Wednesday, December 31, 2008

May 2009 be better...

I have nothing funny, silly or witty to say here, y'all, as I'm almost out the door for a party. So I'll just say this: my best wishes for a happy and more prosperous (or less economically disastrous) 2009.

2008, don't let the door hit you on yer leap-second on the way out.



And don't shoot your eye out.

Day at the Smithsonian / Meskerem (or, "Hey, where did all the Ethiopian restaurants go?")

My friend Gil came into town from California for a few days to visit his sister in Northern Virginia. Actually, most of his family came into town to do that. Since I was so close, we decided to meet up in DC for the day on Monday. Surprise, surprise! Gil's parents and brother came along. It was fine; they're a nice family. But it was comical to ask on the way home why they were almost an hour late meeting me at the West Falls Church Metro. Typical family stuff, the same ones that would inevitably make my family take forever to get there, too.

We first visited the Natural History Museum, and Gil's family wanted to see the gems and minerals first and foremost. This area has never really interested me as much as the more biological and anthropological exhibits. But with so much attention being paid to all the jewelry and minerals, particularly the Hope Diamond, I found them much more interesting than I ever did. I did, however, run down to take photos of the blue whale, which is finally back on display in the brand new ocean life hall, after being down for years. The giant squid is there, too.

Afterwards, we took a detour to the American History Museum, newly opened after years of being closed for remodeling. As with the first museum, we entered on the Constitution Avenue side - a must, since the lines are infinitely longer and slower through the Mall-side entrance. After the very inspiring Star-Spangled Banner, followed by Gil's family leaving (his father was tired), the two of us who remained spent some quality time in Julia Child's kitchen. The Bon Appétit! exhibit was one of the unchanged exhibits in the museum (First Ladies? Probably changed, but the line was even longer than the one for the Star-Spangled Banner, so we didn't bother with it). Among the highlights:

  • the many simple tools needed to make classic French bread (quarry tiles? razor blade?)
  • a looping cooking video showing Julia cooking with other chefs, including one chef who made a raw salad of olive-oil-drizzled thinly-sliced fennel, mushrooms and Parmesan (mmmm) , and a New England chef who just whipped out two unsuspecting lobsters and cut them in half before our very eyes - without flinching! (Well, the people in the TV didn't flinch anyway.)
  • and my hitting my head on the Plexiglas in front of Julia's kitchen door.

Afterwards, we hit Adams Morgan, passing by some promising gay clubs in search of Ethiopian food. Gil was looking for a long-remembered favorite restaurant, but as we finally got into Adams Morgan, we couldn't find the restaurant. In fact, most of the Ethiopian restaurants we had remembered weren't there. There seem to be two on 18th Street near Florida Ave now: Awash, which looked like it had a primarily Ethiopian clientele, and Meskerem, a favorite of mine that has a very diverse clientele, though mainly non-Ethiopian from what I could see. We figured on going to Awash at some point in the future, but to Meskerem that night.

We got seated pretty fast at one of their many mesob basket tables. We settled on Harar Beer (about $5 each), which was light and thirst-quenching after a long day of walking all over downtown DC.

Oops! Forgot to turn off the flash.

With that we got an order of ground beef sambussas (about $4), which we knew were very much like Ethiopian samosas. These things were packed with ground beef, no skimping.

Flash back off. Yeah, this is the type of photo I get.

The main course was a two-person sampler platter of lamb, beef and chicken wots with various lentil and vegetable dishes. Words cannot describe how good everything was. We needed extra injera bread because there was so much food to eat.

Wot a Combo!


Among the highlights on a near-perfect platter:
  • red lentils that tasted strongly of cinnamon
  • pieces of chicken legs with meat on the bone, that we just had to give up and pick up and eat. But since it is custom to pick up everything with your injera, I held my chicken leg in a small piece of injera. This chicken wasn't dry or greasy at all, the way much chicken tastes I'm afraid.
  • The lamb chunks were as good as the stew they were cooked in.
  • There were big chunks of carrot that were soft as sweet potatoes, mixed in with some very flavorful pieces of potato.
All together, the price for the platter and the two beers came to about $43. I figured they must have charged us for the extra injera and perhaps the bottle of water that the waitress poured without prompting. After tax the price came to about $48. It didn't hit me at first, but Gil got out $45 and handed it over to pay the tab. "Well at least get the tip!" he said. (BTW: Thanks, Gil!) I whipped out a ten and we left, very full.

After dinner we had a nice long walk back to the Dupont Circle Metro stop, to work off all that Ethiopian food. It was a nice end to an exhausting yet enjoyable trip to Washington.

Other photos -

Souvenir Inaugural Metro Day Pass. I wonder who the guy in the photo is? Is he famous or something?

Ever wondered what a crystal of salt looks like really, really big? This is magnified 1.5 billion times

The line for the Star Spangled Banner exhibit (every Bawlamoron should know what that is). The line for the First Ladies' exhibit wasn't as long, but moved much more slowly.

Julia's kitchen wasn't the only one on display. This was a 1940's kitchen from a house transplanted to the American History Museum from Ipswich, Massachusetts.

This wasn't a joke. The inauguration is big business in DC these days. Taken on 14th Street, near Logan Circle.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Getting to the Great Cilantro Divide

Josh Kurz despises cilantro. To him, it smells like soap and tastes horrible. He's not alone - many people he knows are exactly like him. As he reports for NPR, people seem to fall into either one of two cilantro-defined groups, those (like him) who hate it, and those (like me and most of the people I know) who love it.

I read the report on the NPR website, but if you want you can listen to it instead, just by clicking on the "Listen" link on the page.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Happy 4th Day of Christmas, or Ho Ho Ho! I'm Andy!

I don't know if I will ever eat deer again. It's much funnier in the second half.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Happy 3rd Day of Christmas - and Kujichagulia

Habari gani? Well, the Reginald F. Lewis Museum - which usually costs $8 to get in - is only a dollar today on this second day of Kwanzaa. At least, that's what the nice people on Channel 11 said this morning. You can also hear African drumming in the lobby. And make sure you stop in their cafeteria, which makes some of the best museum food I have ever had.

You can bet your kinara they won't be serving this crap:



Again, ewww.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Top Chef: The Game (!?!?)

Rarely is a PC or console game directly relatable to food and snacks. Yet while cycling through the archives of Gamespot's downloadable demos, I came upon one of the more disturbing moments in Bravo TV's shameless self-promotion history.

Top Chef is now available as a PC game.

Yes, you read that correctly. Don't believe me? Lookie here:


At least it's rated "E" for everyone.

This is too ridiculous. I have to download this demo and see for myself what it's like. I just can't wait to see X-Play's take on this game. Apparently, they thought Iron Chef America for the Wii (okay, the trailer for it) was average. But I can't imagine how Top Chef will translate to the PC.

If you want to try this strangeness, too, go to the game's website (!).

Happy 2nd Day of Christmas: Sesame Street Christmas

I didn't even realize this was 30 years old this year. It's the original, pre-Elmo Sesame Street Christmas special, that Mom taped for me on one of those new-fangled VCR's. If I recall correctly, I watched it over and over for months.

Here are the closing credits, playing the theme song of the special, "Keep Christmas with You". Very appropriate for this second day of Christmas, which much of the English-speaking world also refers to as Boxing Day, and which we in the US refer to as Friday. Also wait for the very end to see a special surprise from Cookie Monster!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Jingle Cats Go YouTube!

Because it's Christmas!

Happy 1st Day of Christmas: Farm Journal Christmas Cookies Galore

I spent much of yesterday evening baking cookies for the family. I did intend to make those my gifts, though I did eventually break down and buy one sister a Wii game (the absolute cheapest I could find, some Looney Tunes game for $15), and before you know it I had shelled out money on gifts for several people. At least I spent no more than $10 to $15 on each person - something the retailers didn't exactly want to hear.

But I went ahead and made those cookies anyway. They are called "refrigerator cookies", not because they're no-bake (they're not no-bake) but because you chill the dough, much like those Toll House and Pillsbury pre-made doughs. This dough makes a much tastier cookie - none of that funny high fructose corn syrup aftertaste! I got this great recipe from the 1972 Farm Journal Christmas Idea Book, now out of print (duh). Still, I think the copyright police will not be happy if I type it out. I can say that they make for tastier cookies when they are just plain, instead of having stuff mixed in with them. Even better, in my novice cookie-baking career, is to slightly undercook them. Leave them in for as long as the recipe requires and you do get a tasty yet crispy cookie. I like mine a little softer.

Maybe I can get away with a narrative description of the recipe: Basically, you take four sticks of butter, cream them and blend in one cup each granulated and brown sugar, then two beaten eggs and a generous dash of vanilla, and finally four cups of flour sifted in with a teaspoon of baking soda and a little salt. Chill for half an hour before baking. The Farm Journal chefs suggest rolling it all into a long roll and just slicing off 1/8" slivers to bake whenever company drops by unexpectedly. I find it easier to just break off pieces, roll them into a ball and flatten them on the cookie sheet. And as I found out last night, it really helps to have slightly wet hands while you're doing this. It keeps the dough from sticking all over your fingers. After twelve minutes in a 375°F oven, cool them on a wire rack. The recipe says it yields 18 dozen. It does not. It's more like 6 dozen, and those are pretty thin, average diameter cookies.

The recipe calls for variations, including coconut, pecans and chocolate. I divided the dough into eighths and chose different add-ins for each eighth (they are also good plain):

  • chocolate / chocolaty chocolate chip - three tablespoons of cocoa + a dash of vegetable oil makes chocolate sugar cookies, but add chocolate chips to really get a chocolaty taste.
  • assorted chip cookies - roll into one eighth of the dough about an 1/8 c to a 1/4 cup of chips. Use a variety of chips - I had semisweet chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, cinnamon chips, and butterscotch chips. A thin cookie with lots of chips will need less time to cook and brown faster.
  • chai spice cookies - I got this idea after watching Sunny Anderson of Cooking for Real on this year's Food Network Conglomeration of Stars Christmas Cooking Special. But I couldn't remember exactly what she put in, so I improvised with what I could remember: about 1/2 tablespoons of cardamom, a teaspoon of cinnamon and a few dashes of freshly ground black pepper, all ground. It still makes for a tasty cookie, even with just those spices.
  • anise cookies - I never realized how well anise and cloves went together. Grind together 1/2 a teaspoon of anise seed and about 6 cloves, and add that to plain dough. Even though the anise is very subtle, it still somehow cuts through everything else.
I did have to experiment with some other flavors, just to see what would happen. The results were somewhat mixed. I tried the following add-ins on the last few bits of dough:
  • balsamic and olive oil cookies - reduced balsamic vinegar on top of half the cookie, olive oil on the other half.
  • cayenne cookies - cookies with a dash of cayenne pepper mixed in. I also played with the thought of mixing in some Old Bay, but that just didn't seem right.
  • honey-drizzled cookies - speaks for itself
  • peanut butter-jelly cookies - a cookie with a little peanut butter mixed in, topped with jelly
  • smoked paprika cookies - again, self-explanatory
Some of these cookies just did not turn out. Thank God I used a silicone baking sheet, which made cleanup much easier


  • The biggest failure was the balsamic-olive oil cookie (bottom two in the photo above). I made two and they turned into big , super-burnt lace cookies. Inedible to say the least.
  • The honey cookies (second row from the top in the photo above) were also a big disappointment. Plus, what little I could salvage from it was absolutely inedible, with a strange flavor that tasted nothing like honey.
  • The peppery cookies (cayenne in the second row, smoked paprika in the top left corner) turned out better. They're fine if you like spicy cookies.
  • The one that turned out the best was the PBJ cookie, though I'm not the biggest fan of peanut butter in my cookies.
Ah, the wonder of accomplishment! And now I don't think I will ever want to look at another cookie again.

These are all the ones that did turn out.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

There ain't no freakin' French fries, and there ain't no live blog tonight.

I wasn't even 100% sure until I checked the schedule tonight, but Top Chef 5 is taking a few weeks off, since it is airing on two of the worst TV nights in America: Christmas Eve, when people are either traveling or watching something Christmas-y, and New Year's Eve, where just about everyone will be celebrating in a non TC5-related way.

This is fine, since I wasn't planning to live-blog next week anyway. But now I have some extra "me time" tonight! :)

Also, thanks to Dan at The Hungover Gourmet for suggesting this add-on to my TC5 drinking game: whenever Tom makes a face after tasting something in the process of being cooked in the kitchen - and I adjusted it to include any time he makes a face, even when the cheftestants are just describing what they plan to do - take one drink.

So back to my cookie baking. Happy Christmas, and a Happy Third Day of Hanukkah! And to tide y'all over, some Jack-in-the-Box humor.

A few things to remember when having friends over for dinner

I had a few friends over for dinner on Monday night. It was great to see them (not that I hadn't seen them in a while), and everyone enjoyed the food - Adam Roberts' Roasted Chicken
with some hearty white-wine-and-olive-oil roasted vegetables (turnips, parsnips, carrots, yams, brussel sprouts, etc), slow-cooked cranberries with wine and oranges, and for dessert - pecan pie with whipped cream. Alan brought some butternut squash soup that became a lovely first course.

Still, keep some things in mind when you're throwing one of these things:

  • Make sure you don't break the meat thermometer on the side of the cooking dish. At least it was just one of those alcohol-based thermometers instead of the mercury ones. My chicken could have been inedible! Especially if I hadn't found the tip.
  • Make sure you ask if everyone wants the delicious soup that one of your guests brought, lest everyone stand around for 5, 6, 7 minutes waiting for you to heat and serve it.
  • And just a negligible thing, but let people know you're going to whip the cream. One of my guests thought I had the garbage disposal on for five minutes!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Chopped!?

This from Jacob at Food Network Addict - from November. He knew about this in August. I just found out about it today. I haven't been watching as much Food Network as I used to, okay?

I love Jacob's graphic, by the way - it is totally his, not mine. But I think it sums up this new Chopped venture beautifully:



My reaction: Jeez, another cooking competition? Is Ted Allen trying to fill some quota or something?

Towsontown Center for the recession, er, holidays

Yesterday was my first chance to head to the mall - any mall, in this case Towsontown Center - for the holiday season. I was curious to see two things: 1) was it really crowded; and 2) were there really massive markdowns? My answer to both would be no. Which means both of two things: people are really waiting for those massive markdowns, and/or they just aren't shopping this season. It probably also means that Towson merchants have either not faced reality yet, or they have, and I'm one of the many people who isn't impressed by the markdowns they have. Pier One, for example, had most things marked down a mere 20%, though there are things in the 40 - 50% range.

I myself went to look, but I did buy one and only one thing: sugar-free peanut brittle ($9, a Christmas present for one family member - okay, this cookie thing isn't working out the way I'd imagined it). The lady at the See's Candies stand mentioned that the few boxes of it that they had left were it. Their supplier wasn't sending out anymore. Another cold reality about the economy today. Maybe when it finally (hopefully) gets better, See's might actually switch its Towson "location" from a seasonal Thanksgiving-to-Christmas kiosk to a full-time store, like they have all over the place in SoCal.

Actually, I did buy one additional thing at the mall, but it was for me, and it was also candy-related. I stopped by the Godiva Chocolatier for just a handful of truffles. I got three, for a total of $6. I liked two of them - their vanilla truffle in dark chocolate was my favorite, while another one enrobed in white chocolate with two different fillings was tasty enough. Their banana truffle, however, was odd-tasting, and I wouldn't recommend it.

I did get around to that brand new section of the mall also - the big, new Cheesecake Factory - Crate & Barrel - PF Chang's annex that also features a Pottery Barn (isn't this Baltimore's first?). I took a trip through Crate & Barrel, bit into a tasty free sample caramel covered in sea salt. That's all I wound up getting. Crate & Barrel is a bit expensive for, well, just about everything. Don't believe me? How about a "mini-sea-salt-grinder" the size of a Magic Marker for "just" $10? And although I didn't buy it, I thought the herb & spice jars with labels that look like they were swiped from the Periodical Table of the Elements ($13) was kind of snazzy.

Mind you, the mall may not have been overly packed, but it definitely wasn't vacant. I parked near Trader Joe's. That was more on purpose than out of necessity - my trip was bookended by TJ's. When I first parked, I went to Trader Joe's first, looking for things for last-minute odds and ends for a dinner I was throwing for friends last night (more on that in the next day or two). One thing I troll for at TJ's, Wegman's and especially Whole Foods are the free samples. At Trader Joe's they had a delicious brie fondue ($8), which was a bit difficult to spoon into individual sample cups. I bought nothing that first time, but stopped by before leaving to get some vanilla extract ($5).

Other photos

Aaaaannnnddd... What is this supposed to be exactly? Other than an "&"?

I'll kick your ass from here to Milan, so don't mess with me, bitch!

Monday, December 22, 2008

All the girlies they just like me for my gelt, beeyotch!

Because it's Hanukkah, yeah boyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Splendid Table Gifts: Give Food!!!

Y'all may know I am planning to go cheap for Christmas and give some variation of food gift (sorry to give it away, but the family and friends know this). But as I listen to Splendid Table on NPR right now, I heard another good food gift idea from host Lynne Rosetto Kasper (I don't know why I thought she looked like Ina Garten).

Rosetto Kasper

Garten

Actually, they look a little alike - emphasis on the "little" part. Maybe not like sisters, but I'd believe it if they told me they were cousins.

Anywho, Kasper suggested buying foods for foodies that they may not have eaten before. Troll the ethnic markets and the gourmet shops. Buy what looks interesting and is cheap. Or make gourmet chocolate bars (Sally Schneider tells us how to make our own chocolate bars with cayenne pepper, bacon bits or curry powder).

Cookies and fudge are also a good gift, especially if you put them in cheap and attractive containers.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

And they WANT us to watch this show, right?

I'm not sure how I missed 10 Items or Less, a sitcom on TBS based in a supermarket managed by a shlub who inherits it after his father dies. I haven't seen much of this TV show. I first came aware of it around the time I first noticed The Office and I just assumed (incorrectly I guess) that it was a supermarket-based knock-off of that latter show. The actor who plays the shlub is John Lehr, and he's a bit, shall we say, nonplussed over the DVD release of Season 2. Remember the infamous "David Hasselhoff drunk on the floor half naked and stuffing a hamburger in his mouth while his daughter videotaped it" video? It's a somewhat more attractive man, but the scene is just as disturbing. The show looks funny though.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Another view of sour beef

From my sister's kitchen. This is her father-in-law's sense of humor.


Kudos if you get that reference. Wish I had thought of it...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Top Chef 5 Live Blogging; 12 Days of Christmas: Martha Stewart

Martha would not be amused. I am being gauche by drinking a fall hefeweizen during a month where I should clearly be downing a nice winter beer. The hefeweizen in question is the Shiner Hefeweizen by Spoetzl Brewery out of Shiner, TX. Shiner is a wheat ale, "brewed with orange and lemon peels - with honey added" according to the label. And yes, it does taste a little lemony to me!

Drinking game rules are posted to the side (or if you're reading this at some time in the future, when TC5's winner is long known and I have no more need to post the rules, just check last week's post for them).

by the way, the show that was on in the background of that Winter Storm beer photo was the season finale of that SciFi hit Ghost Hunters. This week, another show is on in the background, but just a commercial for it. The only hit: it has the same subject matter. Any guesses? I'll tell you next week otherwise. If you're right, you win... okay, you win nothing. I don't have anything to give!

10:01 Don't ya just want to punch Jeff in the eye whenever he winks at you like that?

10:02 Okay, is Stefan talking in his native language to Fabio? Dude, he doesn't speak Finnish. And look at that weird watermelon-o-lantern he just made.

10:04 All this reminds me that I still didn't get any Christmas decorating done today. Alright, Padma, spit it out: the quickfire challenge is a one-pot Christmas meal, with guest judge Maaaahtha.

I think Carla's eyes are going to finally pop out of her head now.

10:05 More sage wisdom from Maaaahtha: don't make crap like those bozos did on The Next Food Network Chef 4, don't get caught insider trading, or whatever it was Maaaahtha did to land in jail, etc.

10:07 Ariane makes a mess!

10:08 Gratuitious Fabio-is-Italian reference #1 of 17. DRINK!!!

I love pork.

10:09 And they're back to test. Let's see how Maaaahtha likes it.

Hey wait. They go to commercial? Great, now I have to wait another 5 minutes.

10:10 Dang, I'm tired. Maybe I'll just call it a night instead of watching this show.

10:12 Zzzz..hah? Oh, we're back. Maaaahtha's most notable reactions - remember, she's a poker face:

Stefan seems to charm even Maaaahtha.

She gives Hosea props, and Melissa is bragging about growing up next to a picturesque Maryland apple orchard. A wee grin from La Maaaahtha.

Oooooh
, not a fan of Jeff's, is she?

I'm sorry, but potato and kale stew doesn't sound too appetizing to me, but with those scallops, she seems okay with it.

Y'know, to listen to La Maaaahtha one wouldn't know that she's a Jersey girl.

Carla, what did you do? Oh, there it is.

10:16 And how did they do? La Maaaahtha was not impressed with Jeff's potato risotto (too starchy, ick - he messed up her fave dish) and Eugene's Korean stew (Eugene whines to the camera) and Fabio's polenta. Italian reference #2 (DRINK!!!)

Hosea's paella was a fave, as well as Jamie's and Ariane's dishes.

So to whom will Jamie be runner-up this week? Oh, it's Ariane. Jamie is going to murder someone.

Oh, and a shameless plug for La Maaaahtha's book. DRINK!!!

10:19 And now the elim challenge: catering an AIDS fundraiser filled with 250 guests, including celebrities. AND some helpers come in: the Harlem Gospel Choir! So are they helping by singing or by being sous-chefs? Or both perhaps?

Hosea is suspicious. Something else is up, no?

Ah, here's the twist: watch people sing while our chefs draw knives. Each dish will be inspired by one of the twelve days of Christmas.

At least it's not these especially weird anime twelve days of Christmas:



10:26 Listen to them sing. No people, don't sing. Ever.

10:29 God damn when will they start the show!?!? Apparently, this is another 75 minute episode. Why they show something that long at this time of night is beyond me. I know I'm gonna be cranky by the time this is over.

10:31 Oooh, frog legs would be good for ten lords a leaping. I would also hope he emphasize the "lordly" part of that.

10:32 Oh sure, Leah, go the easy route and get three actual French hens.

And DRINK for that Whole Foods plug.

10:34 Soft sourdough toast points are for what part of that song again?

Radhika is doing duck for her partridge in a pear tree. Let's hope she's sporting, like, a pear or something?

Fabio is probably on the right path this time with his crab for nine ladies dancing.

10:35 And everyone hates Hosea for smoking up the entire kitchen.

Jeff obviously wants to steal that "most arrogant chef" title from Stefan, dogging all those "simple" dishes. Yeah dude, but sometimes simple is best.

10:36 Um, why is their fridge warm? It seems that someone left the fridge door open, and ruined all the food within. That includes Hosea's pork. Wow, half the cast is screwed. FUN! (or not). At least everybody else is helping Hosea and Radhika with their dishes. Now that's teamwork.

Any bets that the producers deliberately sabotaged them?

10:40 Come see the softer side of Stefan...

10:44 Darn, Jamie almost mentioned Team Rainbow. But being part of the gay community too, I can relate to how important AMFAR is, for all 35 million persons around the world with HIV. Thankfully I'm not one. Let's hope they do come closer to a cure.

10:46 Now this is a tacky use for the AIDS ribbon - pin yours next to your favorite dish. HUH!?!?

10:47 And to our dishes (relative to order in the song):

Stefan (#12): good pot pie

Radhika (#1): good spices, well-seasoned, nice Indian spices.

Carla (#2): braised chicken with duvelles and mushroom. Two turtledoves are too salty.

eugene (#5): golden pineapple rings with Tahitian-style ceviche. Judging by his shoulders, that was one happy gay man. Not everyone was of the same acord on that however.

Fabio (#9): Fabio's story is more interesting than his crab cake. "A bit dense" and "greasy" - ouch.

Jamie (#7): Scallops again, swimming in vichyssoise. Raw scallops this time. Will she ever have another quickfire?

Melissa (#8): Low on the milk, I think, but she was more inspired by the cow. At least it tastes like a dairy product!

Leah (#3): Braised guinea hen. I like the literal interpretation, but this is - GASP - dull. Leah's is dull?

Ariane (#6): Six types of deviled eggs. Hmmm. The judges are not impressed, because they are, well, deviled eggs.

Hosea (#11): How did that pork loin turn out? Well!

Y'know, rad and Hosea need to tell them they had a lot of help.

Hosea is getting ribbon'd!

Jeff (#10): His uber-complex seared fancy cheese with something else snooty. Nice roundness, it seems.

10:53 And Tom and Padma excuse themselves. Melissa's pissed.

10:57 Another twelve days of Christmas, this time from Bob & Doug. Some folks went ahead and animated this Dr. Demento Xmas favorite!



Oh dear.

10:59 So Stefan is at the top again. Shocker. Radhika spills the beans about all the help! Radhika's does look tasty. And of course, Stefan has his chicken pot pie, which everyone loves.

Oh hell, DRINK!!!

Jeff's dish was definitely a pleaser, though the guest judges (including Natasha Richardson) thought he went overboard with the extra cheeses. And Hosea's pork was also lovely.

Natasha announces the winner: Hosea! Jeff seems not jealous.

Another shameless plug - cookbooks for everyone!!! DRINK!!!

11:02 And tonight's losers: Melissa, Eugene and Jamie. How come Jamie always does almost best for the quickfire, and almost worst for the elim? Reverse that, dude!

11:04 Jamie's problem was the scallops: They. Were. Raw.

Melissa: Nothing but cheese, intensely bleu cheese!!!

Eugene: Too sugary? A surprise for Eugene. He thought it was all tart.

The guest chef judge, whose name I never caught, gives Eugene a talking to.

11:06 Judge-I-didn't-catch hated that scallop. But Eugene seems to think he's got all the answers, and few chefs think like that. It's a constant learning process!!! Melissa's uber-cheesy dish seems to get fewer gripes. But wait - they didn't like almost any of the dishes. Tom is disappointed. In fact, Tom wants to have a little chat with everybody.


11:08 I'm not sure who is leaving tonight. It seems like all arrows point to Eugene. Which is why I think Jamie's going home. Yep, that's my guess: Jamie.

11:12 Ooooh, Tom is addressing everyone. Way to deflate the winners' egos.

11:13 The point is: AMAZING food. Not PASSABLE food.

Y'know, I'm not sure anyone is going home. Oh, snap! And I typed that just before Tom said so, honest!

11:13 And Melissa and Jamie hang around for one more week. For our final Marylander, it is a wake-up call.

What's up next week? No limits! Dazzle everyone!!!!!

POST-GAME ANALYSIS:

Nobody's going home. Or perhaps, Tom wants to send everyone home. From the way Tom and Padma are talking, it seems as if our cheftestants - and TC5 - are going through the same malaise that Project Runway went through last season. In other words, the contestants have gotten cockier, but less talented. Oh well. Merry Christmas to all our cheftestants. Now to Bravo: for this Christmas, pleeeeeeeeeease keep next week's Christmas Eve episode to 60 minutes!

11:22 - Post-script: It just dawned on me. Maaaahtha was only in the first 18 minutes of this damn episode. And yet they name the whole f*cking ep after her! That's false advertising, people! (And of course, we all fall for it.)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

From the "Unauthorized Parody" Files

I found this at the Towson public library today. Too funny!


This reminds me of a similar "unauthorized parody" of Martha Stuart [sic], who was based loosely on you-know-who. Loved her suggestions for briss appetizers, including some rather disturbing presentations of squid. The "Rachell Ray" book is authored by Elizabeth Hilts, not the real thing.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Remember, those of you who live in or near Baltimore City. For the next few Sundays, beer, wine and liquor stores will be open for business! I'm not sure how long they will be, or if many people know this. The Wine Source was dead today, and they're only doing this one more Sunday and that's it. And you probably don't even care if you live in Howard County where you can buy this stuff on Sundays anyway. But for those of us in town, it's a nice, if brief, change.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

$1 a Day (Eat THAT, Rachael Ray)

I am always the last to find these things out.

Christopher Greenslate and Kerri Leonard are two San Diego high school teachers who endured a very difficult project: they lived on just $30 of groceries for an entire month. Not $30 a day (that's anyone who spends close to $200 a week on groceries!!!). Not $30 a week (which I am closer to, considering all the food I get from my family, the food I already have in my pantry, and the free samples I get at Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Wegman's). No. Just $30 a month. That's one tough budget to live on.

They got the idea after talking about how much they spent on food, which they both agreed was too much. So they eventually got around to this decision: trying to live on $30 worth of food for a whole month. It wasn't to see how fun it would be. They did it, in their words, "to learn". Perhaps, one thing they've learned - which we all would learn by trying this formidable challenge - is what it's like for those who literally have to live on that kind of food budget in a big, expensive city.

Some of the revelations they had, as noted on a recent TV appearance (they've been on Inside Edition and Fox & Friends):

  • Breakfast was unflavored oatmeal and lunch was peanut butter and jelly - one tablespoon each - on bread.
  • They ate a lot of things from cans, and a lot of things in bulk. Specifically, things you can buy cheap in cans or bulk.
  • One thing they had to steer clear of: fresh produce. Unless it's growing out of your garden, it gets expensive. That includes supermarkets, produce stands and farmers' markets, some of which sell produce pretty cheap - but not cheap enough to get you a month's worth of it.
  • They lost lots of weight - the husband lost 14 pounds! But they also felt light-headed at times, so I don't think they recommend this as a weight loss strategy.
Read all about it on their blog, which is now in the "Other Cool Links" section. It's surreal, to say the least, especially while sitting here watching Giada at Home, where she's just made a gruyere and sausage quiche which alone must have cost $30 to make. I doubt that'd last anyone a month.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Cheap Grocery Alert

Cathy's father-in-law found frozen scallops at the Dollar General for a dollar. I just had some tonight - they're very tiny, about the size of really big cranberries. But they're tasty enough for my purposes.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Slow-Cooker Venison Stew

It's good to have family, however extended it may be, that hunts on a regular basis. Cathy's father-in-law offered me a few nice pieces of venison that he had stocked away in the freezer. I got three pieces. I've already used one. I still have one roast and another piece, I admit I'm not sure what cut it is, in my freezer.

What I did the other day with the first piece was a slow cooker stew. I bought some barbecue sauce and some veggies, admittedly planning to wing whatever I was going to make. But I wanted some guidelines, so I looked in my copy of Beth Hensperger and Julie Kaufmann's Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook. I thought I'd find a recipe for a beef roast, and lo and behold, out of the index pops up this recipe for Venison Stew. On a hunch, I turned to the recipe and it turned out that I had all the ingredients for it.

As is always the case with recipes from cookbooks, I can't reprint it here. I will say that I cut the venison up into chunks, browned it in bacon drippings and threw it in the slow cooker. After adding various other veggies - carrots, onions, potatoes (these aren't in the recipe), etc, I dumped in some chicken stock (not beef) and white wine (not red, as the recipe suggests). I used chicken stock instead of beef because that's what I had. I used white wine instead of red because Cathy's father-in-law suggests using white wine when you cook venison, in order to remove its gamey taste.


Well, eight hours of slow cooking it in white wine and chicken stock (adding bacon and mushrooms five hours in) certainly did that! It also made it nice and soft. Plus, the balsamic vinegar I added at the end gave it a nice little tang.

Now I have enough venison stew to last me the rest of the week! Oh boy, deer meat for dinner, lunch - even breakfast!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

D'OH! Pardon the odd look

I accidentally changed my template. Thinking I was saving my old template, I instead changed it to something else. Pardon while I work out the kinks.

UPDATE: I have found out three things after this little escapade. One: I hate Vista even more than I ever did. Two: Blogger needs to have a much wider selection of in-house blog templates, including ones with three-columns. Three: No matter what anyone says, it's practically impossible to bring in a different template without losing all your widgets - this includes copying and pasting your widgets into the new template, which I tried using several different descriptions touting just how easy it is! Folks, it ain't easy.

Top Chef 5: Gail's Bridal Shower

It's weddin' season at Top Chef 5, and our hapless cheftestants have to cater Gail's bridal shower. Hopefully this means there won't be a wedding challenge later this season? Oh that we were so lucky.

For the most part, the same drinking game rules apply as last week:

Drink once if:

  • anyone makes a face while eating something
  • any shameless plugs are made (drink more and you'll be drunk before the quickfire is over)
  • Stefan is arrogant in his Stefanish way
  • any good looking male contestant is shirtless or female contestant is scantilly clad at anytime (you do realize this is happening often now)
  • Fabio mentions something about being Italian (including everyone else not being Italian)
Drink twice if:
  • anyone cries for any reason, especially after packing his or her knives and going
Drink thrice if:
  • any mention is made of Team Rainbow. Now that its sole member, Jamie, is left, mentions will be few and far between.
Take two shots/swigs if
  • your guess for who is going home is wrong! (added to this section on December 17, 2008)

Tonight's beverage of choice: Clipper City's Winter Storm "Category 5" Ale. Since it feels so wintry today that I went out in shorts. Oh, see if you can guess the TV show that's on in the background. Hiint: It's not Top Chef 5.


Let the showerin' begin.

10:01 Shirtless surfer boy again - DRINK!!!

10:02 Hmmm, Melissa is discussing how close she came to leaving last week. Will she be at Judges' Table this week?

All of a sudden, Stefan seems awfully gross. Even more so were I a lesbian.

10:03 Ah, it's the perpetual identify-that-ingredient game. This time, it's a pair challenge.

10:04 Hosea is right - Dan's mouth really overshadows the fact that he's actually got a brain, too. Wait, what?

How many ingredients can they identify in this shrimp and lobster bouillabaisse? Four each!

10:05 Y'know, there's something kind of arousing about a bald guy that identifies blind ingredients in a shrimp and lobster bouillabaisse.

Dude, crab?

10:07 Fish sauce!?!?

And now we're on to Thai green curry. Is it good or bad if it burns your mouth?

10:08 Right now I'm rootin' for Leah.

10:10 Geez, Carla, if you want to be bald just shave your head.

They're doing mole sauce.

10:11 Dude, oil? What the hell am I criticizing Hosea for, though? I was going to say "water". It's nice to see Stefan knocked down a notch though.

10:12 Playing catch-up. Stefan was so Stefanish that I have to drink half the bottle if I want to keep pace with this drinking game. That part of the game might have to go.

10:16 HIC I dunnooo if I cann sobrr up in time forr tTHix...

**SLAPS SELF**

Okay, I'm back. I wonder who is on Stefan's team? Lucky Hosea again.

10:17 Wow, they actually like each other on this show? I figured it was more of a Paula Abdul-Simon Cowell sort of relationship.

So Gail does not want veal or black beans. Oh well, there goes that veal parmagiana with black bean sauce.

10:18 In addition, each of four groups has one of the following four things to inspire their menus: old, new. borrowed and blue. Radhika is apprehensive that she might not be able to pull off anything other than "Indian".

Heheheh, Fabio is all worked up about getting "blue". Dude, just use blueberries.

10:19 Did Ed say surf and turf sushi roll or loaf? I don't know but a surf and turf sushi loaf sounds kind of gross.

10:20 Guys, just kill Stefan. Now. DRINK!!!

10:22 Damn, Meryl Streep looks hot in Amish clothing! Even when it's an Amish Catholic nun.

10:24 And why is it always just nekkid women with Bluefly.com, huh?

10:25 Hootie hoo: the new catch phrase of Top Chef 5. Or not.

10:27 The Borrowed Team is doing some sort of lamb. Damnit I missed it. It has a raita, that's all I can remember.

10:28 Awwww, those wonton bowls are so cute!!! Or not.

I dunno about the Blue Team's nautical theme. I still think they should've chosen something blue, like blue corn or something like that.

10:30 Ariane: "They're borrowing all my talent!" Oh, har har har! I love Tom's look when Dan describes his team's dish, though.

10:32 Yup, that Stefan's a real charmer (ask the chicks that divorced him).

10:34 OMG, Dan's workin' out. That is just too damn funny I just gotta DRINK!

10:39 And in our latest installment of the "TC5 break between commercials", Stefan tries to get it on with some hot guy-on-lesbian action. Dude, she's not interested. At all.

10:41 Aw, but Hosea, you and Leah make such a cute couple!

10:42 And we get to see all the wedding photos for these people. The cook-off can't come soon enough.

10:43 Of course, the Old Team goes out first. Really, does Gail actually have that many friends?

10:44 Fabio makes a Pope allusion. Close enough. DRINK!

10:45 And on to the competition, with guest judge Dana Cowin, editor-in-chief of Food & Wine Magazine:

Old Course (Hosea, Jeff, Stefan)

Heirloom tomato trio: gazpacho, eggplant terrine and sorbet, all from the Old World. The terrine leaves people bored, but there is love for the sorbet.

New Course (Eugene, Dan, Carla)

It's nice when chefs don't talk to each other.

For our second course: cooked surf & turf sushi (with beef skewer, tempura shrimp and a granita). Padma is confused with the piece of leafy thing. Not much love for the cold shrimp fried in old oil.

Borrowed Course (Jamie, Ariane, Radhika)

Hey, that's right, Radhika. Ariane has actually been all over the place in this competition.

10:50 God damnit! This is another 75-minute episode!?!? Sure Gail is excited about her wedding but I'm not. Why the hell does it merit a 75 minute episode? Rant done.

Back to the food:

Borrowing Indian, indian spiced lamb on carrot purée with a raita and smoked almonds. Padma likes the lamb, which is well-cooked, and the spices are - real culinary phrase - "yummy". This is probably the wining dish.

Blue Course (Melissa, Fabio, Leah)

Leah tastes Fabio's fish, and is not a fan. Ditto Jamie. Is one of our European chefs going home? Nah, probably not.

***ROLLEYES*** I'm not even going there. Chilean sea bass encrusted with blue corn (they do blue corn after all). Gee, Fabio is kind of charming.

"Old people food"?

10:54 Sorry to all my straight readers, but right now I really just couldn't give a shit about another straight person's wedding (sorry, Gail - and a shout of thanks to all our hetero allies). Hey, that Milk ad is making me feel really political! What can I say? End of rant #2.

10:59 It's the Old and Borrowed teams. No best and worst this time - they were both on top!

11:00 The one person who won made the tastiest thing of the evening: Ariane (again?) OMG, the looks of shock on everyone else's faces. Did you see Jamie? Jeff? Again, that was just too funny. DRINK!

11:01 So everybody else gets to go back to face judges. Let's see why:

New: How is it new? Well, Eugene forgot to tell them it was a make-your-own-sushi thing. Plus, the rice was mooshy. Daniel was "unbelievably happy". And I'll send my "friends" to rough you up if I get sent out.

Oh, please don't send Carla oout for Dan's dumb act.

Blue: Leah's first time in the losers' group I think. The fish's texture was a little bit lacking. Tom got the blues from the plate (so it DOES work). And bad point, Fabio: it's your job to cook 45 pieces of fish perfectly, isn't it? Dude!

11:05: Take home message: the Blue dish was unimaginative, while the Old dish was subpar. Yikes! Carla's dismal dish was the one very dim point of light in this otherwise dismal meal. But wait: are they faulting Carla for maintaining team integrity?

11:06 Don't worry, y'all. Dan baffles us all.

11:07 I'm guessing it will be Dan who goes home. My second guess: Eugene. If it is Carla, I will eat my hat. Plus, as much as they disliked the Blue Team's dish, they really seemed to hate the Old Team's.

Oh, here's a new addition to the TC5 drinking game: if you incorrectly guess who packs his or her knives this episode, take two swigs or shots of whatever you're drinking.

11:10 By the way: did you know the Top Chef Cook Book is in the Baltimore County Public Library already? Yup.

11:11 As I thought, the Blue Team is in less hot water, so to speak. Correct so far.

And now for our hapless Oldsters...

11:12 And I was correct this time. Daniel is going home. Gail, Tom and Padma better watch out!

11:13 Stay tuned next week - it's Maaaahtha. And what's this about food-borne illnesses?

POST-GAME ANALYSIS:

Sadly for fairly large Team New York, one of the tried and true New Yorkers is getting on the Subway and heading home. I poke fun at Daniel, but really, what do I know about that whole "that time of the month" thing he went on about with Jamie last week or so? Or how great the food was that everyone else hated? Ah well, I don't really have much else to say. At least home wasn't too far. That's something, right?

Totally unrelated, but wow, they're starting to run out of attractive contestants, aren't they?

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

From the "OMGWTFPOTATO!" Files

J***s French-Fried C****t!


Idaho's got nuthin' on Lebanon. And I know they'd hate to hear that up in Idaho. (Hat tip: Broadsheet)

Monday, December 08, 2008

Loose ends, December 8

From the "Duuuuuh" Files

  • Guess who made a delicious meal of mini penne pasta with two parts homemade tomato sauce to one part homemade vindaloo sauce, plus a small chunk of frozen spinach and a generous sprinkling of feta cheese to bring with me for lunch today? Yup. Guess who also left it sitting on his kitchen table all day and didn't realize it until he was halfway between Towson and Essex? Yup, right again.
From the "It's a Sunshiney Day!!!:)!!!" Files
  • Damn those folks at the Lansdowne Chick-Fil-A are perky. But I guess they're paid to be that way, and I'm not criticizing or anything. Plus, at least they have a job, unlike a lot of people.
From the "Speaking of which..." or "Really Hard-Up for a Job, Are You?" Files
  • Oscar Meyer is seeking drivers for their Weiner Mobile (courtesy Boston Globe and G4TV's The Feed segment. Oh, and Kevin Pereira needs to grow his hair out again.)
From the "Ay, ¡no sabía que la crema agria en espagueti es muy sabrosa!" Files
  • My sister and a friend of hers took the time a few days ago to show me just how tasty spaghetti is with... sour cream!?!? It sounds odd, disgusting and vaguely Midwestern, but apparently Cathy's friend, who is from El Salvador, says that lots of people back home eat it like this: top spaghetti that's already covered with meat sauce or any standard spaghetti sauce, with a dollop of sour cream, mix it all together, and there you go. I was suspicious, but I'll try anything once. Ahem, I'll try anything to eat once. It was tangy and - counterintutive though it may seem - it tasted surprisingly good.

Friday, December 05, 2008

An important anniversary for beer / wine / spirit lovers

I didn't even realize it until just now, but today is the 75th anniversary of the ratification of the Twenty-First Amendment. The relevance? It did away with Prohibition! I went to a wine and liquor tasting today. But celebrate (safely, of course - no drunk driving, please)s this weekend! Have a beer, a glass of wine, or a shot. Just don't have too much of it.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Beers to Watch Out For: Brooklyn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout


I bought this Black Chocolate Stout from Brooklyn, NY's Brooklyn Brewery after a wine tasting at the Wine Source. It was recommended in that newsletter they always have at the wine and beer tasting table. The brewery actually uses cocoa in its brewing, and I could taste it. It also seems to have more of a kick than most stouts. It should - it's 10.1% alcohol by volume. I would get it again. So would those folks at the Beer Advocate.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Top Chef 5 Live Blogging: The Today Show!

I'm giving up on rooting for anyone on this show. For one, they have eliminated to only people I really was rooting for (Jill, Richard). For two, there isn't really anyone else I'm really inspired by (yet). So Ive decided: I am no longer rooting for people that I want to see win. Instead, I will openly root for those cheftestants that I want to see booted off the show. Because when I root for someone, they are usually gone by the end of the show.

Drinking game has changed. Drink once if:

  • anyone makes a face while eating something
  • any shameless plugs are made
  • Stefan is arrogant in his Stefanish way
  • any mention of Stefan-Fabio "frenemy" feud
  • any good looking male contestant is shirtless or female contestant is scantilly clad at anytime (you do realize this is happening often now)
  • Fabio mentions something about being Italian (including everyone else not being Italian)
Drink twice if:
  • anyone cries for any reason, especially after packing his or her knives and going
Drink thrice if:
  • any mention is made of Team Rainbow. Now that it consists of one lone member - our dyke-to-watch-out-for Jamie - those mentions will be few and far between. So drink up while the drinkin's good!!!
10:01 God I f*cking HATE Vista!!!

10:02 Rich left a letter on Alex's bed? I've never seen anyone write a letter, nice or otherwise. What the hell: DRINK!

10:03 Team Rainbow mention twice: DRINK DRINK DRINK!!! DRINK DRINK DRINK!!!

10:04 today's guest chef is Rocco DiSpirito. Fabio disses his Italian-ness. Okay, dude, we know he's Italian-American. No need to be hatin'.

Ewww, Jamie ate Chef Boyardee for breakfast? :P

10:05 So the cheftestants have to do an amuse bouche breakfast bite. Stefan talking about cutting an egg in a "perfect round" - like his shiny head!

10:07 The highlights:

Melissa: her French toast is a hit. hey, wasn't she from Baltimore once? We can root for her now! Oooh, that's right Not rooting for anyone.

Radhika: No immediate reaction? At least he didn't wretch!

Ariane: stuffed French toast? Apparently it works!

Jamie: BLT Breakfast Sammich w/ balsamic syrup. Rocco is happy. Go Team Rai... oh.

Leah is whining about these amuses bouchees not being one-bites. Leah's? Now that's a tiny bite! Rocco's happy with just about everything so far.

10:09 And now Padma is hatin' on Fabio. Snap!

Ah, looks like Jeff's luck from last week is running out?

10:10 The losers: Dan "that time of the month" guy and Signore "I'm more Italian than you" Fabio .

The winners: Oh shock. Stefan and Leah. Oooh, and Jamie!

And the winner? Leah! Jamie was a close second Leah's prize? Rocco's new cookbook (in stores now - DRINK!!!)

10:12 And now for the "Next Food Network Star overlap challenge": create a dish for a 2 1/2 minute presentation on live television, and explain it. Poor Fabio. (Hey, he said it, not I.)

So Leah hates live TV. No future on the Food Network for Leah!

10:17 Just added a condition to the TC5 drinking game: drink once if Fabio mentions something about being Italian (including everyone else not being Italian).

10:18 And we're back to Whole Paycheck (WF plug: DRINK). Fabio wants to cut the tuna by himself. How silly these chefs are! Of course, Eugene is all over that sushi. Now he wants to cut it himself. What the hell - is the entire cast going behind the fishmongers' counter?

10:20 Gee, Melissa's getting a whole lot of face time tonight. I wonder if that means something?

Um, Alex, crème brûlée in 2 1/2 minutes? Do we now know who's writing the next sad letter? (Love ya, Richard!)

10:22 The first time I have ever burst out laughing: Ariane is making some "New Jersey beef steak watermelon pumpernickel creme brulee salad with a cabbage foam" or something equally confusing. And then she says it: "Y'know, gotta keep it simple!" HUH!? Did I just hear her correctly?

10:25 Oh, now I understand: Jersey beefsteak tomato salad with watermelon and feta. SIMPLE!!!

How do the rest do after Ariane? A running commentary...

Jamie: plays the fried egg on salad. Had to pull it outta the pan undone.

Alex: Again with the creme brulee. With rose water! Are they happy that he just pulled the done one out? The looks on their faces: DRINK!!!

Jeff: Malfouf roll? With muhammara? Never heard of it. The judges are actually happy about it.

Fabio: cooks for mama. Oh, and he's fresh off the boat. DRINK!!! (Though to be fair, they brought it up.)

Stefan: minestrone - because Swedes know all about Italian food.

Hosea, Eugene, and Melissa with habanero shrimp. Even heat-lovin' Padma can't take it. Tom spits it out.

The rest of them don't even finish. Sad.

10:30 On to disappointments already? Most disappoint. to wit:

Leah's collapse - lucky she has immunity;

Carla: NERVOUSNERVOUSNERVOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Daniel: a mess, but he doesn't seem to realize this yet.

Stefan: being Stefan. DRINK!!!

Melissa: TOOFUCKINGHOTTTTTT!!!

And it seems that Ariane has had a second wind.

10:32 And their bottom three are Melissa, Jamie and Alex.

Jeff, Fabio, Ariane are at the top! Ariane!?

10:34 The show is half over, and they're setting up Alex to be the one to go home. So why do I get the feeling that our other hometown girl, Bawlmer expatriate Melissa, is the one going home?

10:36 Rude awakening: the winners have to wake up at 3:30 or so, in order to make their foods live on Today.

Wow, that John Chasteen guy has the personality of white rice.

10:37 Food stylist?

Right now I must admit I'm not paying that much attention. It's all "timey wimey wibbly wobbly" Today Show stuff going on.

10:38 Jesus no, it's KATHIE LEE!!!!!

10:40 Wanna know how to cook fast? Take it from Jolene:



10:42 Hey, that's not Kathie Lee! What the hell do I know? I watch Don & Marty and leave on the CBS Early Show. Not that I watch it too often. It's often insufferable. (the CBS Early Show, I mean.)

Lucky Ariane: Meredith Vieira hates watermelon.

Jeff: Watch Kathie Lee spit it out! DRINK!!! Strange, Kathie Lee is the one doing the gagging for a change.

Fabio: they ate his already?

10:43 Ariane's luck continues and continues... The "I'm Ariane and I suck" meme is dead.

10:44 Did this already air or something?

Ariane gets some of Rocco's favorite tools. And Rocco didn't even plug his new cookbook (in stores now)!

Also, plug for Ariane's appearance tomorrow morning (oh, that's when it airs) on the Today Show. DRINK!!!

10:45 And now for the losers. Melissa's was inedible because it was HOTHOTHAHHHHHHHHHT! They're not happy with her.

Jamie: They will send her home, because she made the simple mistake of an undercooked fried egg. Hey guys, she is admitting she made a mistake!!! She's learning from this, people! Don't send her home!

Alex: "I definitely picked the wrong dish." It was kind of dumb to pick something to demonstrate in 2 1/2 minutes that takes an hour. Again, Alex is admitting that.

Remember that, folks: a live television segment is not the time to try something new.

10:48 Melissa is practically begging to stay. Alex gives a relatively good reason for staying: "I'm a lot better than what I've shown you so far."

Let's review the notes, shall we?

Jamie's was close to being good but the execution was flawed.

Melissa still defends the amount of spice.

And Alex thinks Melissa is throwing him under the bus?

10:51 So my gut tells me that either Alex or Melissa will go home tonight. Therefore, I predict that Jamie goes home. Why? Because they usually seem to keep the person who made the worst dish, and get rid of the person with the next worst dish. So it's Jamie.

10:54 I really, REALLY f*cking HATE Vista!!!

10:57 They had a phone poll tonight? Oh, I didn't notice.

10:58 So who goes home tonight? Is my theory correct? The expat Bawlamoron, the sensitive guy-under-the-bus, or the lone member of Team Rainbow?

10:59 Ah, I was wrong again. The judges thwart my system - my non-existent system for figuring out who goes home - by sending home Alex for his shockingly bad choice of being the only person to choose something to cook in 2 1/2 minutes that normally takes an hour. Bad call, dude, bad call.

And next week: a bridal shower. Men and women invited.

POST-GAME ANALYSIS:

Ah Alex, we hardly knew ye. I didn 't really have a stake in Alex staying or leaving. Still, as the replay kicks on in the background, his letter from Richard (actually, it's to Alex, Jamie and Carla) is a little wistful.

Ooooh damn, I missed him crying. One two for the road: DRINK DRINK!!!

From the "Words actually fail me now" files

Lansdowne, MD, is finally in the big leagues.


It is now host to the most recent all-night camp-out of the Cult of Chick-Fil-A, whose latest temples of worship open there and in Laurel tomorrow morning. As always, the first 100 "Chick-Fil-Aniacs" get enough coupons to feed them free Chick-Fil-A once a week for a year.

I was not among those camping out. But I did go by and take some photos. I only remembered this because my mother was shopping nearby (yes, the Wal-Mart) and she called my sister, who lives just up the street from the new CFA, and whom I was visiting. None of us had ever seen such a thing in our lives. I would say we never will again, but that would be a lie.

There was even a guy in a cow suit. I don't think I snapped that person.

But remember: when the news reports that a new CFA just opened in Halethorpe, remember: it ain't Halethrope. It's Lansdowne! We Lansdowne natives (past and present) are very touchy about that.