Miscellaneous: Funny Foodie Photos!

Lately I've been so wrapped up in work, singing and soccer (and other personal matters) that I've only had just enough time to do these State-by-State posts.  But with the wonder of my camera phone - which is actually much better than my Coolpix camera, can you believe it? - I've been collecting photos of some strange things I've been seeing around town over the past few months, plus one or two things that aren't strange but certainly are noteworthy.  It helps that I now have a working USB wire to connect it to the computer, so I can share this ridiculousness with you all.  We start way back in October.

Isn't this "Peeps for all seasons" thing starting to get just a tad bit silly?  (The Peeps Chocolate Cats, by the way, are foul. Taken at Harris Teeter in Columbia)

Suet is no longer out of reach, folks! Just stop by your local Wegman's.

Help! Santa's melting! (This should've been a submission for Cake Wrecks.)

Don't eat the blue snow.

DAMN YOUR EYES!

Now this wasn't silly.  After Dad passed we as a family decided to have a nice Christmas to remember him. Some things we did were old traditions, others were brand new.  This Bûche de Noël was one of the new ones, from Sugarbakers Cakes in Catonsville.  It was a tad pricey at $40 but it was lovely both to see and to eat.

Another new thing I did was only kind of new: a duck, made by following Alton Brown's specific procedures in his Night Before Christmas episode of Good Eats.  Complete with oyster cornbread dressing, it gave me months of duck fat and duck broth, plus an extra pound or two I am still trying to work off.  I would've posted about this around Christmas but my laptop chose that very night to die on me, and I didn't get it back from Acer until mid-January.

Back to the silly...

The If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the Fuck Up? book: a new twist on wise-ass "children's" literature.  Plus that dog book is pretty disturbing in itself.

A cookbook in a basmati rice bag - just what I always wanted!

And finally: "Doctor, quick! Save us from the glistening vampires!" (with his new companion, Cornholio, saving his bunghole from the Daleks)

Flying Green Tomatoes

Yesterday's installment of NPR's Fresh Air featured Barry Estabrook, author of Tomatoland, which investigates just why our plump and beautiful supermarket tomatoes also taste like soggy styrofoam. In short, they are bred for weight and aesthetics, not for taste, because the farmers get paid by the pound, not by the "Mmmm":

"For the last 50 or more years, tomato breeders have concentrated essentially on one thing and that is yield — they want plants that yield as many or as much as possible," writer Barry Estabrook tells Fresh Air's Terry Gross. "They also want those fruits to be able to stand up to being harvested, packed, artificially turned orange [with ethylene gas] and then shipped away and still be holding together in the supermarket a week or 10 days later." [NPR 2011]

His opening vignette with Gross discusses how a few of these mutant Florida green tomatoes flew off a truck near his car while he was driving down the road. They almost broke his window. But what he later saw was not damaged tomatoes, but still perfectly formed and firm green tomatoes on their way to have whatever it is Big Ag does with that ethylene gas to them to turn them red extra fast.

Click on the link at the beginning to go to the podcast page.

An Original Thanksgiving, Pilgrim-Style

I don't even have to wonder what the first Thanksgiving feast was like. Guinea Pig Diaries author A.J. Jacobs has found out for us! It had no factory-processed turkeys, and was probably held in September or October. And the Wampanoag came on their own. And instead of sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, there were turnips, deer, lobster and eel, as Jacobs notes:

The lobster, boiled in red-wine vinegar, was a big hit. Although our lobsters are shrimpy compared to those of 1621, when the crustaceans commonly weighed 20 pounds and had claws the size of a human arm.

As for deer, a friend had venison in his freezer. (Bonus: He’s a descendant of Miles Standish!) We cooked it in a stew thickened with ground walnuts to mixed reviews. Next up were grits, turnips and a boiled salad (yes, boiled) of spinach and currants.

We saved the eel for last, boiled in white wine and sprinkled with fennel seed. But maybe I should have called the Butterball Eel Hotline, because it was downright nasty—a mix of rubbery eel flesh and hard bone. As my friend Shannon said, “My gag reflex is getting quite a workout.”

Why does strike me as fodder for his next book?

This can only help me in my next Food Ethnography post, which will have something to do with the first Thanksgiving - either what the Pilgrims ate or what the indigenous peoples of Eastern North America were already eating before that.

BBF '09!

Yet another Baltimore Book Festival is upon us! No, there wil be no visits from food bloggers this time (not that I know of), though Adam Roberts' trip down here for a rain-soaked Book Fest last year resulted in my having to dry out the book of his that he signed with a hair dryer (let me rephrase: I dried it with a hair dryer. He didn't sign it with one). One year later, however, there are certainly other foodie authors making there way to Mount Vernon. That includes fellow blogger Dara Bunjon, who will be interpreting her favorite Julia Child recipe with other foodie authors, including Abacrombie Fine Food chef/recent Top Chef eliminee Jesse Sandlin.

It would be too exhausting to list all the folks at the Food for Thought Stage. Just go to the BBF website for a complete list.

Maybe I should write something sometime. People have told me that Beltway Snacking series should be in book form. Hmmm...

From the "Unauthorized Parody" Files

I found this at the Towson public library today. Too funny!


This reminds me of a similar "unauthorized parody" of Martha Stuart [sic], who was based loosely on you-know-who. Loved her suggestions for briss appetizers, including some rather disturbing presentations of squid. The "Rachell Ray" book is authored by Elizabeth Hilts, not the real thing.

Baltimore Book Festival

I haven't been posting very much lately. I have been quite busy (life gets in the way, you know), and my modem almost blew up, so a replacement is on its way. For now, I'm just standing in the nporthwest corner of my living room, tapping into someone else's unsecured wireless. But I do hope to be at the Bawlmer Book Festival this weekend. Several food-related authors / Food Network personalities will be there, such as the following (all will appear at the Food for Thought stage unless otherwise noted):

• George Duran, host of Secret Life Of... and Ham on the Street, touting his new book Take This Dish and Twist It (Sunday @ 2:30, to 5:00)
  
• The original Next Food Network Chefs, those Hearty Boys - Dan Smith & Steve McDonagh. What happened to them, anyway? (Saturday @ 5:30, to 7:00)
  
• Jeff Henderson, who discovered his passion for cooking while behind bars, and is now hosting the Head Chef Project, a Food Network show that looks much more interesting and worthwhile than silly fluff like, oh, I dunno, Semi-Homemade? Paula's Party? Anything with Guy Fieri? The book du jour is Chef Jeff Cooks (Sunday @ 5:30, to 7:00)
• Martin Yan - not a FN personality, but he predates it and is one of the tried and true PBS chefs - Yan Can Cook is right up there with The French Chef, The Frugal Gourmet and so on. His new book is Martin Yan's China. (Saturday @ 1:00, to 2:30)
  
• and one of the original food bloggers, Adam "Amateur Gourmet" Roberts (Saturday @ 4, to 5:30). I will at least be there for that one.
  

Not exactly food-related, but since she's named for a food, she deserves a mention: Sweet Potato Queen "Boss Queen" Jill Conner Browne will also be at the festival promoting her book The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit (Sunday @ 5:30 to 7:00 in the Literary Salon). And speaking of sweet potatoes: did you know there's a Sweet Potato Festival in Shrewsbury, PA, this weekend, too?

If you are a foodie author that I missed, feel free to plug yourself in the Comments section. Happy book hunting, y'all!

UPDATE (9/27) - I did get down to the Book Festival, but with much torrential rain that soaked me down to my socks - I even went into the Walters just to see if they sold any overpriced rain ponchos in their gift shop (no, though a small umbrella costs $24.95). I ran into Julie (Kitchenography) and Elizabeth (Strawberries in Paris) at Adam Roberts' book reading/cooking demonstration - his first. Adam made a delicious tomato sauce with penne pasta, which we in the audience got to taste, and he described the way to make perfect roasted chicken. He also encouraged budding gourmets to try and don't be afraid to fail in the kitchen (he gave some high-larious examples of some of his own past failures). Afterwards, the three of us got to meet Adam, who is a very nice guy. We were able to give him and his partner Craig some recommendations on some good places for crabs, dinner and brunch. Plus, Adam signed my thoroughly drenched copy of his book How to Shop, Chop and Table-Hop Like a Pro (damn rain). So Adam, I hope you Craig enjoy the rest of your night and day in Baltimore, and that you liked our recommendations!

Also: Adam's fellow NYC-blogger Emily Farris, author of the Casserole Crazy blog, is at the Food for Thought tent on Sunday at the same time - 4 PM. I had to admit, I don't make a lot of casseroles. Maybe Emily's book and blog will give me some more inspiration? I'll have to check it out.

Secret Menu GOLD!

I was checking out the Mighty Girl blog, published regularly by San Francisco blogger and author Margaret Mason (who wrote the very funny No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog - hey, what if all you write about is food!?). I just got the book from the Baltimore County Public Library. Check it out!

Anyway, she posted something yesterday that really caught my eye: secret menus of Bay Area restaurants. It started at the popular SF restaurant the Presidio Social Club (no I didn't get there last August), and then her search just went from there. Margaret even links to a page about the secret menus of national chains and fast food joints.

Y'all know where I'm going with this by now.

So how many Baltimore-area places have secret menus? I need to start exploring this question. If anyone knows of some, please let me know. I want to start a running tally.

Various and Sundry Food Thoughts

Blogger Brunch

I went to a fun blogger brunch at Julie's place. We had about ten or twelve people show up, all area (though not all food) bloggers. Nice meeting or seeing y'all again, Rachel, Simone, Meg, Xani, Erin, Jamaila (who has four blogs), Janet and Anne. I had no idea that so many bloggers were either designers or lawyers / in pre-law. And Julie, you have a lovely kitchen. Everything was good and I can't remember everything I ate . I liked it all, but there were a few good quiches, some tasty fruit salad, hummus and the best sundried tomato pesto/spread/dip I have ever had. I need that recipe again. I made a buttermilk pie, the recipe for which I found on the NPR website.

Help Friends, Get Korean Food

I had to leave early to help some friends move into a nice new house just across the street from the Rotunda. It was an easy move distance-wise because they are moving out of their smaller house in Hampden. They lived on one of the side streets where there is absolutely no parking in any way, shape or form. Ever. They are very happy now - parking all the time! Plus they treated me to Suzie Soba's for dinner afterwards. I still love her bibimbap, but do try the bulgogi when you can.

From the "This Stuff Is Naaaaas-ty!" Files

Don't. Ever. Buy. This:


It does not taste like cherries, or chocolate, or Dr. Pepper (Diet Dr. Pepper actually does, remarkably). I bought it not looking, thinking I had picked up just your ordinary Diet Dr. Pepper. I forced myself to drink it just to not waste the $1.35 plus tax, but I couldn't get through much. Out in the trash with barely a few ounces gone.

So should I even bother canceling my dinner reservations for Friday night?

You know, I don't even give a flying confit about Top Chef 4, despite the fact that this recent fourth season of Project Runway rocked (and congrats to Annapolis-born winner Christian - you go, fierce girl! He's only 22, too). Instead, I am contentedly watching Aftermath: Population Zero on the National Geographic Channel. I tried to watch it Sunday night but fell asleep halfway through (yes, 9PM on the day that we set the clocks forward - so really my body thought it was 8:00!). I'm catching up now, 'cuz I love these post-apocalyptic, "what-if" type shows. It's the latest version of (unrelated) Alan Wiseman's book The World Without Us, my favorite book of 2007, and the ensuing (also unrelated) "sex'd up TV special," Life After People on the History Channel. The premise of all of them: what would happen to the world, animals and all, if every last human being - every man, woman and child - disappeared all at once? What of ours would last, and for how long? And how would other animals and life forms last? Our pets, SOL if they can't get outta the house (I can haz owner back pleez? I can hungree.), the NY Subway flooded in less than 2 days (Which o' yooze turned the pumps off?) and nuclear power stations eventually overheat and explode because nobody's around to stop it (Oops). But on the plus side, our ancient buildings and monuments would survive, as would some modern stone and copper structures (Statue of Liberty hangs around for thousands of years, and Mount Rushmore for millions, though most skyscrapers will be gone in a century). And National Geographic is fun anyway. Most of their specials are pretty well done.

And then there's this:

This is too weird for the workweek. Is it the weekend yet?




Dear Lord.

Cookbooks I Found at the Bawlmer Book Festival

I haven’t had any time to write about the delicious food I had or the many books I bought at the Baltimore Book Festival. I went mainly to see Tim Gunn, he of Project Runway and Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style. Doofus boy only realized as he got in the looooooong line to see him that I needed a copy of his new book! And they were out of them at his table. So I just went into a nearby booth and snapped a photo (a little tacky, but oh well). After that I went book huntin', and then sought out some sustenance, finding it at adjacent wine and soul food booths (fried fish, greens and sweet potatoes? Hush my mouth, that's good!)

Between giving up on Il Gunn and similarly giving up on a walk to the top of Mt. Vernon’s Washington Monument, I bought myself some cookbooks, among several other books. Also that day: a 2005 Frommer’s travel guide to Atlanta (20 cents) in case I can scrounge up the moolah, the book Dry by Augusten Burroughs (same price), and a fake travel guide to the mystical country of Phaic Tan (get it?) for $4.

Among my neat new cookbooks:

The New York Cabbie Cookbook by Mary Ellen Winston and Holly Garrison (Philadelphia: 2003, Running Press). Cost to me: $3

What a good way to cram an international, multicultural array of recipes into one cookbook: ask New York cabbies for their favorite recipes from their homelands (including the United States). Over 120 recipes from Greek avgolemono to Egyptian fried porgy to Senegalese egg and beef stew with veggies.

Food Editors’ Hometown Favorites Cookbook edited by Barbara Gibbs Ostmann and Jane Baker ( USA: 1984, Dial Publishing Co.). Cost to me: $3

Just like the cabbie book does for international recipes, so this book does for regional US cuisine. And like that book, it is organized not by locale but by type of dish – meat, veggie, soup, dessert, etc. Collected from newspapers and food reviewers all over America.

The Onion Book: Bounty of Culture, Cultivation and Cuisine by Carolyn Dille and Susan Belsinger (Loveland, CO: 1996, Interweave Press). Cost to me: 20¢

Tons of onion recipes, both showcasing them as the main ingredient and as a key background player in another dish. Not much more to it than that. NB: this copy is signed by Susan Belsinger! In ink!

All New Sophie Leavitt’s Penny Pincher’s Cookbook by Sophie Leavitt (Hanover, PA: 1978, published by the author). Cost to me: 20¢

Tons of recipes, laid out not with ingredients followed by procedures, but all mixed together. Presumably, it is written specifically to save y’all (and me) money!

One more y’all should get: Adam Roberts’ The Amateur Gourmet book. Not quite a cookbook, more like a book-length version of his blog. Funny. I bought this at Books-A-Million, not the Book Fair.

Other photos:

The Elegance gave me wine - and left a not-so-subtle hint about a tip (I wasn't going to leave one because I wasn't too thrilled about their service, but the reaction to my stiffing them on the tip was so funny that I gave in). The "FRIED FISH - FRIED SHRIMP" folks gave me, well, fried fish. And greens and sweet t'paters. Mmmm.

Books for everybody!

This was the beginning of the line for Tim Gunn. And these people remembered to bring books!

Baltimore Book Festival

I didn't even realize this one was coming up. Perhaps because, oh, I have too many books already and, well, I'm trying to find places for them in the new pad and, sheesh, I have so much work to do and so little money to spend!!!

Still...

Maybe I can find a good cookbook, or even better, meet fashion guru and Project Runway regular Tim Gunn at 2 PM on Sunday in the authors' tent!

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie... It Will Bring About Armageddon

Looking at this Robot Chicken adaptation of the children's classic/teacher favorite If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, all I can assume is that Seth Green is a very bad man. Yes I was rolling on the floor. It's very funny if you're familiar with the book, but kind of disturbing (in other words: you've been warned). Every apology to the author, Laura Joffe Numeroff.