Kathy Patterson has a new book!

I know I've done a piss poor job of advertising the ventures of my fellow food bloggers.  That said, I do want to give a shout out to Kathy Wielech Patterson (Minx Eats) and husband Neal Patterson.  If you've been paying attention, my fellow Bawlmer blogger and hubby have a book out on the best food finds in the area! The Food Lover's Guide to Baltimore showcases the best in food that Charm City has to offer.  Plus, Kathy has always been fun to read.  You have seen her Top Chef recaps, yes?  And while I don't have one in my grubby little hands yet, I will be getting one soon.  It's not that pricey on Amazon, so really it's a steal.

Check here for a list of launch events, including signings and such.  Congrats, y'all!

Wait - how the hell are there already used copies available???

A Dinner Party with Nick Malgieri

I was so fortunate the other night to stop by Julie Thorne's (Kitchenography's), where many area food bloggers were congregated, for an event organized by Dara Bunjon (Dining Dish and the Baltimore Dining Examiner column): an evening with pastry chef and author Nick Malgieri. Though I did not get to stay too long, I did get to meet Nick, see a lot of my fellow blogheads, meet some bloggers that I had not met before (or had only met through online social media), and eat some delicious food. I did nibble on appetizers - those mushroom caps were almost gone when I got there but the few I had were delicious - and cookies.


And I chatted with Nick, who is a charming man. Though the chat was brief, a few of us did talk with him about Thai food. He wanted to find out a good place to get some in town, and told us about one author who spent time in parts of Thailand that most American chefs have never seen, bringing in unique Thai ways of cooking that most of those chefs did not even know or believe existed! (If only I could remember that author's name!!! I need to be the anthropologist and bring notepad and paper with me at all times.)

The event was potluck/covered dish, and I got to bring a hot milk cake - recipe from John Shield's Chesapeake Bay Cookery book, which is now falling apart because I have used it so often (here's a similar recipe from the Sun).


I can only imagine the spirited conversation during the dinner party, but at least I don't have to imagine the delicious food. I did get to take some home with me, and everything I ate was delicious, from baked chicken to rice pilaf to meatballs, and everything in between.


Nick had made a Chocolate Bourbon Cake, which I did not get the chance to try since I needed to leave early. But I bet it was very good. This is just one recipe in his new cookbook Bake! which promises to "take all the intimidation out of baking" with delicious results. I am game, and may have to try and interpret that Chocolate Bourbon Cake to see what I missed.

The cake missing the slice? I brought that.

Great Grapes Bacon Cookin' Contest!

I've never been part of a cook off before. Well, this is my chance to change all that! On Saturday, June 12, 2010, I will be one of three local foodie bloggers taking the bacon cook off challenge. This is part of the Great Grapes Wine, Arts & Food Festival. Yes, I know it coincides with HonFest, but seriously, were you going to spend all day there?

The half-hour cook off is at 1 PM, where I will be competing with Kit Pollard (Mango & Ginger) and Kathy Patterson (Minx Eats) to see who can make the purtiest, most creative and above all tastiest bacon dish. I am not sure what they will be fixing, but it will have some form of bacon in it.

Also be sure to see the Sunday blogger panel at 3 PM, moderated by Dara Bunjon (Dining Dish) and also featuring Liz Stambaugh (What's To Eat Baltimore), Wendy Tien (Upstart Kitchen), Wendi Mosteiko (Bon Appetit Hon) and Jessica Lemmo (Adventures in Baltimore Restaurants)

Tickets are $20 for one day ($15 for a designated driver - that is, no wine, ticket) and $30 for two, and some come with goodies.

Foodie Potluck at Dara's House on Friday

Who says Friday the 13th has to be unlucky? It was quite a good night for a food blogger potluck dinner. And I have to thank Dara Fromm-Bunjon from Dining Dish for hosting this event that brought a lot of us together to talk and eat and drink and talk and eat. Sadly, I could not stay the whole time, since I teach on Saturday mornings (I'm underemployed, but at least I'm not unemployed). But I sure as hell got an eyeful of Dara's extensive cookbook collection (I saw only more than half of it), and my fill of conversation and food and food and food.

Did I mention there was food? And this was hardly all of it.
Photo courtesy of Sweet Mary

Since I'm still in a Food Ethnography mood, I made another helping of nataing, this time dispensing with the crispy jasmine rice cakes and just toasting up some French bread.

Everything was good, of course. There was nothing I didn't enjoy. Plus, Dara gave me a head's up about Szechuan peppercorns, which I might not have bothered to buy at yesterday's Waverly Farmers' Market. Seriously, they smell so wonderful it was like I was taking "hits" off of them.

Here is one more account of Friday evening's events from Mary over at the Sweet Mary blog. The photo is also hers. My dish is the Corningware dish in the back on the right, next to the French bread on the green plate. Mary has links to the blogs of everyone who came. I also think she's hosting the next one in January. More cupcakes, yes!!!

Notes from Baltimore Beer Week Days 2 & 3

Just a quick note about my run-ins with beer this weekend. Yesterday I headed back to my favorite wine store (And no the Wine Source is definitely NOT in any way paying me for that. Am I going too overboard with this new FTC ruling?). I urge you to explore your own local wine stores to see if they have some beer tastings in store. Anyhoo, yesterday I got to try some of Frederick's famous Flying Dog - again, since I went to their recent tasting - and Stone Brewing Company out of Escondido, CA (just north of San Diego). I've seen their Ruination Ale before, but never before had the chance to try their fascinating Smoked Ale, which would indeed go well with something grilled (as it was pointed out to me). I bought a 22 oz bottle for $5. Flying Dog had their usual tasty selections, including their seasonal Dogtoberfest beer and their 8.5% ABV Kerberos.

Today yet another tasting presented itself - Sierra Nevada and the Mid-Atlantic fave Dogfish Head were at the Wine Source. But since I've tried and liked both beers, I figured I didn't need to go to this one, and instead went to a matinee of Zombieland. Oh my God, that movie kicked ASS!

A little bummed about these Mobbies

Okay, I was flattered and honored that my peensy blog was nominated for a Mobbie award (you can still vote up to Friday evening by going to the link at right, and you can only vote once per day in each category). but I'm not doing so well. Out of 21 food blogs, I'm, um, #19. A weeeeee bit demoralizing. I feel like Chicago 2016 - with high hopes but out in the first round. Or perhaps one of those cities that didn't even make it to the final four - like Doha. (BTW: of course I'm sad for Chicago but hey, the Olympics are goin' to South America for the first time ever! Way to go, Rio!)

Anyway, just like Arianna Huffington when she ran for California governor along with 150 other people during that crazy recall election in 2003 (I know - I lived in Cali at the time, before it "fell apart"), I'm going to ask my readers to send their votes to other blogs. Alas, there is no hope for me. But thank you all who voted for me! Maybe I'll get nominated again next year?

Of course, if you really still want to vote for me, there's no one stopping you :)

LP Steamers... and several local food bloggers

Tonight, a lot of Baltimore food bloggers got together at LP Steamers. I want to thank everyone who could come. Nine of us were there - eight bloggers and a blog-spouse! We got a lot of jumbo crabs ($5.50 each - they had run out of the smaller ones), plus a few of us got fish sandwiches, chicken strips or oysters. I had the oysters - 3 of them ($9!?!?), and 3 jumbo crabs, which more than filled me up. The total for all of us: about $150.

Just a rundown of who was there: Meg (Pigtown Pigout and Pigtown Design), Julie (Kitchenography), Dara (Dining Dish), Liz (What's to Eat Baltimore?), Kathy (Minxeats and so many others) and husband, Mary (Sweet Mary) and Wendi (Exit 51). Those of you who could not come were, of course, very missed, but we look forward to seeing you the next time!

Remember Top Chef: Masters Tonight!

Again, I won't be watching, though I've been playing with the idea of re-upgrading my satellite package so I can actually get Bravo again. Or even better, switching to another provider so I can at least get it cheaper for a few months.

I'll be following the action over at Minx's All Top Chef blog.

Post #1,000

As many of my fellow college seniors were fond of saying, "What a long, strange trip it's been." But that was ages ago, back in the mid-90's. Fast forward...

It was Tuesday, September 12, 2006, sometime late evening I think, that I first tipped my toe into the waters of the blogosphere by writing these words (corrected for spelling):

Welcome to the Charm City Snacker. This is just an informal, casual journal about some places I have eaten and whether or not I'd recommend them. Hopefully you'll be encouraged to try some new stuff, or be happy to see ones you have tried.

Hmmm, what next? Well, I'm fairly new to this blogging thing - I haven't even paid much attention to them, except that there seem to be very many on the web! So the next question to ask, therefore, is WHY throw my hat into the ring? Well, I thought about it for a while, and really didn't think there was a reason to start one. I finally decided one day, trying to decide on a place to eat for dinner, that I would write a food blog - hmmm, would this be a flog? No, that sounds stupid.

So that's what I'll be writing about. My name is John, and welcome to my culinary adventures in Charm City!

999 posts, one name change and countless "Hmmm's" later and I'm still going! I've scaled back for now, but that won't be forever - grad school is almost over so I'll have more time to do this in about 3 1/2 weeks. A few other statistics, since I'm on a roll:

• 657 restaurants, markets and festivals visited (or passed by) and blogged about at least once, in eight states (California, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia and, of course, Maryland) plus the District of Columbia, and four countries (the UK, the Netherlands, Iceland and, of course, the USA)
  
• 62 recipes I have tried with varying degrees of success
  
• 170 videos linked from various sources, most of them not yet removed due to access violations
• 1,000 comments and counting
• about 1,100 photos and other illustrations posted at least once, not counting those linked from other websites
• My most favorite photo to repost over and over again? This one:

I've posted this one at least four times by my estimation. I'm not going to be catty today.

By some figures, close to 95% of all blogs fail, for various reasons - lack of passion, lack of time, or that it's just too damn monotonous. I admit: I got near to that point a few times, as I'm sure we all have. I don't remember if I did but I vaguely remember looking at another 1,000th post for ideas and inspiration - Adam Roberts (again, the Amateur Gourmet rears his bespectacled foodie head), who discussed the subject of how to start a food blog back in 2005. Adam pretty much has it all covered. I don't have any additional insights, but I will reiterate that you have to choose something you feel empassioned about to go back and write on the subject over and over.

Five of many things I am proud of in regards to this blog:

• All the people I have met over the past few years via this blog, most of them listed in the link list to the right (or left, if I've gone and changed the layout since first writing this). Since I am a spazz and will leave someone out, I am not going to list all y'all. I'll just thank you - you know who you are.
  
• The Beltway Snacking thing (again, link in the sidebar). A high school friend recently mentioned how impressed he was by all that work. I am damn proud of that.
• Taking part in the Great Tastes Baltimore food blogger panel (thanks Dara) was a lovely way to share some ideas with others, and eat some damn good food. Just watch out for that absinthe.
• The fact that it has motivated me to explore so many things that I might not have otherwise explored or done, from area festivals to recipes to miracle fruit (thanks for hosting that, Roopa) to brunching with fellow bloggers to live-blogging ridiculous reality cooking shows to meeting the alpha-food-blogger (?) Adam Roberts during a torrential downpour at the 2008 Baltimore Book Festival (I've made that spaghetti sauce at least four times, Adam. But I still say blue crab is tastier than Dungeness - as anyone raised by the Chesapeake would, no?).
  
• This blog has improved both my writing (and proof-reading) and my photo taking skills. I am professionally trained in neither, but I wrote and took some pretty nice posts and photos, I think.

I'm going to finish this millenial post with a little slide show. It's a video featuring every photo I have posted on this blog since Day 1. It goes a lot faster than you'd think. The toughest part was organizing the photos, but finding music wasn't so easy. I originally wanted to use U2's "Window in the Skies" because it's such a cool song, but the lyrics and that whole copyright thing got in the way. Instead, I use "Trance Taboo" composed by Rick Clarke of RickVanMan Productions, who creates music that he deliberately makes royalty free for the use of YouTubers in their videos. So thanks to Rick for the use of his song. And thanks to all my readers and all of you who got some good food recommendations from the other end of my computer keyboard. I could not have done this without you. That and a whole lot of time at the gym.

And of course, some video acknowledgements -

All photos of television programs are photos of the television screen taken by me. Photos of "Paula's Home Cooking." "Paula's Party" and "Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee" from the Food Network. Photos of "The Soup" from E! Entertainment Television. Photos of "Steakdar" commercial from Golden Corral. Graphic of "Write to Marry Day - No on Prop 8" from blog "Mombian: Sustenance for Lesbian Moms." Art photographed at Artscape 2007 attributed to the artists in the post "Artscape - in Haiku."

Song "Trance Taboo" created by Rick Clarke.
Credit:
Free Music from:
Music4YourVids.co.uk.

Why I'm writing about California's Prop 8

We have our own controversial propositions on the ballot here in Maryland - there's that little "yes on slots" initiative. I'm not saying how I voted on that (absentee, remember), and there's that "early voting" initiative. Okay, that's not terribly controversial, but I'm not saying how I voted on that either. That is in addition to that little matter of the presidential election. I'm also not sharing that!

As you know, I have tried to refrain from political commentary on this blog. But there is one thing I have to mention, and it affects me both directly and indirectly. It's California's Proposition 8, which would officially change the California State Constitution to define marriage as only between one woman and one man.

You probably aren't surprised that an unassuming gay man such as myself would be against this latest proposition from the prop-happy Eureka State. But why am I, a lowly food blogger based not in California but in the Mid-Atlantic, bothering to mention it here at all? I mean, it's not like Maryland is going to allow me to get married anytime soon.

I mention it for a few reasons: 1) I lived for several years in California; it's where I came out; 2) many of my friends on the West Coast are also gay men and women who love their partners; 3) I may find myself back in Cali someday. But even if I don't, there's 4) I am not a second-class citizen in my own country, and I will be damned if I am going to sit idly by and not do anything to help my friends - who are also not second-class citizens in their own country - realize that right. To be frank, I'm pretty sure same-sex marriage won't be coming to Maryland for a good while, if I ever see it as long as I live here. But I'm praying, literally, that my California queer compatriots do. And yes, I donated money. If powerful interests can donate millions from out of state to get Prop 8 passed, I can certainly donate a few bucks to get it defeated.

**SIGH** That was good to get out there.

Sean and D Paul at San Fran's Hedonia are lovers of all good food and wine in the Bay Area (no, not the Chesapeake Bay - the San Francisco Bay). They have a very nice post about the blog effort to show support for the No on 8 movement. It was on their blog that I found out about this effort on the Mombian blog (Sustenance for Lesbian Moms) - a blogger event in opposition to Prop 8, with over 400 bloggers around the country posting! The problem: it was yesterday. I am always late for every galdarned thing!!! Well, I'm still submitting this post. If it isn't up there yet, it soon will be!

One more thing: it's nice to know that some restaurants are donating some of their proceeds to fight Prop 8. Take West Hollywood restaurant Taste, for example. On October 20, it donated 25% of all its profits to No on Prop 8. Next time I'm out there, I'm stopping in (courtesy Eater LA).

Oops, now one final thing I just noticed after hitting "Publish Post": According to 538.com (I LOVE that site), the Field Poll is about to release a poll showing that Prop 8 is trailing 49-44 (that means the "No" side is ahead).  They're pretty good with predicting referenda (94% success rate), but it's still pretty close.  So here's hoping.

NFNS4 Live-Blogging: Finale!

I have finally come to the end of this strange live-blogging enterprise, started a few months ago. An interesting, fascinating enterprise, starting halfway through Top Chef 4. Again, I can make no predictions. but according to the latest, totally unscientific poll I've had on this site all week, most visitors to this site think that Lisa is the most likely winner tonight. I kind of think so too, so I make a prediction (that could be totally wrong): Lisa takes it all tonight. She's had some control issues, but she's not afraid of anything camera-shaped (Aaron), nor do the judges doubt her passion (Adam). And they don't hate her either.

10:00 Oh my. Do we really need the retrospective?

10:02 Still with the recap!?!?

10:03 Okay, okay. Lisa Garza, Adam Gertler, Aaron McCargo, they're all passionate and proud, yadda yadda yadda, rubber baby buggy bumpers. We get it...

10:04 So far, almost as boring as the finale of Make Me A Supermodel!

10:05 Okay, down to the nitty gritty: the final challenge!

They will be creating their own, fully-produced demo pilot of their show, doing it on Rachael Ray's set.

And their producer? Gordon Elliot, the fey, the only, the English gentleman extraordinaire!

10:06 They need to put together a pitch. How about pouring boiling pitch over them instead? Oooh, mean of me. Sorry, could not help myself.

Lisa's pitch: Beautiful Basics and Plain & Simple. Well, she did say she wasn't a one-trick pony. Pretty damn all over the place. Seems more like a herd of ponies.

Gordonizing it: Greening it up!

10:07 Aaron's pitch: Uh, I forget. Something about accessibility.

Gordonizing it: Big Daddy's Kitchen!

10:08 Not a Sunny in Philadephia reference! He talks to people live on the web about food. Aren't they debuting a show like that this week?

10:10 And we start Lisa's pilot. Black cod with zabaglione and leeks, but accessible!

Ouch! It doesn't look easy at all. She's already cursing herself for not being perfect. Dude, only Maaahtha is perfect. Don't sweat it.

10:11 Third try was the charm.

10:12 Coming up: CAMERASAAAAAAAACKOHMYGODHELPMEIT'SACAMERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

10:13 Poll just closed. Here are the results:

Aaron	5 (29%)
Adam	3 (17%)
Lisa	6 (35%)
Who cares? I hate 'em all. Just get the damn show over with alright already!	3 (17%)

Yep, Lisa has it, though she certainly doesn't have a clear majority on this. It's Leese by a C!

10;15 This Hillshire Farm ad is amusing, no? Straight men should not be allowed to dress themselves. Sorry guys, you're just not very good at it.

10:16 And Adam does his pilot next.

Wait: They don't film it in Rachael's real home? Aw, come on!

So this is like a Danny Boome-meets-live cam thing. Beer chicken and garlicky green beans.

10:17 His name is now Hungry in Philadelpia now?

10:18 This has a strange Red Dwarf sort of feel. Hello, Hilly! Now all we need is Gordon to have a big shiny H implanted on his forehead.

10:19 Terrorist fist bump!

10:20 And now we have Aaron's promo. Ooooh, watch out, man. It's a camera!

And he's making steak and honey-glazed plantains and sautéed collard greens. Yum-o! Aaaaaaaaaugh! Aaron, don't do what I just did and lapse into Ray-ness.

10:21 Aaron is 105% certain that he messed up. I probably would be too. As for Gordon? Doesn't think he did so bad. Hasn't he been doing this for a few weeks now?

10:23 More Hillshire Farminess:




Okay, most straight guys don't know how to dress themselves, not all. Heterophobic comment - I'm sorry.

10:27 Ta-daaaaa! We knew Flay would be back! But wait - what the f*ck happened to Alton Brown? Wasn't he on this show at some point?

10:28 Lisa looks dazzling!

Aaron looks like he's ready to teach some math!

Adam: I love your shirt. Are you sure you're not gay, dude? Nah, probably not.

10:29 OooooOOOOoooh, all the rejects are back!

Wait, who's Kevin again?

Kevin, Corey, Jeffrey, Nipa, Jennifer, Shane, Kelsey - it's like the season finale of Doctor Who.

10:31 Lisa's demo:

She seems to be going smoothly so far. Although this isn't important, the col,or of the dress actually works in that kitchen. Loud, fun! She's doing a good job at multitasking. Damn, it looking easy. Woooooow...

How did she prepare those leeks again? Didn't catch. too busy typing.

Lisa looks pleased.

10:33: Line of the night "Accessorize the fish!" DRINK!
'
Take home message: screw you, Ray. I'm doin' fifteen-minute meals!

She gives all the credit to Gordon. Tuschie, Suze and Bobby, however, are impressed by La Garza.

10:37 And we're back with our finalists! So far, I still think Lisa will win, but we'll see...

Adam's pilot: Hungry in Philadelpia - that's his online name, ladies. Look for him!

And that patented Adam Gertler charm and smarm are comin' out full force. Crispy skinned beercan BBQ chicken. Sounds good. Not so impressed with Adam's outfit, but again he might need something to ground him and work to balance out his off-the-wall personality.

BTW: I can totally vouch for him on that smoked paprika. It is all I use paprika-wise anymore.

Silly dancing chicken dance. Oh, Adam, you so crazy!

10:41 I hate to admit this, but I actually laughed at that last part where he ate the chicken. oh my.

Oh, and Tuschie says that he has an ease in front of the camera. The judges finally see what they were looking for from Adam.

10:42 One more commercial break...before the next two.

10:45 And finally, Aaron's pilot. Hopefully he gets over his fear of the camera. It's Big Daddy's Kitchen...

10:46 Okay, now I got it - jerk ribeye steak with plantains. missed that before. I think the shirt is a little dull but hey, it grounds him, too. I love how excited he is about this food. Damn, man, if you're ill at east in front of the camera it sure as hell doesn't seem like it. Beautiful presentation. And I like that sarcasm in front of the camera.

He's finally overcome his fear of all things camera-shaped. Does he realize that? Maybe now!

10:49 The judges are impressed with Aaron - everything they've ever loved about him are back.

So final judgment: no disasters at all. In fact, these three have made it ridiculously difficult to declare a winner.

10:50 NOT THE CIRCLEBACK!!!

MID-GAME ANALYSIS - Fifteen minutes ago I was ready to call it for Lisa hands down. Now I am just befuddled. I cannot think of any negatives from any of these people. Feel free to snark if y'all do, but I was honestly pleased with Lisa, Adam and Aaron.

• Lisa seemed very engaged, maybe less engaged than the other two, but hers is the most professional and slick, in a good way.
  
• I love Adam's funniness and the idea of literally engaging viewers. Very witty, though maybe it could come off smarmy.
  
• Aaron? He's just come back and owned it. He is excited about his food. Too excited maybe?
  

I am trying to find negatives for these three but it's kind of a stretch.

10:55 The judges' assessment:

Adam: easy to watch, much changed from episode 1's "Chaos in the Kitchen"

Aaron: so much confidence! Food credibility shows, as does the passion. flay roots for him.

Lisa: so accessible it's amazing. Intriguing, knowledgeable, Flay looks forward to watching her.

So Tuschie brings it back to the first question: who is ready to start tomorrow?

10:56 FN Prez Brooke Johnson gives congrats to all three of them. But who will it be?

I have no fucking clue. Stephanie?

10:57 If anyone cries, someone's goin' doooooowwwnnn...

10:58 And the winner is... Aaron McCargo!

Now see, Aaron's wife and sister are dazzling us with their outfits. Aaron? You should've dressed a bit more festively for this big moment, dude. Dude!

10:59 Wow, they weren't kidding when they said "Can (s)he start next week?" were they? Aaron's show premieres next week!

11:00 And Ted Allen tackles subject matter that he seems to have forgotten was already covered on MythBusters and Good Eats. Will Top Chef let him come back? Ooooh, spicy food advice. Folks, use a base like bread or milk to counter the acid of the heat! At least it's as funny as those shows.

POST-GAME ANALYSIS - As I was watching this last hour, I was feeling kind of sorry for the two inevitable losers - whose identities I did not at the time know - because I really would have enjoyed watching each person's show. Hopefully we'll see Lisa and Adam again, somewhere. Though sadly, we've never seen any also-rans from this show before, have we? It's not like this is Project Runway, whose also-rans pop up on a regular basis (Did you see Austin Scarlett as guest host for the first episode this season? He didn't even make it to the finale of that show.) Even Top Chef brings its first, second and third runners up back on a regular basis.

Anyway, good luck to Aaron! I'll be looking forward to seeing Big Daddy's Kitchen. But I'm not live-blogging it. I'm not doing anything like that til the next season of Top Chef.

TNFNS4 Live-Blogging: Vegas Throwdown

Thunder is a-boomin' again tonight, and it's damn loud. So if there is no live-blog tonight, or if it stops abruptly midstream, you know why.

Since the judges keep pulling the rug out from under us, I'm just not bothering to predict a damn thing now. Predictions will come during the show...

10:01 Okay, yadda yadda yadda, just get it the hell over. Malaise is a-settin' in, y'all...

10:02 Talk about a red-eye flight! What,, is it 4:30 or something?

Ah, Southwest. The only airline that still doesn't even charge for two checked bags, much less one.

10:03 Uh, Kelsey, that ain't the real Caesar.

10:04 That table reminds me a wee bit of the Gershwin Hotel. Just silly fun stuff.

10:05 And fresh in from her gig in Tunica, Mississippi, is La Dean herself. Leese reminisces about her granny from the Volunteer State. DRINK if you don't know what state that is!

10:06 Paula: "Food brings people together, transcending: races, sexes, countries, religions, sexual orientations, height, even vegetarians and meat eaters!" A culinary UN. Join hands and sing "Kumbaya, My Lord!"

10:07 And El Flay makes 'em do some fucking throwdown. ***ROLLEYES***

Oh what's this? A 75 minute throwdown/interview!? Again, DRINK!

Dayna Devon, fresh in from The Soup Extra, gets ready to interview while Lisa and Adam have to make each other's dishes - Lisa makes Adam's mac and cheese, Adam makes Leese's cassoulet.

10:09 Adam = ChaOs! Lisa = Cassoulet! Mmmm, beans and sausage. Adam zhuzhes it up with several types of sausage and pestos.

Adam = Cassoul-aos?

10:10 Adam loves the boxed mac n' cheese, and so he tries to make his totally different (!?!?) DRINK! Lisa makes it her own by... um... making a goat cheese sauce with grilled poblano and tomato. Yep, SIMPLE!

10:11 And speaking of simple: Adam's making LOBSTER MAC! Sigh. DRINK!

10:16 Well, a good idea from Adam for a change: focus on the food. Hmmm, surprising.

Men can't do two things at once? Ha! Excuse me, Dayna, but... (stopping typing to look at the TV... What was I doing?

10:17 AND panko. I love panko, too, bud. I'd eat it every meal, well, cover everything I eat in it at least.

10:18 Lisa: Don't. Ever. Dance. Again.

10:19 Ooooh, NFNS4 pulls a fast one on us: Paula says she hates lobster mac n' cheese - but not YOURS, Adam!

10:20 Yikes - she really doesn't like Lisa's. Owwie.

Lisa has more luck with her cassoulet. Paula is verklempt. Ditto Bobby Flay. Northerners and Southerners love your cassoulet, Leese. It IS the meal of America! East of the Mississippi, at least.

Adam: your cassoulet sucks. Oh well!

10:22 I agree with Leese. She and Adam are on level ground - each excelled at his or her own dish, but loused up the other's.

10:26 And we are back. it's Kelsey and Aaron. Stuffed pork loin (Aaron's) and chicken parmagiana (Kelsey's). Actually, a rousing round of chess-boxing would be fun, too.

10:27 Aaron, um, buddy, don't bother with the sides. Uh, dear? Oh fuck it, he can't hear me anyway.

10:28 So, Kelsey pulls the old different-cut-of-meat trick. And Aaron further proves that ol' "men can't multitask" meme from 10:16.

10:29 wait, Aaron doesn't know what a chipotle pepper is? Well, it IS big n' bold, that's for sure. Kelsey goes for ittybitty and dainty.

10:30 Aaaand who's more annoying: Kelsey or Extra's Danya Devon?

WTF? Fifteen minutes before the end of the 75-minute challenge, and Aaron is the very last person to realize that he forgot to do the chicken. This is worth a whole page of

DRINK!!!!!

I guess men really can't multitask!

10:32 Of course, the real irony of that Budweiser ad is that the company is now owned part-and-parcel by a Belgian country. Maybe it won't taste like piss now?

10:34 God puts them back on almost even footing by making Kelsey overcook her chicken parm. "LOOK BOBBY I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! ***BIG GRIN***" DRINK!

10:36 Well well well, Aaron finished the chicken in time after all!

Let's see how the judges liked the chicken parm...

Kelsey: chicken parm satay!

Aaron: garlic cream sauce chicken parm.

Kelsey's sauce pleases Bobby. Suze looks happy. Paula notes its appetizer-like ittibittiness. Aaron, on the other hand, whipped up a soul-satisfying chicken parm in just fifteen minutes! Eat that, Rachael Ray!

10:38 Kelsey's and Aaron's pork go in different directions. Aaron's is sweet and heat, Kelsey's is restauranty. Oh, was her pork what was overcooked? It's incredibly small, that's for sure.

10:39 And Kelsey's meat was fugly. Just smack her why don't ya?

10:40 Okay, so where are we now? well, let's assess:

Lisa and Adam: pretty even. Each had one fabulous dish, and one sucky dish. Paula said she hated Lisa's mac n' cheese, and everyone agreed Adam's cassoulet was "beginner-y". I'll say they're even. I just don't know how they'll be assessed on these guys' personalities.

Kelsey: Both of her dishes were weak and petite. Tasty, but...

Aaron: just wiped the floor with her. And he almost forgot one of his dishes. And that was even without multitasking. And with one hand tied behind his back! And without anyone to tell him what chipotle is!

As for personality: I don't think Aaron made a good or bad impression on the judges, but Kelsey seemed to look amateurish to them again.

So I think the likeliest to go home tonight is Kelsey, followed by either Lisa or Adam. Aaron, I think, is safest of these four, despite his forgetting the chicken parm.

10:44 And we are at judges' table...

10:45 And "Garza vs Gertzler" are up. Adam's best dish ever was his lobster mac n' cheese. Lisa's energy was very go-getter-y, but not for her mac n' cheese.

Cassoulet: represents Lisa perfectly, while Adam makes cassoulet porridge. Mmmm. Cue the rain of bears.

Personality wise? Lisa is nervous making. Adam = ungracious? I didn't get that. Well okay, he didn't look up. Ah, so his humor needed to be there.

10:47 And then they inquire about his viewpoint. And there's Tuschie's critique: you have no passion, dude.

Kelse vs Aaron: Pork-wise, Aaron's pork was beautiful, Kelsey's not so much. threw her POV out the window.

Chicken parm? Kelsey made it cooked and crispy, but the sauce didn't go with it. Aaron's? Chicken was cooked perfectly. I KNEW Aaron would be... oooooh, Aaron's performance was sucky.

Dude: talk and cook at the same time, not talk, stop, cook, stop, talk, stop, cook, stop. I'm painting my living room while I type this, man. Look at me! I'm multitasking!

10:50 Kelsey: "Well this one time? At culinary camp?" DRINK if you can't figure out that reference without cheating...

And self-critiques all around.

10:51 Let me guess: circle back.

I hate circle back.

10:52 Y'know, I'm just thinking back to Aaron's forgetting the chicken dish. It's just amazing how he not only pulled it out of the fire, but so perfectly. Of course, since he fears the camera and can't talk while cooking, it may all be for naught.

10:54 Okay, now I'm kind of clueless. I truly have no idea who is going home. I no longer think Aaron is safe, that's for sure. Nope, any one of these bozos could go bye-bye. So I'll just pick a random name and say, er, um, Kelsey!

10:55 And now the problems with our final four:

Lisa: IS LIKE ROBOT CONTROL FREAK

Aaron: Great until he's in front of a camera. What's the point of having your own TV show then?

Kelsey: PERSONALITY!!! Crispy, too.

Adam: Learning on their dime. Bob thinks he's dispassionate about food.

10:56 And Aaron is safe first, followed by Lisa. Didjeridoo music sends them off for some strange reason.

10:57 I think it might be Adam now. He's overdue and Bob don't like him.

10:58 And I shoulda stuck with my first guess. I lose whenever I play along in the car with NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! too. Kelso walks off with a perky smile and a chirpy crispiness! And hey, she got to the final four.

10:59 Aaaaand the final free, er, three, psychoanalyze themselves.

11:00 And next week our last three eliminees are brought back as sous chefs. Looks like a buffet for Vegas workers.

And a first in the history of the show? Let me guess: they're not eliminating anyone, right? Please Sue, Project Runway pulled this in Season 3.

POST-GAME ANALYSIS: Did I not say a few weeks back that Aaron was going to the finals? I did! Still not quite sure how Adam made it there. But seriously, with all the problems Aaron has on-screen, I just don't see him winning.

So my assessment for the final three is as follows:

FIRST ELIMINEE - Adam
THEN GOES - Aaron
AND OUR WINNER IS - Lisa

And she didn't even have to mention those pesky Three C's.

Now excuse me: I'm watching The Soup.

NFNS4 Live-Blogging: Enticing and Easy with Bon Appétit

I may be off by an ep or two, but by my estimation we're about at the halfway mark with The Next Food Network Star. Last week we lost the divalicious Nipa. Based on how our remaining lovely contestants have been doing, this is my best guess at who is ripe for elimination, starting with the most likely:

1. Jen

Oh yeah, it's time.

2. Adam

The charm is wearin' thin. Just as an aside: anyone notice how he's been fully clothed as of late?

3. Shane

It's either him or Lisa in the No. 3 spot. I still think Shane is in more danger. Lisa may have done some goofy things lately (high heels and a $300 used blouse while running around a messy kitchen), but I still get the "He's just not good enough to stick around to the end" vibe from the judges.

4. Lisa

I don't know. I just have this feeling she's less likely to go home than Shane. Call it a hunch.

5. Kelsey

Annoying, yes, but the judges have just gone apeshit over her lately!

6. Aaron

Last week was a fluke. He's going to the finale.

Another aside: when you Google "next food network star 4" (not in quotes), this blog is the sixth webpage listed, specifically my analysis of the June 22 episode. Nifty!

10:00 It still makes me squeamish to see Nipa get so grossed out over touching raw seafood. Just kidding - it's hilarious!

10:01 And Adam works out for us. It's finally hit him like a rubber chicken that he needs to go ixnay on the apstickslay

10:03 And it's Cat Cora! Today's quickfire challenge: create an original dish from the ingredients in a pic-a-nic basket in front of you and describe it on camera.

I'm not going to begin describing what they're doing and what they're doing it with - too fast!

10:04 Was Kelsey's hand bleeding into the pan? That was weird.

Ah, so these guys have to find better, more literary ways to describe their food. Is this one of those "What does purple taste like?" exercises?

10:05 I see. They're describing somebody else's dish. Evil, Cat, evil. But they get to taste it and look at it first.

10:06 Kelsey: Mmmm! It's like roast beef and mashed potatoes and gravy and blueberry pie! And why am I turning blue, er, red? And sweating like this OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!! That's habanero flank steak for ya'. DRINK!

10:07 Shane has cod and fennel. Did anyone else think it looked mucous-y to them?

10:08 Adam and Aaron do each other's dishes. Adam goes first with Aaron's delicious cake. Beautiful was a good adjective to use. No, DON'T stuff half the cake in your mouth, dude! ***EYES ROLL*** Oh, and DRINK!

10:09 Aaron's not such a big fan of Adam's Dried Shit Ache Mushrooms.

10:10 Lisa's doing well with Jen's pork and mango. She really likes it. I actually think she did okay. This is something Lisa is working on, but she strikes Cat as a phony. Like, oh ma GO-od!

10:11 Like, I think this is linguine. What the hell is this thing on my plate? Mmmm.

Yup, Jen's goin' home tonight. DRINK for every thing she does to foreshadow it.

10:12 Wow, Shane won, because he best described the ingredients.

"But wait, you have yet another challenge" - No, Chef Cora, say it ain't so!

10:16 And now the elimination challenge. Adam channel his mom for the following:

Take a gourmet dish and translate it for the average home cook, from bag to table in 45 minutes

They have to choose one of the following to make in 45 minutes, with a separate side dish:

beef wellington, coq au vin, and turducken, each of which takes a very long time to make.

Shane and Kelsey are working together, as are Adam and Aaron, and Lisa and Jen. Shane gets to choose everybody's dishes since he won the first challenge. Oh, and the winners of this challenge get their creations in Bon Appétit Magazine! (Edited, conveniently, by Cat Cora)

10:19 Lisa curses the day Shane was born. Lisa (to Shane): Bitch, you goin' doooooooooown...

Good for Adam: he plans to listen this time.

10:20 Ouchie! Lisa does not want Jen around since she sucks. "NOBODY be walkin' all over JEN!"

10:21 Fun in the kitchen! Coq au vin takes two days to make (note to self: try to make it sometime). Aaron has a sick feeling about Adam's bad timing issues, so raw chicken breast on the bone?

10:22 Guess who got it right? Yep, Aaron. Smack that man, Aaron! But only after you deal with your own polenta issues. Oops, again, the polenta was Adam's mess.

10:23 Aaron: "The plates look disgusting" as if they've been plated by a three-year old. C'mon, Aaron, be generous! That's first-grader quality you're lookin' at.

10:27 Aaron: "Adam and I 'reinvented' coq au vin in 45 minutes." You could say that...

10:28 So for their coq au vin, Aaron describes it and Adam talks about how he feels about it. Aaron wants to tear his head off.

10:29 Kill him, Aaron, kill him. The guest judge said that Aaron looked nervous, and the polenta looked like scrambled eggs. Kinda snotty I think. Hey, the second thing tonight that looks like mucous. DRINK!!!

10:30 Turducken in 45 minutes? Yes, when you use chicken medallions for the outside and chicken sausage inside! Jen curses over gourd medallions. Oh shoot, did she just break that bottle over the food!?!? DRINK!!!

10:31 Lisa loves that glass-coated turkey! Mmmm! Say, what's that proteiny flavor in my mouth? Tastes like blood. Sadly that's the only flavor it has.

10:32 Lisa plates aaaaaaaall byyyyy heeeeer-er-er-er-er-seeeelf!

10:33 Now this wasn't what I was thinking about Leese, but they told her that she had to be less domineering and bossy. I know what y'all must be thinking. I didn't say it! I just think that's a rude thing for the judges to say.

10:34 Damnit I have to see Adam Roberts' FN Dish some time! It's probably better than this show.

10:35 Oh, looks like the Food Network has its own little quarterlife series with Ask Aida!

10:36 Why doesn't anyone just call a fucking green bean a green bean?

10:37 And the hour turducken with squash becomes a tur-cken with green beans. Dry and boring, but it's better than bleeding all over your food.

10:38 And the young'uns attack beef wellington. Shane wrings hands over his creamed pearl onions and Kelsey annoys some roasted veggies.

Love those plates, though. And these guys actually look to be the most on top of things of anyone. Guess lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean you suck after all!

10:40 Visually disgusting, though the fillet was tasty and cooked well. Long story short: it tastes better than it looks!

10:44 I have revised my list of who's most likely to go home tonight. Based on how things are going so far:

1. Jen
2. Adam
3. Aaron
4. Lisa
5. Kelsey
6. Shane

Let's see...

10:45 So how do the judges feel?

Shane & Kelsey - For the quickfire, Kelsey only discusses the taste (you nothing, you). Kelsey is too pixie-like to be authoritative. And shut up about culinary school! You still sound like a student! For Bon Appétit, again it was ugly but delicious.

10:47 Jen & Lisa - Jen doesn't seem to know her noodles, her anything about the food. Really, does anyone want a chef that has no idea what the hell her ingredients were? And they had to throw away the duck confit, again Jen's fault. Lisa has a moment, and the judges give her that pep talk. Presentation-wise: Jen exuded confidence.

10:49 Aaron & Adam - Aaron didn't do too well describing Adam's dish, apparently. As for the coq au vin, what the hell do you think they'll do in 45 minutes with a two-day dish? Adam is still here solely on the basis of his personality. Dude, your food sucks. As for Aaron, he is self-editing. Use words that the hoity toity chefs don't understand! Even if they have to replay them during that stupid Circle Back moment.

10:52 Hmmm, I'm starting to think they'll send Adam home instead, based on that "Your food just is not good" comment that Tuschie made. Still, losing half your dish because you broke a glass bottle of juice over it? That's knuckle-headed-ry in action for ya!

10:53 Can it be said again that Duff does in fact rock? He follows this episode.

10:55 Okay, I still stand by Jen being the one kicked out this week. But if I'm wrong then it will definitely be Adam. Jen or Adam, but more likely Jen - that's my prediction.

10:56 And now the moment of truth... First, Barbara Fairchild and Chef Cora choose Team Shane and Kelsey as the winners. Did anyone not see this coming?

10:57 Lisa is also safe, as is Aaron.

10:58 And it's down to Adam who has given them one good dish. One. And to Jen, who has no expertise at all!

10:59 Wow, I was right for a change! Adam is safe for just one more week, as for once Jen is the one receiving the apologies instead of giving them.

And it really sucks for the final five, as they have to spend airtime with Rachael Ray on her syndicated show. Seriously, I'd jump out a window. Okay.

11:00 And Duff talks about Guy Fieri (pronounced the Bawlamoronic way, Fi-air-ee, instead of Guy's way, Fi-Eddie) coming to Charm City for Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, while Duff brings a massive guitar-shaped cake to Paula Deen and she... no, I'm tired of the frying jokes. She did not fry the cake. But I bet y'all could've seen that wisecrack coming! Question though: to get to Savannah's most famous chef, why does Duff have to go north?

POST-GAME ANALYSIS - I've read many a mean-spirited comment about Jen. I even got an anonymous comment that said some stuff I really didn't want to print about her (maybe if the post hadn't been anonymous, since some of you probably know my policy on negative anonymous comments*). But it was indeed time for her to go home. Her and Adam - in fact, I would've been fine with the judges kicking them both out tonight. I'm really wondering how Adam has stuck around for so long. Ah well - maybe he'll shape up by next week? Who knows?

*Negative comments are fine. Anonymous comments are fine. Negative anonymous comments are not fine - back up what you have to say with an identity!

Best Wishes to a Local Food Blogger / We're in the Paper!

A few of us met last night at J. Patrick's to give our best wishes to Roopa Kalyanaraman, author of Raspberry Eggplant. Roopa, sadly, is heading back to New York, though she will be back in town on occasion to visit boyfriend Matt, who's got another year at Hopkins. Good beer - including my two Guinnesses - and Roopa's tasty pomatcha cupcakes - green tea mini-cupcakes with pomegranate molasses frosting - were a nice send off. Good luck, Roopa! I'm glad I found the recipe for those cupcakes.

Also, check out not only Roopa but me and the rest of us in Rob Kasper's latest column for the Sun. He was one of the miracle fruit party attendees and his write-up of the party is in the paper today. A full list of bloggers in attendance is on his site.

Next Food Network Star 4 Live-Blogging: Being an Expert

Ah, settling back into the swing of live blogging, after a busy weekend of... okay, it wasn't that busy. Mostly spending quality time with my new cassette to MP3 device, though today's Charm City Pride Festival was a bit exhausting - fun, but my ears still hurt from some of the more off-key performing artists. Plus a mediorce tilapia soft taco for lunch and meeting a date for pretty decent sliders for dinner at Rocket 2 Venus all lead me to this conclusion: I'm in no mind to be an expert on food right now, but I will be anyway.

Talk about an awkward and quite forced segue.

Tonight's drink of choice: Qīngdǎo, China's most famous import to the US, Tsingtao Beer, which tastes a bit sour. I bet that miracle fruit would work wonders on it.


10:02 Adam seems surprised that Tyler Florence is in the house. This is a Food Network show, dude.

10:03 The "quickfire"-type challenge requires the boys and girls to show their culinary expertise. Adam is confronted with an artichoke and he has to do something with it on camera in 60 seconds. He he he he heh.

Wow, way to destroy that lemon. That Florence calls the technique "a little sloppy" is just, well, diplomacy in action!

10:04 Aaron is at ease with pineapple garnishes - just not quick with 'em. 0 for 2?

10:05 Great - give Miss "I'm Not Annoying" the rack of lamb to deal with in one minute.

Floboy likes her energy - the best so far!?!?

10:06 Apparently, Shane Lyone, as we know, is all about technique. I did not get this memo. But I didn't know one way or the other, y'know, so fuck it.

Yikes! Nipa gets squid, which is not exactly her area of expertise.

I could really go for some calamari right now. For someone who has never dealt with squid, I don't think she did too horribly.

10:08 Aaaaaand Lisa must truss a chicken. There are so many smart-ass remarks I could make right now, none having to do with Lisa, mind you. But I won't.

Lisa isn't engaging, it seems.

10:08 What the hell is that? Oh duh, it's an urshtur, hon!

10:09 Line of the night comes from Jen: "I'm very, very sensitive to oysters." DRINK!

Don't apologize to the camera, Jennifer!!! DRINK AGAIN!

10:10 I'd suggest she apologize to the urshtur but she seems beside herself as it is. Ah, these people take this too damn seriously.

Who won, Tyler? Based on communication with the camera, it's Miss "I'm Not Annoying"! How many of you are drinking right now?

10:11 Coming up: is Lisa drunk?

10:15 So this Cooking for Real show is all about Seven Layer Aztec Dip?

10:15 "Well you know my name is Michael Simon, and I like to cook real fast!"

10:16 Today's challenge - pick one fish to make two special menu items for the Red Lobster menu, and add icky non-seafood-y items to it, like the following (one DRINK per each):

• white chocolate
• Fruit Loops
• marshmallow creme
• caramel cubes
• etcetera, etcetera, gag, gag
  

This is a hateful challenge. Funny too!

10:18 Aren't Nipa's reactions just hilarious? She hates touching raw, dead whole fish! Any bets on her odds for making it to next week?

Shane - marshmallow creme and sole!?!?

Lisa's Arctic char and coffe beans is not as weird, though Adam's halibut and caramel cubes might be pushing it. Oh dear lord!

Kelsey's tilapia and white chocolate dish can't be much worse than that tilapia taco I had today at Pride.

Nipa mixes trout and jelly. I don't honestly think the woman will make it through filleting the fish.

10:21 While Jen preps her beer-battered mahi mahi in cereal crust, Aaron blinks his eyes and makes something perfect. Hey, I've used soda as a marinade, just not with cod.

10:26 I hate Red Lobster.

I hope none of these people gets seasick too easily. But hell, they did cook on a moving train so how bad can this be?

10:27 The Perkstress is first up! And here she is makin' tilapia and white chocolate for the judges and thirty Coast Guard members. And if she annoys them, they'll kick her ass.

I don't know why, but for some reason she's annoying me. The eaters like the dish though.

10:29 Adam is next, and plans to trip over that step, not realizing how bad that can be for presenting your food.

What the hell - DRINK!

10:30 This yutz is a comedian?

And Bob remarks at how fishy the fish tastes. Which is odd, since it's, y'know, fish.

10:31 Well it's too late, ba-by, no-ow it's too late... to de-sweeten the fish. Any anti-miracle fruit out there?

Imagine all the stuff the Coast Guard goes through - are these people really going to be scared by Fruit Loops?

10:33 OMG MONSTER FRUIT LOOPS INVADING FROM THE SKIES!!! CALL DOCTOR WHO!

10:35 Phew, false alarm...

10:36 It just dawned on me: since these dishes must all be Red Lobster-accessible, they don't actually have to be that good. So nobody really has anything to worry about!

Did she just say Bollywood dancing? Oh dear, she did.

Coming up: a ten-minute production number about how dry Nipa's fish is!

10:37 Lisa is funny! Even sadder when you consider that she wore expensive clothing in an environment where food is known to splatter.

10:38 Is Leese going for the sympathy-from-the-judges-and-vets vote by mentioning her brother in Iraq? Just curious.

10:39 Shane actually seems the most at ease to all the judges. Hmmm...and his food actually did go over okay.

10:40 The first time in the season where Aaron struggles in any way, shape or form.

Damn, I didn't expect them to say his cod was "a big mess" - apparently, he did...

10:44 And now it's judges table... and what do these dirty louses have to say?

10:45 And now, the judges...

Lisa: connect with the camera. Your Iron Chef moment? Not exactly "Mr. and Mrs. America" ribstickin' Red Lobster crap. Sorry, Leese. But at least you lit up the room!

Shane: convinced them that he knew he was doing. For the mains: sounds disgusting, but oh were they impressed!

Adam: OMG they liked his quickfire!?!? They had to spit out what he made for the main challenge. Bit off more than he could chew. And the presentation was abadeeabadeeabadee that's ALL folks!

Nipa: Squid is not your thing, right. So fake it! And familiarize yourself with the seafood, Neepe! Tandoori and jelly-cilantro trouts? Overcooked, though the prep offended Symon. The Bollywood bit: overreaching. Don't dance ever again.

Kelsey: We love you, girl! You da man! You da man! You da man!

Aaron: Aaron disappointed with his food. Whoa - he looks surprised, as most NFNS4 bloggers will be when I read their posts.

Jen: STOP APOLOGIZING! And stop being sorry for apologizing!

10:51 And that stupid, fucking Circle Back. I have a much meaner name for it but it'd be rude to call it that.

10:52 Station break: kittens being cute!



10:54 I apologize for that last bit. That's what a Tsingtao will do to you when you're antsy.

10:55 And the winner of the "My food made it onto Red Lobster's crappy menu!" award is Kelsey!

10:56 After Lisa and Shane are also sent off into "One More Week" land, the remaining contestants are confronted:

Jen, you are safe for now. I'm sorry.

Aaron: you sucked for once, but you get to stay, too. Aaron has his touching moment.

10:58 And it's down to Nipa and Adam. I think Nipa probably should go home - fish, eww - but I just have this feeling it's Adam.

10:59 Again, my Next Food Network Star-dar sucks. Adam is staying around. Again, his speedo-clad butt is around for one more week. But Nipa says she didn't really want to win it anyway.

11:00 And they're shilling Kelsey's dish for Red Lobster already!

POST-GAME ANALYSIS - This was a week when a few consistent duds shone - Kelsey! Shane! - while a few shining stars, well, didn't shine too bright - Aaron!?!? And then there were a few folks that are just descending into madness, like Adam and, sadly for her, Nipa. Early on this season I thought Nipa showed lots of promise, but she did some yutzy things that I only noticed after everybody else. Again, the promise of a South Asian-themed show on Food Network blinded me to Nipa's occasional flakiness and divalicousness. Sadly, it was too much to overcome.

So Bob, when are you going to have any kind of Asian-themed show on your bloody network? Don't blame it all on Nipa!

Next Food Network Star 4 Live-Blogging: You...in a Jar! (or Stupid Technical Issues)

Stupid f#cking computer problems have kept me from live blogging for this first half hour. It's a bit late going in, but I'll comment on a few silly things from the first half as I live blog the second.

Five silly things about this episode, first half:

1. I wasn't really impressed by what anyone said or did for the first part - take a potato and show the audience what they could do with it in just 30 seconds. That's thirty seconds, Lisa.

2. Mashed potato pizza!?!? OMGWTFMPP

3. Juuuuuuuuuuust keep talkin', Leese.

4. Adam's fully clothed outta bed for once. Good goin', man!

5. Shane: I can show you how to make vichyssoises exciting - add mushrooms!

?

The crowd goes wild. Yay.

6. Mashed potato pizza!?!?

And now, part two...

10:26 The chefs du jour have to create their own packaged product. Who wouldn't want to seal these people up in a jar? Like, forever?

10:27 Nipa's is the most work? Just cayenne and sugar! Lots of work!

Don'tcha just wanna smack Kelsey? "I'm so PERKY!"

10:28 Lisa: I know the answers because I have the "three C's". C'mon, Lisa, you just know you wanted to say that.

10:29 I forget who suggested this, but they're right: Jeffrey is the token gay.

And of course the viewing audience had no clue that Martha Stewart would show up this week! Unless, of course, they saw the preview last week.

10:30 And I now officially hate Adam. Get up, boy!

10:34 Wanna pop someone's bubble? Bring in Maaaahtha!

10:35 Lisa: "I worship Martha Stewart." Yeah but will kissing up really work?

Oh God, I feel a "three C" mention coming on! Thanks for nipping that in the bud, Martha.

10:36 Martha just doesn't know how to not cut you off.

Jen: "It's a little thick." Like you? Ohhhhh, snap!

10:37 So far it's Aaron's dish she likes.

"Sloppy Jane?" Pleasepleasepleeeeeeeese smack her, Martha Stewart!!!

10:38 And Da Adam G decides to serenade Ms. Thang.

My name is A-DAM! (BwaBWAbwuBWABWA)
And I'm a big FOOL! (BwaBWAbwuBWABWA)

But at least he got everyone else in the room to laugh.

10:39 And Martha's assessments?

Shane: "He's a nice guy" OUCH!

Adam's song: performing was fun. Something tell s me he ain't goin' home this week.

Lisa: She sure knows her way around food!

Aaron: pleasant presenter

Nipa: I don't get it as an important product.

Jen: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jeffrey: Seasoned salt?

Kelsey: Sloppy Joe? Ick!

10:40 Coming up: GOD, people, she may be at "one name" status now, but she's not God, or Oprah!

10:44 Line up, everybody! It's chorus line time! (Oh shit, forgot about the Tonys!)

10:45 - 10:51 And now for assessments:

Shane: Vichyssoises wallpaper paste. Mmmm. Add a lack of enthusiasm and voila! Instant failure!

Adam: Raw food is behind him. And this time they liked his food! As for the BBQ spice rub (OMGWTFBBQ?), not bad.

Jen: Another vote against mashed potato pizza, especially if you're on the Atkins Diet. Good sauce, though. Jen's sorry for saying she's sorry.

Lisa Lisa Lisa (and Cult Jam): Let's not discuss that 15 seconds of fame anymore. The jar thing? Beautiful.

Nipa: Girl, can you take criticism? The potato dish was delish, but the energy was, well, not so flavorful. The food buyers thought throwing cayenne and sugar together was too simple. Really?

Aaron: loses points for hiding his superhero identity on camera, but everyone loved his product.

Jeffrey: Girl, the home fries were forgettable! And the camera made him shrink. I hate it when that happens! (But it's cold!) The Cajun rub? Boring.

Kelsey: This week's reigning king/queen of raw food. The Sloppy Joe was tastier to everyone not named Martha Stewart.

Oh SNAP! Kelsey is annoying! Can't put anything past Suzy, can you?

10:51 Can we take that circle back thing and strangle the Food Network execs with it?

10:55 So let's see: this week they seem particularly displeased with Kelsey, Jeff, Shane and Jen. If I had to bet, I'd say...... Shane or Jen is leaving.

10:56 Hey, since when did they do quickfires on this show? Adam's on-camera presence saved his hairy little butt. For the other half, Lisa is saved by the judges, and Aaron is saved by Maaaahtha.

10:57 So it comes down to the dullness of Nipa, the passionlessness of Shane... and the two are still safe. It's down to Kelsey, Jeff and Jen. My money's on Jen going home.

Kelsey: "My passion isn't just about food. My passion is about television, too. And about food on television. And televisions shaped like food (sniffle). And preparing food on top of a television (snifflesniffle). And I just don't want to be annoying! (Waaaaaaah!) DRINK!

10:59 And Jeff gets kicked out! Ooooh, miscalled that one. I'm better with this on Top Chef. And the Cajun food guy is booted on his bland "Cajun" behind.

11:00 And it looks like Guy Fieri came to Bawlmer for tonight's ep of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Oh, it's the much loved Blue Moon Cafe!

POST-GAME ASSESSMENT: I'm too tired and sunburned from a day of walking around Hampden seeing women, girls, drag queens and the occasional man-dressed-as-a-man all in beehive hairdos, followed by my sister's Father's Day dinner for our father, her husband and her father-in-law, and fighting with the computer to write much here. Jeff's gone. Jen's staying around. And Adam has redeemed himself. Onward and upward.

Miracle Fruit Party!

Many local food bloggers were able to get together at Roopa's place in Mount Vernon for a miracle fruit tasting party. This sounded strange when I first heard about it, but that's only because I had never heard of the miracle fruit before. Thanks to the New York Times (and Wikipedia), we know a bit more about it in the US than we ever have.

Native to West Africa, miracle fruit (or Synsepalum dulcificum) has been eaten there for a very long time (think centuries), used to make sour foods taste sweet, and bitter foods taste, well, bitter and sweet at the same time. Saltiness and umami are also unaffected. It's the sourness that is taken away, replaced by sweet. There are no known, observed or complained-about negative side effects, so it is indeed safe (despite what the FDA says). And it's not hallucinogenic, so it's completely legal as well.

I could go into a long-winded explanation of how it works. But why do that when Roopa can explain it instead? She also mentions the great pains she took in tracking it down, and how she divided it up for all of us.



It worked for everyone, but sadly, much better for others than for me. Yes it did indeed work for me, but the effects were kind of muted. That was not everyone else's experience - they tasted some serious sweetness in things as sour as lemon (it worked best with lemon), grapefuit , various vinegars, unsweetened strawberries and rhubarb, etc. Roopa took suggestions beforehand and made sure various things were there:

• Dill pickles, which then tasted like bread n' butter ones!
  
• Balsamic vinegar tasted like the reduced kind you find in Italian desserts!
  
• Tamarind pulp tasted sweet, like you get with tandoori chicken!
• Guinness tasted like Baileys!
  
• Unsweetened tea tasted sweetened!
• Water with lemon juice in it tasted like lemonade!
• Cream cheese and goat cheese tasted like cheesecake!
• Plus, Roopa made this great coconut gel thing using only coconut milk and a little gelatin. She did it just to make it, but it tasted sweet!
  

Again, it worked great for most people, but only a little for me. Either I was doing it wrong or I am some kind of genetic freak, with some recessive gene that makes him less susceptible to the wonders of miraculin. Which bums me out because I really wanted to taste lemons like they were candy!

Here's what I did with my three rounds of miraculin:

Round 1 - I volunteered to take one of the pits, but I go no effect from it at all, after working it around my tongue and mouth for about 20 to 30 seconds. So Roopa let me have a second piece. This time (just my luck) it got stuck between my teeth after I chewed it up for about four or five seconds. Had I gotten it around my tongue more I know I would've tasted much more sweetness. As it was, the sour gummy bears were the sweetest thing I could taste. Orange slices, strawberry and the coconut gels also worked well for me. and while the lemons and limes didn't taste sweet to me, they were tolerably sour (no wincing), so I did indeed get some effect.

Round 2 - This is where I got the most effect from the miracle fruit. This time I carefully coated my tongue with it for about half a minute before chewing it up and swallowing. The effects lasted for about 20 minutes for me. Again, the miraculin made things much less sweet for me than for everyone else, but it did make balsamic vinegar and tamarind pulp taste sweeter, all citrus fruits taste more like candy, and dills taste like bread and butter pickles. Fiery pickled green beans were also a little sweet! And canned artichoke juice - ick - tasted like iced tea. As with Round 1, I saved the fatty things - cheeses, unsweetened chocolate and cocoa-covered peanuts - for last.

Round 3 - This round went much like the first, even though I spread it around my tongue pretty well. This time I chewed it up a little more during the spreading. Again, maybe I'm just a genetic freak, unable to get the full benefits of miracle fruit :(

I still intend to try it again to see what I was doing wrong. It's not easy to find in this area. Actually, it's pretty damn difficult. I may try buying it online freeze-dried as well as fresh - and I cannot vouch for any of the sellers (contact Roopa if you want to know where she got hers from). Good luck growing it anywhere north of Miami, though. And I may have had more of an effect with a whole berry, but with a limited supply, it made much more sense to cut it up and parcel it out. But again, great idea for a party, Roopa, and I enjoyed it a bunch!

That also includes the evil Old Bay-covered Cheetos (qv Pigtown Pigout) that Roopa and her boyfriend whipped up for us. I kept on saying "No - yes - no - yes!" to them. Yes won out in the end, of course.

Top Chef 4 Live Blogging: The Big Finale!

Yes, folks, we have come to the end of this live blogging venture. I reiterate: this live blogging venture (there's still the Next Food Network Chef 4, Sundays at 10). I asked a few days ago who y'all thought may win tonight. Here are the results of the poll I put up (closing halfway through the program tonight at 10:30):


Stephanie has a majority of votes. Again, this is who we think will win, not who we want to win. All the same, probably a lot of us want Steph to take the prize.

I think (and hope) it'll be Steph. I won't be disappointed if Rich wins, though I really think this is the season where a woman will take the title. Just not this woman:

photo courtesy of Minx Eats

Class. Lisa just oozes class. A few bloggers - curse y'all! - have said that they think Lisa will somehow win, and that her being in the finale is proof that the whole thing is rigged. And yes, Leese has become the favorite punching bag of anyone blogging about TC4. But in her defense, um,... er, um. Never mind. Steph or Rich.

For tonight's drink of choice, I have decided to go local. So any dumbass thing anyone says or does tonight will lead to a nice sip of Wild Goose India Pale Ale, one of several brews made by the Wild Goose Brewery out in Frederick. I bought it sight unseen (go to a place that lets you buy them individually, which isn't everywhere). It's an okay brew. That reminds me: I need to get out to Frederick at some point.

9:59 Still can't get over Lisa's whining. What - if she had gotten kicked out, did she think they'd pants her or something?

10:00 Kind of like a loooooong "Circle Back" like the Food Network does during every ep of TNFNS4. Just get the damn show over with!

10:02 Steph" "So are you guys excited?" Yay. Very excited. Drink.

10:03 The "stating the obvious award" goes to Rich: yes, we know you think she shouldn't be here. So does the rest of America.

10:04 So Padma and Tom, who stands beside you guys? April Bloomfield (Spotted Pig). Dan Barber (Blue Hill) and Eric Ripert (Le Bernardin), their honorary sous chefs! (Cool!)

The task: make a four-course meal for a black-tie dinner, including a dessert.

10:06 Steph gets to pick her sous chef first! (Ripert), Rich (Barber) and Lisa (Bloomfield) follow suit.

Lisa's going Vietnamese for her final dinner. Brit Chef Bloomfield isn't used to Vietnamese at all.

10:07 Rich is going for a "tableau of my journey as a chef", and loves having Chef Barber. The feeling doesn't seem mutual, as Rich is, shall we say, not totally decided on what he wants..

Steph's concept? Show off her styles and flavor combos. Ripert is impressed.

10:08 Exciting scenes of food prep. Yup. This'll draw 'em in.

10:09 Oh dude! Rich had a special request: liquid nitrogen. Wicked! (Kudos if you got that classic Doctor Who reference.)

10:10 At least Lisa's getting along with her sous chef.

10:11 If you didn't want tomorrow's service to be a mess, Blais, you shouldn't have made today's prep be such a mess.

10:12 Coming up: Tom puts on a tutu and blows their minds!

10:15 Which beautiful, smart, funny redhead, Kathy? Oh I know: Tiff from TC1!

10:16 Oooh, how are the producers going to screw them today? By taking away the sous chefs of course. Just for being assholes: DRINK!

10:17 What Lisa doesn't tell us is that she had fun with Chef Bloomfield by spotting a pig! Get it? Spotted Pig? Funny? No, you're right. It's not.

10:18 Rich, my man: it's ALL about the liquid nitro.

Wait did he say BACON ICE CREAM!? Ick. DRINK!

10:19 Again: why do these people on this show every fucking season downplay the pastry? They know they have to do it. Practice. people!

I stand corrected: Steph DID practice beforehand: a ricotta cake (yum)!

I bet Rich's head explodes by 10:42.

10:20 On the plus side, Tom says the menus all sound great.

On the minus side: Rich did indeed say "bacon ice cream". DRINK!

10:21 I didn't expect Lisa to be giving Steph a pep talk.

10:22 Way to flash it up, Padma!

Ah, the sous chefs have zhuzh'd themselves up for the big dinner.

10:24 Food haiku time:

Half way through the show
Judges wait in gorgeous room.
I bet Steph takes it.

10:26 Yeah right. Spa treatment. That'll make her "not pissed" at you.

10:27 Oh now I get it: they took the sous chefs away so they could eat!

So aside from Gail and Ted and Tom and Padma and the sous chefs, we also have Puerto Rican chef Alfredo Ayala and book publisher Tim Zagat, who wins the show's product placement award.

10:29 Course 1:

Rich: scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar - overheard: unfamiliar

Lisa: prawn with chili basil sauce - nice spice, too strong

Steph: seared red snapper with truffle and asparagus - best of the three, elegant.

Way to go Steph!

10:31 Course 2

Rich: guinea hen, chicken egg, foie gras and spring veggies - fresh, perfectly cooked

Lisa: tom kha hai with dumpling - satisfying, you wanna eat more of it, happy for seconds

Steph: seared quail breast over lobster ravioli - more lobster essence in the sauce, quail is perfectly cooked.

What is undercooked? I missed that.

10:33 Course 3

Rich: pickled radish, mirin broth and pork belly - pressure cooked, not as crispy, underseasoned

Lisa: wagu beef with chayote - cuke salad - sauce is so sweet, beef is not tender, cuke and chayote salad is nice

Steph: lamb medallions with maitake mushrooms, olive, pistachio and blackberry - crash and burn I thought but NOOOOOOO!, Ripert: "I love!"

Take home: Rich needs work, Lisa's is pedestrian, Steph surprises!

10:35 Dessert course

Lisa: black thai rice pudding with lime and mango creme - works

Rich: banana scalloop bacon ice cream - it actually works!

Steph: ricotta pundcake with fruit and banana creme - nothing special

10:36 Phew!

10:38 Final result of my poll: With 16 votes counted, Steph has the most with 8, but Rich now comes in a close second with 7. Lisa is at the back end with 1.

10:42 And here we are at Judges' Table. Rich thinks his culinary journey went okay. Everyone thought his first course was underseasoned.

Lisa's first course was assertive and hoooooooooot.

Steph: beautifully presented first course, dude! Lisa gets attitudinal again (c'mon, you know you'll miss it).

10:44 I've never seen tom kha kai on this show before. They're not the only ones who love it.

Oh, Steph's leeks - THAT'S what was undercooked!

10:45 Braised pistachio excited Ted.

10:46 And then we get to that nasty ice cream. How the hell did bacon ice cream, with bananas and scallops no less, win them over!?!?

Oh my God, I really am getting the vibe that Lisa is going to win.

10:47 Last words?

Steph: typical chicken soup for the soul shit.

Lisa: typical bravado

Rich: the whole dramatic thing they've been building up to all week? "Yeah, I'll admit it - I choked."

All that drama for that? Figures. For being taken: DRINK!

10:48 What's worse for Rich: they agree - he choked. We are definitely having a woman Top Chef.

10:49 Play by play? Oh hell, my fingers hurt. Run down: they liked everybody's, but Rich overthought his stuff, while Lisa and Steph turned in some fascinating stuff.

10:50 Zoning - Just thought of TNFNC4's Lisa's Three C's. DRINK!

10:51 Whose was the best meal? Based on the preference tonight? They're discussing into the wee hours of the morning here. Dang.

The consensus among the chefs at least - okay, among Lisa - is that Steph nailed the odd numbered courses, and Lisa nailed the even numbered ones.

10:55 Okay, that ad made me never want to buy a Verizon cell phone.

10:56 NOOOOOOOO!

10:57 Whoa. America really doesn't want Lisa to win.

I think it'll be Steph, with Lisa then Rich as runners-up. In that order.

10:58 And the winner is...

Stephanie!

Rich looks disappointed, Lisa does not look pissed. Mournful comments abound.

10:59 Rich: "It's a disappointment to almost be there." Yeah, but at least you got to the finale. Hell, he's still going to go far here!

TC4 WRAP UP - So as so many predicted, Stephanie Izard is the first woman to claim the mantle of Top Chef. A fascinating episode. Not dry at all I don't think, though it did get a little serious and long in the tooth in some places. I'd say I'm satisfied with the ending. I was wrong about Lisa and Rich - he really choked, while the judges were (dang!) very pleased with Lisa's selections. But in the end, Stephanie pulled it out, ricotta poundcake be damned. Thoughts? While you ponder, I'm off to the next live blog: The Next Food Network Star on Sunday at 10!