Top Chef: Vega$!!! Drinking Game Rules

As y'all have seen by now, I am not bothering to live blog Top Chef: Las Vegas as I did with TNFNS5. I'm just not "feelin'" this season, man. And yet, I watch. Perhaps I will live-blog it at some point before the series is over, but for now I'm merely content with watching the show and making the occasional bitchy comment.

Still, I would be remiss to not provide past fans of the live blog format with my favorite way to occupy myself during the hour to 75 minutes that Top Chef is on: the drinking game! So as I nurse my Lancaster Brewing Company Milk Stout tonight, I'll be playing along like so. Feel free to play along. Please don't drive while playing this drinking game. Thank you.

DRINK ONCE:
* whenever any judge or other person makes a face while eating
* whenever your home state or hometown is mentioned during those cheftestant interview spots (applies only to people who come from the same states as these goofballs on this show - anybody from Frederick or Baltimore, y'all have been warned)
* whenever any cheftestant is shirtless (men) or otherwise scantily clad from the waist up (women)
* whenever any overweight contestant calls himself or herself "fat" in some way, shape or form
* whenever Hector says something sexist or looks particularly Klingon-ish
* whenever any cheftestant gets wistful about his or her spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / family / kids / cat or dog / hometown / home state / home region / etc.

DRINK TWICE:
* whenever Mike I. acts particularly douchebaggy (yes I know you could get drunk fast with that one)
* whenever any cheftestant throws a fit or does something "dumb" in the kitchen
* whenever Mike and Bryan (the brothers) fight or act lovey-dovey in that brotherly way
* whenever Toby Young acts like an ass (will go into effect if and when Toby Young is brought back onto the show)
* whenever the Voltaggio brothers both end up in the top or bottom
* whenever anyone whines about having to do a pastry challenge, because "I don't do pastry, asshole!"
* whenever the judges do something gimmicky because it's "VEGA$!" (that $15,000 for example)
* whenever anyone - anyone - gets weepy or sappy, for any reason.

DRINK THRICE (?):
* whenever someone refers to himself or herself as a "bitch" in any capacity
* whenever each Voltaggio brother wins one of the night's challenges (say, Mike wins the quickfire and Bryan wins the elim)
* if anyone gets pants'd

DOWN THAT GLASS (OR TAKE 5 SWIGS FROM THAT BOTTLE):
* if and when anyone hooks up and makes out

Nope, didn't bother to watch Top Chef last night

So I had to find out that Mike from Frederick/Los Angeles won again, and that Preeti got kicked out. Apparently, via All Top Chef, the spirit of cooperation was actually there last night. Too bad I missed it, but it isn't as if Bravo won't show it another twenty-three times between now and next Wednesday.

Oooh, Project Runway is on tonight!

Top Chef has jumped the shark, dammit.

I'm not live-blogging Top Chef: Las Vegas right now. I'm watching it and I'm just thinking "Eh." I'm scratching my head and thinking "WTF about that craps table?" How is that related to cooking? Okay, I get that they had to use the number they rolled to determine the number of ingredients they had to use. I love this quickfire challenge idea of making small plates with a specific number of ingredients. Now that I understand what they were doing, I'm begrudgingly okay with it. But it speaks to the overall gimmickiness of TC:LV. The show is kind of, well, boring this season.

Anything interesting about this ep and I'll Tweet about it or just update this post.

UDPATE: Thoughts while watching this episode:

1. I agree w/ Ash & Preeti: It is a nice little slap in the face to have to cook for a bachelor party when you are not allowed to marry in most of this country anyway.

2. The Voltaggio brothers are just gettin' sexier by the minute.

3. Doesn't Hector remind you of your friendly neighborhood Klingon?

Hector

Klingon Ambassador

4. I hope no Marylander winds up in the bottom this time.

5. I really should try Basque food some time.

6. Jen looks kind of high. Not saying it to be mean. It's just an observation.

7. I should make a drinking game for Top Chef even if I don't live blog it.

8. Mattin should be required to cook without a shirt on.

9. Mike I. is extremely odd. Has anyone made up a stupid name for him yet?

10. Darn, a Marylander wound up in the bottom. But at least two of them wound up in the top.

Post #1,111: Some observations about Top Chef: Las Vegas

Yes, this is my 1,111th post! Not as big as #666, #777 or #1,000, but it's an interesting enough milestone. And here I am wasting it on some observations I have about the series premiere of Top Chef Season 6, in Vega$!

1a. Number of chefs participating in Baltimore Restaurant Week: 1 (Jessie - doesn't she just look like she would know Duff Goldman?)

1b. Number of chefs who live and work, like, on the Chesapeake Bay and yet has never worked with shrimp (okay, prawns): 1 (again, Jessie)

1c. Number of Murliners: 3 (Jessie again, and brothers Bryan and Michael)

1d. Also from the MD-DC-VA area: the other Mike, from DC's Zaytinya.

2. Other locales well-represented: Seattle (2 chefs), Atlanta (3 chefs)

3. Hotties: Well, they keep putting Bryan and his brother Michael on screen over and over again. And NYC's Ash and Franco-Friscan Mattin (pron. "Mat-TEEN") are kind of cute. As for the women, expect to see a lot more of Ashley and the two Jennifers. No, the rest of the cast is definitely NOT unattractive, but these folks just jump out at me as the ones that'll make the guys and gals go gaga. Now can they cook?

4. Number of obligatory members of the LGBT community: definitely one (Ashe), maybe two (Preeti???) or three (Mattin?????)

5. Number of people cooking at the "molecular level": none so far (thank God)

6. Number of stupid new ideas, because it's like, you know, Vega$: two - that "gold chip for immunity" bullshit and that "This chip is worth $15,000!!!" thing.

7. Best looking dishes this show: the shrimp and grits and that donut thing.

8. Was the relay stupid? No, though Preeti shoulda spoken up before she belabored over those clams.

9. Most irritating thus far: Mike I. and that guy with the sideburns Eli.

10. Okay, how many of these people have tattoos? Just an observation, that's all.