Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Top Chef: Vega$!!! Drinking Game Rules

As y'all have seen by now, I am not bothering to live blog Top Chef: Las Vegas as I did with TNFNS5. I'm just not "feelin'" this season, man. And yet, I watch. Perhaps I will live-blog it at some point before the series is over, but for now I'm merely content with watching the show and making the occasional bitchy comment.

Still, I would be remiss to not provide past fans of the live blog format with my favorite way to occupy myself during the hour to 75 minutes that Top Chef is on: the drinking game! So as I nurse my Lancaster Brewing Company Milk Stout tonight, I'll be playing along like so. Feel free to play along. Please don't drive while playing this drinking game. Thank you.

* whenever any judge or other person makes a face while eating
* whenever your home state or hometown is mentioned during those cheftestant interview spots (applies only to people who come from the same states as these goofballs on this show - anybody from Frederick or Baltimore, y'all have been warned)
* whenever any cheftestant is shirtless (men) or otherwise scantily clad from the waist up (women)
* whenever any overweight contestant calls himself or herself "fat" in some way, shape or form
* whenever Hector says something sexist or looks particularly Klingon-ish
* whenever any cheftestant gets wistful about his or her spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / family / kids / cat or dog / hometown / home state / home region / etc.

* whenever Mike I. acts particularly douchebaggy (yes I know you could get drunk fast with that one)
* whenever any cheftestant throws a fit or does something "dumb" in the kitchen
* whenever Mike and Bryan (the brothers) fight or act lovey-dovey in that brotherly way
* whenever Toby Young acts like an ass (will go into effect if and when Toby Young is brought back onto the show)
* whenever the Voltaggio brothers both end up in the top or bottom
* whenever anyone whines about having to do a pastry challenge, because "I don't do pastry, asshole!"
* whenever the judges do something gimmicky because it's "VEGA$!" (that $15,000 for example)
* whenever anyone - anyone - gets weepy or sappy, for any reason.

* whenever someone refers to himself or herself as a "bitch" in any capacity
* whenever each Voltaggio brother wins one of the night's challenges (say, Mike wins the quickfire and Bryan wins the elim)
* if anyone gets pants'd

* if and when anyone hooks up and makes out