Top Chef: Vega$!!! Drinking Game Rules

As y'all have seen by now, I am not bothering to live blog Top Chef: Las Vegas as I did with TNFNS5. I'm just not "feelin'" this season, man. And yet, I watch. Perhaps I will live-blog it at some point before the series is over, but for now I'm merely content with watching the show and making the occasional bitchy comment.

Still, I would be remiss to not provide past fans of the live blog format with my favorite way to occupy myself during the hour to 75 minutes that Top Chef is on: the drinking game! So as I nurse my Lancaster Brewing Company Milk Stout tonight, I'll be playing along like so. Feel free to play along. Please don't drive while playing this drinking game. Thank you.

DRINK ONCE:
* whenever any judge or other person makes a face while eating
* whenever your home state or hometown is mentioned during those cheftestant interview spots (applies only to people who come from the same states as these goofballs on this show - anybody from Frederick or Baltimore, y'all have been warned)
* whenever any cheftestant is shirtless (men) or otherwise scantily clad from the waist up (women)
* whenever any overweight contestant calls himself or herself "fat" in some way, shape or form
* whenever Hector says something sexist or looks particularly Klingon-ish
* whenever any cheftestant gets wistful about his or her spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / family / kids / cat or dog / hometown / home state / home region / etc.

DRINK TWICE:
* whenever Mike I. acts particularly douchebaggy (yes I know you could get drunk fast with that one)
* whenever any cheftestant throws a fit or does something "dumb" in the kitchen
* whenever Mike and Bryan (the brothers) fight or act lovey-dovey in that brotherly way
* whenever Toby Young acts like an ass (will go into effect if and when Toby Young is brought back onto the show)
* whenever the Voltaggio brothers both end up in the top or bottom
* whenever anyone whines about having to do a pastry challenge, because "I don't do pastry, asshole!"
* whenever the judges do something gimmicky because it's "VEGA$!" (that $15,000 for example)
* whenever anyone - anyone - gets weepy or sappy, for any reason.

DRINK THRICE (?):
* whenever someone refers to himself or herself as a "bitch" in any capacity
* whenever each Voltaggio brother wins one of the night's challenges (say, Mike wins the quickfire and Bryan wins the elim)
* if anyone gets pants'd

DOWN THAT GLASS (OR TAKE 5 SWIGS FROM THAT BOTTLE):
* if and when anyone hooks up and makes out

Presidential Debate Drinking Game!!!

I wish I had posted this before.

I try to stay fiercely apolitical, so as to appeal to readers of all political persuasions. That said, I think a drinking game is the perfect way to get through the last of the four presidential debates at New York's Hofstra University next Wednesday night at 9 PM Eastern time. The first three were pretty interesting, believe it or not.

This drinking game, from the DavetheNovelist blog, is pretty involved, but can be pared down as you see fit. Here are the initial rules for Dave's game (here are the best ones from that part of the list; click here for the entire thing):

TAKE A SHOT:

-When the buzzwords “change” or “maverick” or “hope” are used

-Whenever either one says “fundamental” or “fundamental difference” – added by popular demand through my highly scientific comment form on 10/7/08

-When McCain stammers and looks like he might have a heart attack

-When McCain refers to the moderator as “my friend” or the audience as “my friends”

-When Obama somehow works in his personal story of being raised by a single mom and his grandparents

-When Obama makes a smirk, shakes his head, and says, “Look…” as a preface to a statement or follow-up — amended by popular demand to “Look” on 10/8/08

-When Obama says “John McCain is right on this, but…” — added through high-end analysis of reader feedback on 10/8/08

-When either one lays claims to being “bipartisan” or working “across the aisle”

-Finish whatever you are drinking if McCain loses his temper!

This one is at Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 website is a bit more streamlined, for the lazy debate viewer. Karen Lurie, Eric March and Dustin Chinn suggest a shot of Everclear when stuff like this happens, along with the following actions (again, some of the best ones):

* Everytime a candidate mentions September 11th, prank-call Rudy Giuliani.

* Every time a candidate says "folks," threaten to foreclose on an Iowa farm unless the farmer's daughter "cooperates."

* Every time Barack Obama mentions his tax cuts for the middle class, gift-wrap a box of poo for your rich uncle.

* Every time McCain says "friends," call Lindsey Graham and say "I think he's talking about you!"

* Every time Obama pauses before the predicate of a sentence, go watch Star Trek: The Original Series to see how a pro does it.

* Every time McCain mentions "the Surge," drink a Red Bull. Every time he mentions "Red Bull," drink a Surge.

* Every time McCain refers to his running mate, stand up, face Russia and finish whatever bottle is in front of you.

I watched the last two with friends. Alan and I kind of got on Eric's nerves during the Veep debates, since he wanted to hear what they had to say. I have to tone down my propensity to channel the Satellite of Love.

Both of these drinking games were written before debate #1 in Mississippi. Now that we're through two more, I wanted to try my hand at a few more, but the ones above are pretty adequate )especially the DavetheNovelist one - those Comedy Central people don't realize how nasty that Red Bull stuff tastes). But as for y'all, are there any suggestions for your own debate drinking game?