Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sabbatical Flashback 5: Sandra Lee Halloween-a-Go-Go

One of my favorite sports on TBS is making fun of Sandra Lee. Girl is nuts. I think I've linked to her now infamous Kwanzaa Cake video at least three times - no wait, four:

And you should see her meatloaf. It'll turn you vegan right quick.

A really special time of year for Aunt Sandy is Halloween. My first post about her strange Halloween specials was crawling with chocolate scarabs with pretzel legs and eyeball meatballs with olive irises. One can only imagine the "tablescape". Though her next Halloween menu was more, shall we say, staid, her show was a royal pain in the Cocktail Time.

This woman should not be on television. Really. At least not cooking anyway.

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Semi-Homemade Halloween Craziness 2008

(originally posted Monday, October 27, 2008)

It's Halloween, and that means Sandra Lee is on the Food Network wearing silly costumes again! Yes lords and ladies, the queenie of the 'tini is in fine fettle, this time dressing up as our favorite queens from Western European history. Actually, I was a little disappointed this year, since she wasn't as silly as the last few years. Anyone remember this?

I also have to admit: her food wasn't that goofy this year, either. No more chocolate blobs shaped like "scarabs" with pretzel "legs" sticking out from all sides. In fact, I dare say it looked edible.

But it was still pretty goofy. Forsooth:

You're wearing that? To cook!?!?

Sandr... er, Anne Boleyn, is making fried apple and ham balls. Hey, didn't the royal family have somebody do that for them? It seems highly improper for a queen to be caught flitting around with the kitchen wenches! She must have lost her head or something.

Beheaded at such a young age - just for pilfering Henry VIII's apple-ham balls. What a pity.

It's Ren-Fest Sandra Lee! Here Our Grace giveth a nod to Vlad Tepes with her steaks on a stick. Medoubts that Guinevere would have ever seeneth a canteloupe 'afore. Especially one with a ramekin jamméd into it.

Oh Annie, Dreamboat Annie! Little shipofdreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeams!

Doesn't advertizing your Christmas album on basic cable usually mean the successful part of your singing career is over? Just sayin'...

Next in her "Beheaded Queens of Europe" collection: teen queen Marie Antoinette. Yes, she made the "Let them eat pumpkin brioche trifle" joke. Hah hah. 'Tis to laugh.

Actually, it doesn't look that good.

Seriously though, when she said she was coming out as one of the most fabulous queens of all, I really was picturing something more along these lines:

Work it, girl.

Nyah nyahnee boo boo, it's my-y killer rose-tini, and you di'in't get none.

Really, steak on a stick impaled in half a canteloupe doesn't look any less ugly when it's nestled amidst the ultimate "Regal Tablescape"

Oh, My. God.

Gee, skulls and crossbones always make me think of Queen Elizabeth I!

This has been another ripping installment of the "Sandra Lee Makes a Fool Out of Herself for Halloween by Dressing Up and Cooking in Silly Costumes" show. Stay tuned for 2009, when she comes out dressed like a banana!

Or like this:

Work it!