Last year was, to the best of my knowledge, the date of Sandra Lee's most recent Halloween special. We all know how she loves to dress up in ridiculous costumes and make her, ahem, food and cocktails for her dozens of adoring fans. I missed this Halloween special - and this one was a whole hour long, doubling our pleasure and doubling our fun! I did catch the 3 1/2 minute compressed version one person posted on Youtube (since pulled down), though I've made my own photographic compilations of her previous Halloween specials before (favorite one here).
Um, Ms. Lee, you do know this is a Halloween special, right? Right?
And guess who's hiding inside this adorable little checkerboard-colored gingerbread house? That's right: AUNT SANDY CLAUS!
"I love Halloween because it reminds me of Christmas. Anyone for some wassail? >>HIC<<"
"Now for my Christmastime-at-Halloween segment, I'm making soft, crunchy Rice Krispie pops, dripping with white chocolate!"
(Where are Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer with their Delicious Dish shtick when you need 'em? Oh wells, guess I'll just have to fill in for 'em. Ahem.)
"Mmmm, look at all those gorgeous, sticky balls? I just can't wait to get my hands on 'em."
"Don't worry, a little poking never really hurts your balls."
"God, I just love dripping, wet balls in my mouth."
(So do I, folks. So do I.)
"And you know, you don't have to just leave your drippy balls alone. Play around with them a bit."
Once more we descend into the deepest tablescape-y depths of the Sandyverse. Or maybe this is some sort of meditation thing?
Nope, she's probably just buzzed.
What. The. Hell?
Hasenpfeffer? **EXASPERATED SIGH** When will you people learn? Sandy doesn't gut her own food!
"I've been considering F-words, you know." (She actually said this) Would it be too easy to list a few I thought of myself while watching this special?
"No more cocktail? WAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Yes, another fun-filled, embarrassing Halloween special from Aunt Sandy. Now where is my book of hangover cures? Ah, fuck it. Let's just watch Cher again.
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