Top Chef 4:The Elements (Live-Blogging)

Here I am, about to do this "live blog" thing for the new ep of Top Chef 4: Chicago. This week our absurdly arrogant contestants meet up with the one and only Ming Tsai himself, as they cater an event for many, many people. Who gets kicked out? How the hell should I know? We'll just have to find out.

I will be constantly updating this page, just in case you need to know that sort of thing. The entries will be posted in chronological order - in other words, what happens first will be at the top. Helps avoid spoilers, and it looks less odd.

10:01 Bye Manuel. Damn shame you're going.

10:02 Oh Ryan's so cute when he's deluded.

10:04 Testing their palates? Hey, didn't they do this in TC1? Oh wait. They do this every season. Can't wait to see what they taste (heheheheh)

Ooooh, this is an evil challenge. They aren't getting weird stuff this time. This time they get high quality vs low grade stuff. Food Lion-brand "syrup flavored product" anyone?

10:06 I guess it never dawned on me that there was low and high grade pork. I'm sad.

10:08 Ryan, Jenn and Antonia know their palates! Steph? Ahem...

10:09 Awesome! They're catering for a celebrity dinner in support of Meals on Wheels Chicago
And their dishes? Based on "Earth, Wind and Fire". Er, and "Water".

HAH! 15 minutes to develop y'all's menus!

10:11 Okay. Drinking game: every time Andrew whines or bitches about something take a shot.

Deviled eggs? For fire? Chrissakes, Dale. Something with flames for cornsake.

10:13 And we're at commercial. So some interesting ideas for their elemental dishes. The fish one on the water team is a no-brainer I guess, but it still sounds like a pretty good idea to me. This is harder than it looks. I missed about half of the teams' ideas. But deviled eggs are still a stupid idea.

10:16 So the Water Babes are going to poach salmon in a "controlled water bath". The Airheads are doing duck (yummm). It looks like the Flamers have given up on the deviled eggs and are (pardon the pun) going to get burned. Don't tell me y'all weren't thinking that.

10:17 Drink each time Spike says something stupid or "prickish"!

10:18 So the Fire Folks finally settle for... what? What the hell? They left me hangin'!

10:20 Mark's gonna have a chef-gasm. The kitchen is bigger than anything he's ever seen. It's even bigger than New Zealand!

So Team Earth is doing mushrooms and sunchokes with thinly sliced beef. It sounds good to me.

10:21 Parsnip vanilla purée? Faux-tapioca caviar? Poached salmon? Dude, you forgot the chocolate.

10:22 Prawns and bacon. Team Fire settled on shrimp and pig. With a gooey miso flavor. How is this fire-related again?

10:23 It's because she doesn't like you, Lisa. She's getting on Dale's nerves too it seems.

10:24 Ryan "seems to be getting a little frazzled". Ryan? Frazzled? Noooo.

Uh-oh. Tom is here.

10:25 Initial impressions: Team Earth isn't unimpressive so far. Water Boys? I love the look on Tom's face. Kind of a bemused Tim Gunn "I'm not wowed" sort of look. Also worried about the Airheads.

Ah, the Fireteam is making it hot. So that's how it's "fire-y".

10:29 I don't care what anybody says. That Real Housewives of New York looks stupid.

10:31 Water Boys are running behind. Tom did say they were being cocky. Tangential note: I could go for some nice salmon sashimi right about now.

10:32 And the Server-voir Dogs are in da house.

10:33 And here's what's getting out there.

Team Water: Poached salmon with faux caviar and watercress salad. The judges liked it until they got the mouth full of scales. Oooooh.

10:34 Grilled shrimp, pickled chili salad, and something with bacon. For a totally flaky team the crowd is impressed! Sure, it's fucking hot but they're happy with it.

Duck breast, pomegranite prosecco apéritif with irritating, unrendered fat. NOt fans.

10:35 Beef carpaccio with mushroom salad. Bland despite the rosemary. Ooohoohoo, I love to hear Tom bitch about what he's eating. Earth-Firsters did not please.

10:36 So I guess there's something to be said for getting your act together at the verylastmillisecond after all. Yes Lisa. Be proud. As for Rich, at least he's not blaming everybody else for his team's screw-up.

10:38 Who should be "spanked" for being difficult: Dale, Antonia or Lisa? Change that to "smacked upside the head for being irritating" and my vote's for Zoi!!!!! Change that - Andrew. No, Spike. Damn, so many to choose from! Can I smack them all?

10:42 It's official: Team Fire is f-f-f-flamin'! Talk about a 180° turn-around! AND - Lisa is goin' to Italy. Now Dale is "bitter". Rawrrrr.

10:45 So Earth and Water is are in the bottom. Water is drowning at the deep end because of all those scales. Lots and lots of scales. Padma and Tom are not big fans of seaweed and salmon, and the caviar, though interesting, was odd. What did Mark do again? Parsnip, right. The judges are roundly befuddled.

10:47 And they now question Antonia's palate. Zoi did the salad, Spike the beef, and Antonia, she-who-is-immune, did the prep. The judges' problem? Blandness, apart from that misplaced rosemary.

And now Spike starts throwin' his mates under the bus. DRINK!

10:48 Hey, new Bravo Show, Make Me a Soup. Thanks, Ming!

And now Team Earth starts flingin' the mud.

10:50 So salmon or beef? Rich liked the texture, the others did not. But everyone hated the beef. Oooh, look at the judges - they want to kick Spike AND Zoi out. Oh please, please, pleeeeease!

10:55 Isn't that Canadian guy on Step It Up & Dance just adorable? Seriously. (UPDATE: His name is Cody, and he's from Surrey, British Columbia. I'm just sad.)

10:56 So who gets kicked out? Drumroll... Earth sucks the worst.

And Zoi is out! (No shit.) Again, Spike is in the bottom and again he weasels his way into another week.

10:58 Okay, so why did Dale storm out again? Uh-oh, Spike and Antonia are mudslinging at each other. Stupid thing Spike says - screw it, just drink the whole damn bottle.

10:59 Whoa where did this come from? Dale and Lisa won, so what the hell is this?

11:00 And they're tailgating next week. But what's this with the boys in the bath?

Final thoughts about this episode - Well, this has to be the most dramatic episode I have seen of this show. And that includes the string of "Let's-gang-up-on-Marcel" episodes from TC2 (Yes the boy was annoying, but come on, he's not Hitler. I felt sorry for the kid.). I was totally confident that someone from Team Fire would be kicked out, until I saw them pull it out of, well, the fire and get their act together. Can't say I'm sorry to see Zoi go, but I do agree: once again, it should've been Spike. Y'all can tell I don't like the boy very much. Oh well. Let's see about next week! I doubt I'll do this next week, but who knows? It does keep you on your toes, that's for damn sure.