Sunday, February 08, 2009

Will Work for Food: Some Observations

Adam Gertler is the first loser on The Next Food Network Chef to still wind up with his own Food Network show. I knew his hairy little butt would wind up in front of the Food Network cameras someday. Right now I'm sitting here, waiting for delicious deluxe white bread to bake in my bread maker, while I watch Adam live the life of a foodie from the 1830's.

  • He cannot be that dumb that he doesn't know you don't tell the cow to milk.
  • He looks ridiculous. But this isn't the style today anyway.
  • So skim milk went to the pigs on the typical New England farm in the 1830's? Interesting.
  • Watch as Adam churns butter!
  • Must suck to be that chicken. Again, PETA will not be amused.
  • Wow - the feathers just magically come off.
  • Another interesting fact: Chicken dinners today? A few times a week. Chicken dinners in the 1830's? A few times a year.
  • He knows nothing about removing innards. Adam would make one crappy zombie.
  • Spit take! It's rotisserie chicken, 1830's style.
  • Aha, so make the employees eat unpasteurized meat and butter with their knives. Does their union know about this?
  • Hey, um, didn't Leesa on TNFNS4 have to do that wine angel thing near the finale? Now Adam gets to be the first male wine angel. Talk about a glass escalator!
  • I like heights - so long as I know I won't fall...
  • Hey, um, he's kinda hot in that wine angel outfit.
  • An unstable red? Dunno. But if anyone knows unstable, it's Adam. HI-HO!
  • So, if you drop the $10,000 bottle of wine from the third story of that mammoth wine rack, does it come out of your pay?
  • Find the correct bottle in three minutes or less for every person who orders wine? Suddenly, telling a cow to milk itself doesn't sound like such a bad job.
  • Wouldn't it suck if the power went out?
  • Okay - 1-3-5-740, 1-3-5-740, 1-3-5-740...
  • Adam, you so crazy!
  • I just realized I haven't seen any ugly stereotypes in this show. So it mustn't be a Gordon Elliott production. Of course, are there really any ugly stereotypes of "wine angels" or "New England farmers of the 1830's?" How about ugly stereotypes of goofballs?
  • He is not drinking 140-year old wine. He's silly.
Coming up next... Ace of Cakes - Duff does a tiki cake. Mary Alice dishes the dirt on the Duffman's "selective memory." Johnny Dollar? I hope you're watching...