Sunday, February 01, 2009

Super Bowl Top Chef- in Haiku Format (Live-Blogging Commences Wednesday)

Aw hell, who cares this week? I don't even understand why Baltimoreans give a damn about the Super Bowl, since we got soclose to actually being there. I'm not watching.

I also now have my reception up and running, but most people who care already know what happened this week on Top Chef, and hardly anyone will be watching a repeat on Super Bowl Sunday. So just a few things that jumped out at me while I saw this repeat on Sunday morning.

In haiku format:

Cheftestants use oats
Mixed with some ingredients
Eur'-douche wins again.

Past competitors
Come back to fight these yahoos
Chefs choose a home team.

Each cheftestant must
Pick one past chef and a team
For a head-to-head.

Stef picks Andrea,
Veggie chef from TC1,
for an easy win.

And guess who brought back
His culinary boner?
Jeez, Andrew, shut up!

Oh yay. Spike's back, too.
OK, Spike, please be an ass
to the bald Finn chef?

Oh, that's kinda odd -
Leah's and Hosea's mouths
Aren't attached for once.

Has someone explained
US football to Toby?
Wait - The Soup is on!

Leah beats Nikki
The flake girl from last season.
But the Brit loves Nik.

Round 2: It's Miguel
From way back in TC1.
Ho's fish gets touchdown.

Wow, she's confident.
Carla's Southern gumbo wins
For her a touchdown.

Andrew's gonna kill someone.

Hey, was that the twink
Who went home in Episode
1? Hey, it's Patrick!

And now this will be
Painful to watch. But at least
Andrea's joyful.

Wait - Andrea won?
Damn, Stefan lost to the chef
Who got sent home twice!

Heheheheh, that would've been fun to live-blog about.

Jamie's cioppino
Goes up with a crab and yam
Thing - wait, who's Camille?

Another toss-up.
Most like Jamie's dish - But I

Ceviche battle -
Jeff and Josie - who won it.
Warm ceviche? Ick.

And the final round:
Fabio's edges Spike's barely.
Jill, why no purple?

Wow, it's fun to see
Egos gettin' popped today!
Stef, Jeff, Fabio.

At Judges' Table:
Carla's grits have brought "the love"
Ho's was quite unique.

Jamie's sourdough
Really won the judges' hearts,
Minds and stomachs, too.

But Carla has won
Over Leah, Jamie, Ho's
Super Bowl tickets!

Her eyes are gonna pop outta her head now.

And it's Stefan's first
Trip to the loser's table.
Hey - he's a "virgin"!

Fab's just didn't work -
Wilted greens on venison.
Dish just did not work

Uninspired - they know
He chose Andrea's for ea-
Sy win. That backfired.

Jeff's dish - ceviche
Just turned into a poached shrimp.
That ain't ceviche.

If I had to choose -
Stefan ain't goin' nowhere.
He's just too damn good.

No, it's surfer boy
Vs. the EE-tal-ee-an.
Who's gone? Fabio.

Oops, look like I'm wrong.
My first choice was surfer boy.
Dude, Jeff's going home.


Jeffrey's problem: the
Guy just can't keep it simple.
Just keep surfin', dude.


theminx said...


Why does nobody remember Camille? Or is everyone faking that?

Nanc Twop said...

Welcome back!

Loved this:

But Carla has won
Over Leah, Jamie, Ho's


Great read!

John said...

I just have no clue. But I swear - I cannot recall her at all. What season was she?

Maybe every live blog should be in haiku format. Or at least limericks.