Top Chef 5 Late-Blogging: Restaurant Wars (or, So what's the point of live-blogging a repeat?)

I've gotten away from the cable-less-ness of home and am at the parents' house, getting ready to watch Top Chef 5's repeat of "Restaurant Wars." No beer, no up-to-the-minute updates. Just occasional observations, which may be interrupted by a spate or two of laundry.

Note: I have deliberately avoided reading summaries of this episode by others, such as Minx and Nanc Twop and, well, Bravo's website, so that I could be surprised. So if so-and-so got his or her butt kicked out, I'm blissfully unaware.

1:05 Jeff: you could sell me your body, for one. WOOF

1:07 I missed Stefan's restaurant concept. Was it Scandinavian prick?

Nope - it's Euro-American douche.

1:09 Fabio and Jeff are at the bottom (popping young Jeff's ego), while Radhika's and Leah's are the top! Funny - I wouldn't have thought of covering tempura in a wet sauce.

1:10 Oh, ick, guys, get a room already!

1:12 Mmmm, these six-minute-in-the-microwave Chow Mein containers are filling.

1:14 Anyone care to bet that Stefan is the last one chosen? Oops, I was right.

1:15 An added advantage of giving your restaurant a Sanskrit name: it sounds both cool and pretentious to anyone who knows nothing about Sanskrit. Ooooh, I didn't say it was pretentious - just that it sounds pretentious to those who like pretentious-sounding restaurants.

1:17 Again ICK!!!!!1!11!!!

1:18 Shirtless Fabio - DRINK! And correction, Hosea: you had a girlfriend. Yeah, they're not romantically involved. I've had "friends" with whom I've been so "not romantically involved" too.

1:20 It's Sahana vs the Sunset Lounge! Why does this sound like professional wrestling to me?

1:21 It looks like pan-West and South Asian vs pan-East Asian/Pacific Islands.

Oh, BTW: DRINK TWICE every time Hosea and Leah's "no-mance" is shoved down our throats. And if we can hear actual sloppy wet kissing, DRAIN THE GLASS!

1:27 It'd be even cooler if she said "Welcome to Sahana" in Sanskrit. Or barring that, Hindi. Oh, and the restaurants are set up at New York's Bridgewaters Restaurant.

1:28 God, waiters are so stupid! Whine whine whine. DRINK - just cuz Jamie is acting like a douche this time.

1:29 The soup sounds good, and the judges liked Sahana's appetizer, too. Less thrilling are the couscous and the fish. The dessert even less so.

1:32 Ouch - it tastes like lotion!? DRINK!

1:33 Sunset Lounge Time! Sunset Lounge Time!

Gratuitous "I'm Italian!" reference - DRINK!

1:34 That was the strangest look of non-displeasure I've ever seen on Tom's face. "I've had frozen eggrolls that taste better" doesn't sound very positive, though.

1:35 Not bad isn't exactly what Leah wants to hear, I guess. Kissy kissy sounds, now that's what she wants to hear!

1:36 They loved the ribs, but haaaaaaated the undercooked fish under a bed of mouthwatering salty salt doused in salt.

1:37 How'z about the desserts? They're better than the meal, and better than Sahana's.

1:38 Ooooh, look what I found on Wikipedia: this could be what they put on Sahana's sign: सहाना, or "sahānā" (only visible if your browser is Hindi-script enabled).

1:39 And everyone seems to have sucked all-around.

So Team SL may win because of Stefan's dessert and Fabio's charm? This despite Team सहाना's less awful food.

1:40 Again people: DON'T BELIEVE THE CORN LOBBY'S LIES ABOUT HOW HEALTHY CORN SYRUP IS!!! IT'S A BIG, BIG FIB! (Again, thanks, Leslie, for offering me that info on high fructose corn syrup a while back - I really need to take you up on seeing it.)

1:43 Break-between-commercials - DRAIN THE GLASS!

1:47 DRINK anything but Diet Dr. Pepper, for that shameless-but-well-placed plug.

1:48 I'm guessing that Team Sunset Lounge won by a nose.

BUT: Leah, you and your cod suck.

And Stefan continues to annoy the home audience by making wonderful food while being a prick.

1:49 Y'know, the room just lights up when Toby smiles.

1:50 Carla's desserts were the suckiest part of Team सहाना. Radhika takes blame for not helping out in changing the dessert from "melting ice cream" to "yogurt soup" - and she's a pastry chef! Dude! That and she wasn't the most charming of hostesses. I know - she should've done what Fabio had done and told people she was Italian.

1:53 Most of you know this already, but I'm thinking Radhika went home, no?

1:56 I spent 6 and a half years watching Jillian Barberie when I lived in Riverside and Redlands. I had no idea she either married or gained and lost weight since I had moved. Or became a brunette.

1:58 I was right - it's नमस्ते for the head of Team Sahānā. Though Leah shouldn't quit holding her breath: it's Fabio and Stefan that helped the Sunset Lounge win. Since she made the most inedible food of the evening, she should have gone home instead!

1:59 Jeez, past season all-stars are competing against them for, I bet, the quickfire challenge.

POST-WAR ANALYSIS

I don't know quite what to think about Radhika. She seemed to be doing okay so it was probably inevitable that she get kicked out at some point. Though I did like the idea of a South Asian-American Top Chef. Ah, I guess that'll have to wait for the Next Food Network Chef 5. So namaste, Radhika, or as they say in her native Chicago, er, um, "I'm the victim of a plot to raise taxes?"