It's a special Thanksgiving Eve episode of Top Chef 5. And while we're all still mourning the loss of Chef Jill last week here in Charm City, there's still a whole season to get through here.
I see a possible drinking game a brewin'. DRINK!!! whenever
- one of the judges makes a nasty face while eating something
- Stefan is arrogant in his Stefanish way
- any mention of Team Rainbow is made
10:03 Cancer-survivor Grant Achatz is the guest judge. Theme seems to be rolling with the punches. They're pulling knives with... numbers?
10:04 Talk about redux - they have to redo a recipe from the Top Chef Cookbook, of a previous cheftestant from Seasons 1 through 4.
Shameless plug alert: DRINK!!!
10:05 Padma gets mean! Wait - what the hell? They're stopping midstream and making it a soup? Uuuuuummmm, okaaaaay...
Shameless Swanson plug: DRINK!!!
10:07 Half of me hates Padma right now, the other half thinks this is just too damn creative.
10:08 Cathy is chopping onions while we watch this. MacGyver ref makes her start singing MacGRUBER!!!
I wonder if Ariane's will suck.
10:10 Ham and egg soup? My stomach says ick, but not Padma's! And Rich is in trouble.
Jamie has chickpea soup. This sounds delish, especially with the fried shallots. Padma and our guest chef are happy.
10:12 And our quickfire challenge winner is... Leah, for her white asparagus soup. You immune, girl!
Oh wait, the sucky people are just ignored tonight. No fair! Whose did you hate the most? I want answers!
10:15 The elim challenge: make Thanksgiving dinner for some special clients. Hmmm. I wonder who they are? I sure bet it isn't the Foo Fighters!
10:17 The Foos have some very specific tastes, it seems. And our cheftestants won't find out about it until... they see their next concert!!!
Oh wait - only the favorite team gets to see them. The others? They have to clean up. Cue the Nelson HAAA-haaa!
10:18 Heheheh - it's ALL microwave and toaster cooking for this challenge. Now this is funny.
10:20 Why is she annoyed with her team? It's not their fault there are no stoves or refrigerators.
Turkey in a microwave?
10:21 Leah's team calls itself 'Team Sexy Pants". The other is Team Cougar, with their mascot Ariane. It just gets stranger and stranger.
10:22 Lemme guess: Butterball is a sponsor of this episode, isn't it? DRINK!!!
10:28 So the Cougars' eugene build the team a makeshift grill. This looks like a not too typical menu. There are S'mores!
10:28 Vignettes from an outdoor microwave kitchen for an alt-rock band:
* I didn't even catch what Sexy Pants people are doing. Surfer boy Jeff is doing a Pumpkin mousse.
* It's raining now!!! It just keeps getting better. Fabio is flummoxed.
* You can actually say "Goddamn" on basic cable now.
* Carla is feeling some serious anxiety. Rich is doing made-to-order s'mores.
* Why do I get the feeling that the other team (the cougars) are going to win already?
10:30 team Cougar serves up cranberry stuffing, macaroni and 5 cheeses with bacon, roasted turkey (how did they roast it exactly?), maple smoked pork loin over hibachi. They look happy.
10:31 They don't really like the stuffing, though the mac n' cheeses are good. Mashed topatoes are semi-raw - oh snap Dan! - and Eugene's homemade hibachi is good.
Ooooh, Ariane actually pulls it off!
10:33 Next comes Team Hot Pants, with vegan cornbread stuffing, yams n' marshmallows, roasted corn salad, etc. Vegan stuffing: the best of all. The Cougars had the better turkey though. Not so good yams.
10:35 And now cinnamon homey tiramisu, blueberry-peach crisp and cinnamon cream from Fabio and , peach n' cherry cobbler and fruit n' cream. And Richard's banana s'mores with vanilla cream and chocolate ganache.
Who else made what again?
Tiramisu: lovely and creative
Fruit: Padma face - DRINK!!!
S'more: S'more like S'pit
10:38 As far as teams go, neither stood out. Each had a stand out dish or two.
But the winners? Ah, who the hell knows.
10:39 And now a word from the only person in America who is not sponsoring Top Chef 5:
My sister and I literally were doubled over with Andy's breakfast episode.
10:41 And the winners are... Team Sexy Pants!
Poor Cougars have to clean up. The Foos weren't too clean on either dessert, or Dan's dish, but they loved Ariane's turkey so for once, she has no reason to be worried at all.
Look at Padma get her rock on!
10;42 No drama within the team? Surprising actually. But they are pretty pissed that they lost. Rich: "Let's not throw each other under the bus." My sis: "That means they will!"
10:43 Well. The losers just come right in this time. Is Jeff blaming God? Talk about whining.
The team says Jeff was their leader, but they say he was a good leader, so no bus slinging yet.
10:45 Jeff is quelle pissed. Dude. Tom has to remind him that it was close.
Ariane is happy about her turkey being the fave of everyone's.
10:46 So, the judges didn't like the stuffing (Jeff), the potatoes (Dan - Tom's least favorite. OUCH!), the execution of the cobbler (Carla), the pumpkin mousse (again, Jeff), and the s'mores (Richard - not gooey at all). Okay, why was it close again? Ooooh, they hated Richard's vanilla foam.
10:47 I'm thinking Richard is going home, though Tom does not want to let Daniel's potatoes off the hook.
Carla's cobbler - the least offensive of the bad foods.
Jeff's foods - across-the-board, not very good. Plus, he was the chosen de facto leader. Ooooh, maybe it's Jeff.
Richard's s'mores - tasted bad, and conceptually a mess.
10:49 I'm changing my mind. My money's on Jeff surfin' back to Miami tonight. He made two dishes that both displeased the judges, and was the unofficial leader of the group. If not him then Richard, but I'm pretty sure it's Jeff.
10:53 In the latest break between commercials, Daniel singlehandedly shows his true classiness, by calling out the lesbian since it's "that time of the month". Dan, I know a few dykes you should watch out for. And they can all kick your ass, buddy. All of 'em.
10:56 After explaining that Eugene, Alex and Ariane had the best dishes, and that Carla's dessert was the least bad, it's down to the loser boys, Jeff, Rich and Dan. Our money's still on Jeff.
And the cheftestant with the least to be thankful for is...
10:58 Richard!? Cathy literally just said, upstairs, "I did not expect that."
Damn, he's choked up, man.
POST-GAME ANALYSIS -
Bravo is slowly getting rid of my favorite cheftestants, one by one. Last week was Jill. Two weeks ago was Patrick - and no, he wasn't around long enough for him to be a favorite, but he had the potential. This week, the bear gets sent back to the woods. I'm disappointed, especially since Richard had so much less going against him! One problem dish against two problem dishes and being the leader of the losing team. Not hatin' on Jeff, but really, he was the clear choice to go home.
Plus, he was very easy on my eyes. Damn, another handsome gay man is going home tonight. Well, at least Jamie's there to kick Daniel's ass.