Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I should not be allowed into Wegman's, like, ever

I just got my inner geek on with that Doctor Who thing. Now my inner bitch wants some time, too.

Wegman's is wonderful - absolutely wonderful. Except during the week of Thanksgiving. Then it's a zoo. I was reminded of that the hard way when I went there Sunday to buy the last few things I needed for Thanksgiving. Some cilantro here, some oranges there, a bit of lemon juice (Emeril's Funky Turkey again - the family loves it, only I double the recipe and replace Emeril's Essence with Old Bay). And no, I found out there are no Jellybabies at Wegman's (hat tip Meg).

My GOD, those people are so SLOW to move! There seems to be two types of people who go shopping at Wegman's the fourth week of November: the ones who cannot be bothered to move very fast, and the ones who cannot be bothered to move at all. Perhaps many of those in the former category (as I found myself in) would move were it not for those people in the latter category who just stand there deciding whether or not they really need the $4 a pound navel oranges, or the $3.19 a pound navel oranges (really, what's the difference?). JESUS, PEOPLE, MOVE!!!

Coincidentally, this is also why I should not be allowed to drive, as I find myself cutting people off in the aisles at Wegman's, muttering under my breath about how some people don't know that I cannot walk through them! Actually, you would be surprised that I'm not an aggressive driver, despite my six years and seven months in California and my propensity to speed up when those people who race toward the end of merge lanes in order to cut everybody off try to get in front of me. (Only one has gotten over in the last year, ha!, and I've been around the Beltway a lot this year, as you've read.)

Now I am mindful when I'm shopping. I try my best to move my cart and my butt out of everybody's way when I'm shopping. If I have to stop in a high-traffic area, I pull over so others can get by me. I don't just stand there blocking everybody. Just imagine if someone did that on 695. "Uh, dude, stop the car right here in the middle of the lane. I need to look at the map again. Dude, is this Parkville or Pikesville?" AAAAAAAAAARGH! Just f*cking pull over or move, people! Gawd, this isn't rocket science!!!

Shopping really does bring out the worst in me. I guess the recession is good in that it has forced me to limit my supermarket visits to once a week. Otherwise I'd have a stroke right there in the produce section. Really, I need to take up yoga or something.

End of rant :)


Joshua C said...

I just surfed in from Google because of your fried stuffing post from 2007. Today's post is great, you're awesome.

John said...

Thank you, your comment is both poignant and welcome :D

johnny dollar said...

even still, wegmans is the bomb.

Anonymous said...

I'm always surprised by how oblivious people are in grocery store aisles under the best of circumstances. My favorite? The person who stops their cart right next to someone whose cart is stopped in the aisle thereby completely blocking the aisle. Thanksgiving, when the grocery store is packed, is a special kind of hell. I try to stay the heck away.

John said...

J$: Agreed. It's not Wegman's fault, so much as the fault of the holiday, and people's stupidity. Go into any supermarket this week of the year and you'll find the same thing. Love the new profile pic BTW.

Julie: Now why didn't I do that? :)

Kitt said...

Ha! I'm so with you. "Get out of my fucking way, you fucking fuckwits!" Which sounds really good in the car but I have to remember not to say it out loud at the grocery.

Hope your Thanksgiving is tranquil.

John said...

I can't count the number of times I have uttered those exact words in my brain at the grocery store! Or the mall!!!

Pigtown*Design said...

hey... fuckwit is MY word.