So I missed The Next Food Network Star...

Catch the recap that's much funnier than just watching it through the first time.

Photoshopped graphic courtesy of Minxeats, home of the aforementioned recap.

One Night in Raleigh Part 1: Burgers, Beer, Best Western

I (and, thankfully, my car) got back from my mammoth road trip from Georgia yesterday. Mind you, the trip took a detour overnight in Raleigh, a reasonable midpoint between Baltimore and the greater Savannah area. I rolled into North Carolina's capital city on Sunday night - later than I had expected. Things went even later after I checked into my scary-as-hell Motel 6, packed back up five minutes later, and went across the street to the Best Western Raleigh Inn & Suites on New Bern Avenue (plus, I had one of those free coupon books you get at the rest area, lucky me!). Apparently this Best Western used to suck, but I was very satisfied with the room I had, which was very nice - a real bargain with the coupon I got (NB: even if you booked somewhere, ALWAYS PICK UP THOSE COUPON BOOKS!) If ever you are in the Raleigh area, don't go to the Motel 6 on Maitland. The clerk was nice, but that's the only plus. I've never been worried for my safety in a motel before - and that includes some real dives I stayed in Mexico and that horrible hotel in Amsterdam last year. I'll never see those $40 I spent at the Motel 6 again. It was a pricey lesson. Make sure you do research on your lodgings before you book!!!

By the time I got settled in, it was 9:00. Pretty much everything that wasn't fast food was closed except for the Waffle House across the street. So it was settled: quarter pound cheeseburger with hash browned potatoes for dinner!*

This is what I was working through while I was watching Life After People: The Series instead of The Next Food Network Star.

To commemorate the Stonewall Anniversary, I stopped in a small and friendly little gay bar in the downtown area (which like most downtowns in most cities, including our own, was pretty much dead on a Sunday night). Flex, like many Research Triangle gay bars, is technically a "club" but I was able to get in anyway (I doubt they would turn anyone away). All I will say is that people will happily chat with you there (this is more Raleigh's answer to our Phoenix than to our Central Station), one bartender joked with me about how many cards I had in my wallet, and a regular offered me some hummus and pita that he couldn't finish. And yes, they have Fat Tire! But since they ran out, I ordered a Carolina IPA which was nice and hoppy. Oh for future reference: don't follow up a Guinness with a Newcastle, or the latter will taste like feet. I told several people this while I was there, to prevent any future beer mishaps.

Coming up: chocolate, cha chiang noodles, and the dinosaur those museum folks call the "Terror of the South"...

PS - Oh I forgot: after I told the bartender about my Newcastle discovery, a guy from across the room bought me a Magic Hat #9. It went down much better after that Newcastle.

* By the way, here's a creepy statement about the state of the internet today: just on a hunch, I decided to see how many Waffle Houses there are in Maryland (not many). I clicked on their "Advanced Search" link, expecting to see a list of states or a map of the US. It instantly showed me three Waffle Houses in Frederick and one in Dumfries. Okay, so we have Waffle Houses in Maryland - but I didn't tell it my zip code. Big Brother much?

Georgia on My GPS Part 4: On to Raleigh

As you are reading this, I am heading back to Baltimore (I love auto-scheduled publishing). I wanted to go to Atlanta, but I've been hemming and hawing for a while because I wasn't sure I'd have the time or the money, or that my car would be able to take the extra driving (this trip pushed it over the 150K mark). That, and Atlanta is too fabulous a city to devote just one quickfire night to exploring - and I'd rather have seen it on a Friday or Saturday night when more bars are actually open!

So Atlanta is off my itinerary for this road trip. But it'll still be there when I get back (since Cathy's moving down here at some point, that isn't too far off), and I can spend a good few days in the ATL. But I've already planned for when I do get back. I asked Leslie at the Southern Social blog what is best to eat in Atlanta (thanks, Leslie). She quickly recommended a favorite Chinese restaurant off of Buford Hwy., Chef Liu. From the photos I've seen, this place looks like a dive from the outside (as many good places do), but serves delicious authentic Chinese - think more Mandarin Pork Cakes and Soup Filled Dumplings, and less General Tso's Chicken and Crispy Orange Peel Beef. Atlanta's Blissful Glutton blog corroborates Leslie's recommendation, in this post from four years ago. Since this place has been making damn good food for a while, and since it was recommended to me, it'll be the first place I stop when I finally do get to Atlanta.

But alas, I am instead heading back up the 95. I had already planned a stop in Raleigh - ATL trip or not. Raleigh is about a half hour off of I-95, but it's the perfect place to stop for the night since it's about halfway between Savannah and Baltimore. Besides, the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences has this amazing looking exhibition about chocolate that I would be a damn fool to miss.

Note about NFNS5 Live Blogging tonight

Because I don't know what my internet access, Food Network access or nightly activities will be this evening, I cannot promise that I will be live-blogging The Next Food Network Star 5 tonight. Check back around 9. If I'm live-blogging, great! If not, you know why. In that case, just do what I'm gonna do and catch Minx's recap tomorrow.

I still think either Katie or Teddy is doomed, though the way they edited the ad it looks like any of these remaining seven yahoos have a lot to worry about tonight.

Now THIS is just wrong...

A purported Burger King ad made by an ad agency in Singapore is raising people's ire here. It irritates me, too. Or maybe I've just gotten too puritanical lately (which would surprise my friends). But people wondered if it was, in fact, a joke.

The joke?


I'm not sure what icks me out more: the not-so-subtle (the understatement of the year) sexual imagery, or the fact that this thing probably has enough calories to feed a small village for two days.

Georgia on My GPS Part 3: Moon River Brewing Company / Savannah Candy Kitchen

Today we finally got out to Savannah. We weren't there long - we had a late start. My brother-in-law offered to bring me back late but I wasn't sure I'd be up for it.

Still, with this short visit there is much to mention. Too much. It's not a fun city to drive around, that's for sure, especially when you get stuck behind the minivan that's afraid to drive down the bumpy brick-paved River Street anywhere faster than, oh, 2 miles per hour. It is indeed a fun city to walk around, despite the heat and humidity (no, we have no idea what that's like back home). And it's a lovely city to look at - at least the downtown historic area, which is where most tourists end up.

My sister and her husband sprang for dinner and let me choose. I went with the Moon River Brewing Company, Savannah's only microbrewery. It may not be the fastest service, but it had a very impressive sampler of 7 of its microbrews. Most were very good, but I had my favorites: the IPA and the chocolaty stout. My brother-in-law James also got it, and had much the same opinion. They also had one they created for an employee who just got married. He should hope his marriage is not as forgettable as that beer. One particularly unforgettable brew, however, was aged in wine barrels. It tasted and smelled like whiskey, and was about as strong as any beer I have ever drunk.

Microbrews Parts 1...

...and 2

For appetizers, we got a standard quesadilla and some crinkle-cut sweet potato fries. The fries came with a cinnamon-chipotle dipping sauce that was wonderful. I will need to figure out how to make this at home because it went quickly. It was a favorite of the meal.

Sweet Potato Crinkles

For our entrées, we went in different directions. I saw crab cakes on the menu, but I knew these would not be the type I am familiar with. Two tenets of seafood in the Chesapeake are that you never boil anything, and you always put the breading inside the crab cake, not outside. Lowcountry cooking dispenses with that first tenet, though Old Bay is still quite popular throughout the South (Did you know that Old Bay makes a seafood boil bag?). That second tenet is pretty much thrown out the window as soon as you get a reasonable distance away from the Chesapeake Bay, north or south.

These are not in the running for "World's Biggest Crab Cake"

The blue crab cake platter ($17) threw both tenets out the window and into the Savannah River. These three small crab cakes were accompanied by Carolina cole slaw and Lowcountry rice, along with a roasted red pepper salsa. The flavor of the delicious special crab meat (who says you always have to use lump? I don't - not as sweet) was creamier than a typical Maryland crab cake, because - again - the bread was on the outside. The coating, a cornbread-type coating, was firm and flavorful and was a nice addition. Would I take this over a standard crab cake back home? No, of course not. But for what it was, it was still a tasty crab cake. The long grain rice was kind of a dirty rice, and I could eat it all day. Same with the slaw, though I have had as good slaw elsewhere.

On the way out, I stopped in the Savannah Candy Kitchen. Most people will only be able to see it in the Atlanta Hartsfield Airport (the busiest in the world). With four locations in Georgia and South Carolina, it is a damn dangerous place, because you will spend money there. Lots of money, on delicious candy. That goes quintuple for their pralines, freshly made on the premises (Do they do that at the airport? I would suppose not). And yes, they give out free samples. One praline is pretty big, so you will either eat just one for dessert, or break off pieces and eat them here and there (like me). Today they offered a free 1/2 lb of pralines (or 1 lb of taffy) for every 1 lb of pralines bought. So I went in on that deal: 1 lb of regular pralines, plus and extra 1/2 lb of chocolate ones (sssssssiiiiiiinnnnnnnful). Total so far: $17. Then I got an extra 1/2 lb of fudge (also $17 per lb). Grand total: $25. But I don't usually get down here to buy this stuff, so it was excusable.

Free samples!!!

Oh, did I mention that Savannah Candy does mail order?

Epilogue: You may be wondering if I saw Paula Deen's restaurant. Yes, we did drive by it. It was about 4 PM, and there was no line! That was soon explained by the big sign saying "Sorry - We're booked for tonight."

Yup, they're all full up, y'all.

Big shocker there.

In Memory of Our Forequeens

It was 40 years ago this weekend: the Stonewall Riots, one of the first big steps in the gay rights movement in America. Named for the Stonewall Inn in New York City (which I hope to visit next month), at a time when police raided known gay and lesbian establishments to harass the patrons and arrest so-called "perverts." On June 28, 1969, the gay and lesbian patrons had had enough and fought back.

I could continue to drone on about this, but Varla Jean tells it in a much more entertaining way.

Georgia on My GPS Part 2: Snacking around Augusta

I just got back from visiting my cousin's family in Augusta. Mostly it was just going around running errands with his wife and the girls, but I was happy - the important thing is that I got to spend some time with them. Much of what we ate was in house, so not a lot of eating out. But my cousin's wife discovered by accident a very good way of making your pork loin extremely tender (we're talkin' cut-with-a-fork tender): cook on about 250°F for 30 minutes before cooking at normal temperature. I didn't catch the normal temperature (note to self: call or email her and ask her what it was). It was about two pounds, enough to feed five people and then some. That, and her neighbor just dropped by and gave us some homemade manicotti. It was a nice appetizer.

One thing I am kicking myself over not having done was stopping by the various produce stands in Augusta and on the extremely scenic drive back to the Savannah area. One thing that I really wanted to peruse was a stand of fresh strawberries and peaches (they don't call it "the Peach State" for nothin'). Yeah, I know we have fresh produce stands in Maryland, too. But here's the thing: you're going to find what is locally grown. Our peaches probably won't be as good as Georgia's, though you can still find them locally grown in Maryland. The same goes the other way for our blue crabs. What bums me out is that I rarely get the chance to support locally grown produce away from my own home. So before I leave Hinesville (near Fort Stewart, where my brother-in-law is stationed) in a few days, I must root out the local produce. I am determined to bring some locally-grown Georgia peaches home with me (easier since I drove instead of flew).

Oh, in case you decide to make the 3 hour drive between Augusta and Savannah (especially if you have made that drive before), be prepared for the following: Unlike the drive between most of Georgia's major cities, the drive between Augusta and Savannah is not connected by any major interstates. But at least it's mostly 55 mph. To wit, some photos of life along Hwy 196 and US 25:

I got more of those delicious boiled peanuts at the Dixie USA while pumping gas. I'm getting better at eating them while driving, though splitting them with your teeth isn't really the correct way to do it. Oh, don't eat them while driving.

Down a street in Claxton, GA - a thrift store, an income tax preparer, and a Chinese restaurant. Jennifer 8. Lee was right: there are Chinese restaurants everywhere in America!

A kudzu-encoated silo along US 25. Kudzu: the scourge of the South

Along the way, I got to see where golf carts are born.

Um, where am I again?

I didn't get to visit Augusta's Salsa's Bar & Grill, but it is one of many Mexican restaurants in the area. In fact, it was perhaps the most common cuisine I've seen in either Augusta or Hinesville.

Teddy Redeemed?

From the blog Degustation, some insight into the real Chef Teddy Folkman, still of The Next Food Network Star 5. H/T Minx.

Yes, I added a green ribbon

About a week ago I photoshopped my Twitter avatar green. Then I saw "Help Iran Election." Now there's a little green ribbon sitting on top of an already-green picture of steamed blue crabs.

I figured "What the hell? Why not? I'm Irish. I'm used to greenin' it up."

If you are on Twitter and haven't done so already, you can still either add a green ribbon or a greenish hue to your avatar. This is to show solidarity for the very brave Iranian protesters. Go to HelpIranElection.com if interested and able.

Just in case you were wondering...

This important info from our friends at Food Lion.

Georgia on My GPS Part 1: Traffic, Traffic Everywhere!

It's almost 11 PM. When I left Baltimore this morning I had expected to be outside Savannah by now, visiting my sister. Instead I am in a motel room in Manning, South Carolina - $45 after tax, but it has free wireless AND continental breakfast (I'll tell y'all about the breakfast tomorrow). I'm too tired right now to discuss much, but I will throw up a few bullets and a few pix of the road trip thus far.

• The BIG issue today: traffic. Lots of it. So much in fact that I spent about 1 1/2 to 2 hours moving veeeeeeeery slooooooooowly down the 95 if not just sitting there in traffic. That was fun. As I just "Tweeted" I was stuck in traffic jams five different times. Four of those traffic jams were in North Carolina. Most were between the Virginia border and Raleigh. Just to send me off, the DOT had a special traffic jam waiting for us right at the border with South Carolina! Honestly I don't know how North Carolinians put up with this.
• Throughout the stretch of I-95 in North Carolina, there was no traffic info on the AM dial (a luxury I took for granted but never used back home). But once you reach Fayetteville, you can hear lots of tourist info! For example, they have a museum simulator. Apparently, it simulates a visit to the museum. Who woulda thunk it?
  
• I saw license plates from 41 different places - 38 states plus the District, Ontario and Québec.
  
• I am just a few exits south of a "Maryland Fried Chicken" restaurant, though I understand that it's not actually Maryland Fried Chicken as is traditionally made in Maryland.

Of course, I had to eat while I was traveling. Apart from that Rice Krispie Treat I bought at a 7-Eleven somewhere in College Park, I had a few memorable eating experiences. Why they were memorable is a story unto itself.

Using the excellent book Drive I-95 by Stan Posner and Sandra Phillips-Posner (excellent except that it inexplicably stops a few exits into Florida and never explains why), I found the Good Earth Peanut Company in Skippers, just north of the VA-NC border. It's not a little store or anything - it's a Love's with a McDonald's attached. But there is a dedicated shelf of nuts - pecans, peanuts, pistachios, covered in butter or toffee or chocolate, etc. I bought a simple tub of butter covered peanuts ($3), and they were easily the best thing I ate all day. Not as good but still not bad was the chicken teriyaki I got at the Ichiban Express across the border in Roanoke Rapids, NC. For $7, I got slightly dry bits of chicken covered in a sweet teriyaki sauce, paired with very filling and moist enough fried rice, and a stir fry of zucchini and onions. I wouldn't go out of my way for it, but I would eat it again.

The chicken teriyaki

My last meal was at the fabled, and amazingly weird, South of the Border in Dillon, SC. Legendary for all those crossing the NC-SC border, it's a kitschy piece of Americana that is a wee bit dated (just like much of Ocean City, but I digress). A trip to South of the Border would itself be a day-long trip (or at least a few hours), aided by the on-the-premises motor lodge. I just went into their "International Store" to buy some refrigerator magnets. It's just something you've gotta see. Maybe I should've eaten at the Sombrero Room, because the hot dog and "Mexi-Fries" I had at that building with the large burger at the entrance were not appetizing, especially at $6. The ice cream next door - also on site at SotB - looked more so. Don't use the restrooms at SotB if you can help it.

Yum.

Other photos:

I haven't been here for a very, very long time...

It's either your best dream come true or your worst nightmare: the KFC in Roanoke Rapids does have an all you can eat buffet, folks.


Oh yay, another traffic jam!!! This one lasted about 45 minutes.

WTF!?!?

And night falls on South of the Border

Next Food Network Star 5 Live-Blogging: Dinner at Ina's

Last week, both Eddie and Katie just narrowly missed gettin' their tuschies kicked out. Tonight, we will apparently see Teddy go through some sort of nervous breakdown. Who wins and who packs their knives (again, wrong damn show!) tonight? Will special cheflebrity Ina Garten bring her BGFF* TR along for the ride? Only one way to find out...

Due to all the beer at yesterday's Baltimore LGBT Pride Block Party, I really don't feel like even seeing another fermented beverage right about now. So tonight the drinking game is just with good old boring Pepsi One. Anyone else drinking at home is encouraged to use the alcoholic beverage of his or her choice.

* BGFF: Best gay friend forever

9:00 Ina brings her friends tonight! How many gay men (besides those competing in this competition) will be on the screen tonight?

9:02 I distinctly remember him saying he would not throw anyone under the bus. I'm still befuddled.

Jeff topless - DRINK!

9:03 Tyler Florence (guest chef #1 - DRINK!) meets the cheftestants at a fancy restaurant. The challenge: do a dinner party on a budget, giving 30-second promos on how to stretch your food dollar. Sandra Lee much?

9:04 Ted: You? Dramatic? NOOOOOOOOOOO! (DRINK!)

I guess Tyler hasn't been watching.

Crepes are yummy. I see Jeff in it for the long haul...

9:05 Michael: a f*ckin' grand for a dinner party!?!? I usually just put out a brie and roast a chicken for my friends when I have 'em over. 30 bucks tops. Just ask them.

9:07 First time in Food Network history: someone utters the word "cross-utilize" (Michael)

I just love the face Tyler is making when these guys speak. What the hell? DRINK!

9:08 I'd be nervous in front of Tyler Florence, too, Eddie - he's so dreamy....... 8-) (end of silliness)

Wow, not as dietitian-y as normal.

9:09 Y'all, this is why you need to have a club savings card.

Michael, Jamika and Ted messed up in this challenge. Oooooooo... Double ooooo for Jamika's urging people to reuse a raw meat marinade (DRINK!)

Prediction: Teddy is not going to tune it down. Don't believe me? Let's put a wager on it...

9:10 Is Ina the twist? Maybe they should've, like, not told us she'd be on tonight in that case. Save it as a surprise.

9:14 OoooOOOOooo, the Hamptons! The people there usually do $60 hors d'oeurves, not $60 dinner parties.

9:15 And of course, the guest cheeflebrity is Ina (DRINK).

What's the twist now? Teams of two. Appetizer, entrée and dessert.

9:16 I wonder how much of this is real, actual tension? It looks as if nobody wants to work with:

1. Teddy, because they don't trust him after what went down between Brett and Melissa, and
2. Melissa, because she really doesn't seem to do very well without assistance (the basis of the thing between Brett and Melissa.

9:17 New drinking game rule: anytime someone says some variation of "I don't know if I can trust him/her", DRINK TWICE.

9:19 Another "cautious" comment and another Teddy-like goofiness. DRINK TWICE for each. Oooh, drink four times?

9:25 Okay, I thought Melissa was talking about Teddy for some reason.

9:26 TeddyFAIL! Guess which flighty executive chef forgot to make his dessert? DRINK!

Heavy hitters? Her husband and all her Hampton buds, okay, but...

9:27 Groan, another story about her kids! DRINK! (Even though it kind of fits here)

Ina loves Melissa, but Kate Tyler finds her annoying. Ina doesn't like her chicken though. Did Eddie do the salad? Again, it failed.

No TR yet.

9:28 Well Debbie, just smack that manbitch, alright?

OMG - Teddy ISN'T getting all, well, Teddy-like? Debbie is happy. Plus they worked well together.

Food-wise? Hey, the meatloaf WORKS! Way to go, Deb and Ted. Teddy's dessert wasn't very good.

9:30 Coming up, the groups that we haven't really heard from much yet.

9:33 Back in Happytime Kitchen... Temexican? Mexitalian? Don't drink - just roll eyes.

9:34 Yum. Whole wheat pasta. Delicious.

Jamika: I do that all the time, adding stuff to store-bought things. And like you, I also haven't even made my own Kwanzaa Cake recipe that has spread all over YouTube or dressed up like Scarlett O'Hara. Yet.

9:36 So Mike, are you trying to tell me that you are ooawwff?

9:37 Global a-go-go... For any of my heterosexual readers: no, not all gay men talk like this. Just Michael.

Mike and Jeff: it looks elegant. They like the food, too. Presentation: Mike is nervous, Jeff self-confident.

9:38 And now Jamika and the dietitian present asian salmon and seaweed!

9:39 Nothing that Katie has said so far sounds unappetizing. The salmon also works well. But salmon and pasta do not go together well.

No collaboration?

Oh boy, Katie's being "dietitian-y" again. I'm adding that to the drinking game: anytime Katie acts "dietitian-y" - DRINK!

9:44 Yep, tonight's commercials are just boring.

Chicken is sleepy? Eddie's the one who looks sleepy.

9:45 I admit that I would love to be invited to Ina's for a dinner party. I've got the gay thing, so that prerequisite is out of the way.

9:46 And now the judgment:

Jamika and Katie: No collaboration, but Jamika's dish was delish. Katie? "Overall I liked the dish..." and "slightly unmemorable" in the same sentence is not what you want to hear.

Jeffrey and Michael: Their dishes were Ina-worthy. DAMN! Way to go, boys!

Hey, I missed Jeff talking about his daughter. Why did I miss this? DRINK!

Michael is "lost" and off his game. Oopsie.

Eddie & Melissa: Not working together. Melissa says Eddie was all tense, and that was annoying to El Flay.

@Melissa: defensive much?

Eddie's onions were both overwhelming AND done before.

OOOOOO, he did a Paula Deen recipe (DRINK for her unexpected mention). Dumb move, dude: DRINK!

And finally Deb and Ted: Teddy admits that his dessert sucked ass.

And now Ted indeed puts foot into mouth: "I felt (the meatloaf that both of us collaborated on) was mine." Bobby is annoyed, and guess how Debbie feels?

Ooooh, now I'm not happy with Teddy right now either...

9:50 Tears are commencing after the break

9:51 Okay, so who's set up to win tonight, and who's going home? The latter is easier: Teddy probably should go home because of that dessert and that taking ownership of the dish that he and Debbie so clearly worked on together. But since the producers crave that sort of drama, there is no way in hell Teddy is going home tonight. So what about the others? Katie and Eddie continue to make the same old crap. It's gotta be one of them. I could go either way on this.

As for the winner? Tough call. For the best overall meal I'd have to say Jeffrey and Michael. There were problems with at least one dish from each of the other teams, despite Michael's presentation deflation.

9:54 The winners tonight are, duh, Jeffrey and Michael. And I just realized this was not in any way a tough call.

9:55 Debbie, Jamika, Katie and Melissa are also safe.

9:56 Why did Ted self-destruct? He's embarrassed about that dessert. Ed, don't be cavalier about being in the bottom three times in a row.

I think they're gonna roast Teddy alive in the green room.

9:57 Um, should we leave Ted and Ed alone in the room?

Teddy cries - GLUG THAT BEER!

Since they're all saying that Teddy will go, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Eddie is leaving.

9:58 And the loser of the week is...

Eddie... Yup, thought so.

I wouldn't really wanna be Teddy right about now.

9:59 Wait: Eddie can cook?

10:00 Debbie is injured next week? What is Guy doing on his Big Bite anyway?

POST-GAME ANALYSIS:

Third time's a charm... if "charm" means "We're not taking this anymore, Eddie." Here's hoping he finds some common ground in how men and women eat!

ALSO: So since he got booted by doing a Paula Deen recipe, does this mean they didn't like her recipe, or his take on her recipe?

Heading off to Georgia...

Last weekend, Cathy drove down, daughter and father-in-law in tow, to spend the summer with her husband, who is currently stationed at Fort Stewart. This week I am making the big 10 hour trek to the Georgia Low Country. Though I won't be staying in Savannah, there is the promise of spending a day there.

But I won't be stopping in to see you-know-who:


This isn't a slight at Miss Paula. But the place has a long line just to make reservations. That, and Eric and Alan let me know on their visit a few years ago (on my recommendation, no less) that the buffet they serve is little more than mediocre. Granted, she's not really cooking there these days, and the word is that it was much better when Paula Deen was doing the cooking. But there are many good places to eat in Savannah. The Lady & Sons is just one.

We have cousins in Augusta that I hope to visit while we're there. If time and money hold up, I'm hoping to get to Atlanta, which isn't exactly en route between Baltimore and Savannah. But it's just so big and fabulous, I will have to struggle to resist.

Young & Hungry in the D of C

I was half-listening to WAMU's Metro Connection today, until this segment came on showcasing Washington City Paper's 50 Best Restaurants feature this week. As the WCP's Tim Carman noted, this list is a little different than others because they dispense with the usual suspects - the Citronelles and what not - because everybody already knows that they're worth eating at. This list focuses on the less well-known ones. Present, a Falls Church Vietnamese place (one of five Vietnamese places on the list, and not all of them are phở houses) sounds like it is particularly worth going to. Apparently, they make up nine different types of fish sauce. Nine.

Soylent beef is people, it's people!!!

This from a Chinese restaurant in downtown Towson, not far from the Farmers' Market:


I consider myself an adventurous eater and all, but still... It was just funny, that's all. And of course, my Chinese will never be as good as this restauranteur's English!

And we all have typos once in a whale ;)

Huh?

Sure, I like getting comments, but once in a while you get one that just makes you scratch your head. To wit, this one from "Marshall" at "foodnrecipes.info" (bolded where there were once links):

Hi,

We have just added your latest post "Food Hunter's Guide to Cuisine" to our Food Directory . You can check the inclusion of the post here . We are delighted to invite you to submit all your future posts to the directory for getting a huge base of visitors to your website and gaining a valuable backlink to your site.


Warm Regards

foodnrecipes.info Team

http://www.foodnrecipes.info

Um, y'all: I never wrote a post entitled "Food Hunter's Guide to Cuisine". I smell a fishing site.

HonFest Photos

My HonFest photos are now up on Flickr (view them all here), as are my photos from my recent trip to SoCal (those are here). I uploaded the ones I thought were the best, but just to share a smattering of them right here, right now:

The first thing I ate on Saturday was this massive cookie ($3 but about twice the size as their normal $1.75 cookie, which is already a big one) from Puffs and Pastries. It was so big I could not finish it.

THIS was the record-breaking, 250-something lb crab cake. Notice that it had to be served with an ice cream scoop.


This was what $10 got me. Again, not a great crab cake, but still good for one that came out of a 250+ lb crab cake (Dan at THG said the same in a comment to an earlier post)


Uhhh...


"Step into mah hot pink chair, hon" said the hon to the unsuspecting kid.


Tasty potato pancakes (3 for $5)


Two hons get ready to get their pixchures taken


A spray of hons and hons-in-trainin' (would they be "punk hons" maybe?)


Class, hon. Class.


Uhhhh...


God bless us, every hon.

El Nayar

As I've said here many times, it's just too darn difficult to find good Mexican food on the East Coast. That holds true for Baltimore, of course. But I was hopeful when I stopped in the Catonsville location of El Nayar, a Mexican restaurant that specializes in the sabor of the western state of Nayarit. Of course, the menu offerings are what you will usually see on most Mexican restaurant menus (though I had never seen the tequila and chicken soup or cactus and eggs, both of which I will have to try on future visits), but El Nayar promises that they are indeed true to their nayarita roots.

El Nayar is a pretty good place to save money - the a la carte and lunch menus offer some inexpensive (my definition: in the neighborhood of $5) choices for diners, as well as more expensive full-blown platters. None of these is too expensive. The priciest dish I found for lunch was about $10, and their dinner platters aren't much higher. Plus, they have a lunch "happy hour" eery day, in which a different thing is discounted: 10% off your bill, 75 cents off a burrito, etc. (They don't serve alcohol, but the place is BYOB)

Among the dizzying array of foods to eat with my complementary chips and salsa, I chose the three taco platter ($6 - yes, I'm a cheapskate, but I kinda have to be) and a tamale on the side.

tacos and tamale

This is some of the best Mexican food I have had outside of California or (natch) Mexico. The three tacos came with onions both raw chopped and grilled, as well as chopped cilantro and some unexpected radish slices. Along with them came two types of salsas, a mild green salsa and a medium-hot red salsa. I can take heat better than many people I know, and though it didn't make me sweat or tear up, it came close. A lot of people would find it hot. I myself like this. In case you're not a "hot salsa" person, it comes in a little ramekin on the side.

The tacos consisted of three little soft corn tortillas, the kind you don't often see "Back East" where we are but which you can easily find in Mexico or (again) California. You can have your choice of chicken, carne asada or barbacoa, or mix and match the three - that's what I did. The chicken was moist and flaorful, better than most chicken I have the misfortune of eating out these days. The barbacoa reminded of cochinita pibil but without the tanginess or citrusiness. This was a mellow but ery juicy barbecue. The taco I liked the least was the carne asada one. I did like it a lot, but it wasn't as good as the other ones, as some of the pieces were a little dry on the edges. But that happens sometimes with carne asada. Each taco went well with both salsas, though my favorite salsa had to be the red one.

The tamale was a welcome surprise. This was just a good, "homemade style" chicken tamale. The corn dough around the chicken reminded me of one of the first tamales I had ever eaten on a visit to Phoenix (the one in Arizona) years ago ("El Andar" was that restaurant. I wonder if it's still open?). I loved that one, and it has become the default yardstick against which all the other tamales I have eaten since have been measured. This tamale measured up well against that one, and better than most I have eaten in years.

Along with my soda my entire bill came to little over $10. I left a few dollars extra for the tip (easy to figure out since a 20% was just $2). The service was good, and the food came out fast, so that was a nice thing, too. All over it was a good, cheap eating experience, and a welcome oasis of tasty Mexican food in a part of the country where tasty Mexican food just isn't that easy to find.

Gertrude's at the BMA helps kick off Pride Weekend

Just read this on the website for Baltimore's LGBT Pride Festival, which runs all weekend. Gertrude's will be kicking off the festivities on Friday night! From the Pride 09 website:

The festivities begin on Friday, June 19th with our signature pride kick-off cocktail party, Twilight on the Terrace. Held at Gertrude's restaurant at the the BMA, the party begins at 8:00 pm, and features open bar, hors d'oeuvres, and a silent auction. On Saturday, the Pride Parade begins at 4:00 pm, followed by the Block Party from 6:00 pm to 10:00 pm. On Sunday, the Pride Festival begins at 12:00 pm in Druid Hill park, and goes until 6:00 pm.

Hmmm. I wonder what it costs to get in, since I'm not exactly rollin' in it.

UPDATE: I just found out: it's $75. I'll just put some cheese on a cracker and wave a rainbow flag on my porch instead.

Next Food Network Star 5 Live-Blogging: Holidays with Giada

It just dawned on me that I never bothered to establish drinking game rules for TNFNS5. Just to reiterate what we did last week, plus some additions:

Drink ONCE:

• If someone says or does something stupid
  
• If someone talks wistfully about "their kids/spouse/parents/partner/dog, cat or goldfish"
• For every Food Network celebrity that pops up (just once per hour for each cheflebrity)
• Any of the guests (but not the judges or Food Network personalities) makes a face because of something food related
• Whenever any of the competitors is seen in a state of half-dress (shirtless men / bra-clad women)
• Whenever Teddy acts "Teddy-like" (SUPERENERGETICOBOYOBOYOBOY!!! I do like Teddy, but this is just too obvious a rule to ignore)

Drink TWICE if:

• Any team spends too much for their food.
• Any of the judges or Food Network cheflebrities makes a face because of something food related

Drink THRICE (?) if:

• Any of these yokels hooks up.
  

DOWN WHAT'S IN YOUR GLASS or CHUG YOUR BEER FOR FIVE GULPS:

• If anyone - ANYONE - cries, for ANY reason.

Tonight's drink of choice: Pyramid Breweries' Hefeweizen, which was the lightest brew in my fridge. I was going to do Clipper City's MarzHon in the spirit of HonFest, since I'm feeling all "Bawlamoronic" from seeing all the sprays of hons around Hampden, but I drank it all. Eeeuuuups, hon!

9:00 "It will be brought"? I missed that last week.

9:02 Oooh, Ryan D'Agostino of Esquire gets to judge the competitors' print-worthiness. Michael's wit is welcome.

9:03 For this challenge, they have to combine some type of beef or chicken with something unusual, such as maple syrup, pistachios or cereal.

Melissa: So you mean that women do not like meat? Not the women I know!

9:04 Jeff looks East for guidance.

Good God, so Esquire is for men. Where does this say "Women not allowed to eat this?" Jamika, make something you would eat, for Chrissakes.

9:05 Hmmm. I guess Melissa really doesn't do meat. Um, is she sure she's from Texas?

9:06 Now the obligatory "One minute of wigging it live on TV" bit. Eddie's sophisticated beer thing and his Brussel sprout hash? Not bad.

9:07 Melissa: I kept it family friendly. Heck, even a li'l ol' woman could eat it! DRINK!

Jamika brain freezes. Sounds like a haiku:

Whiskey, molasses,
Um, maple, molasses, um,
Whiskey, delicious...

9:08 Damn, Jeff, tres Middle Eastern indeed!

9:09 The robust personality fo Teddy! I love his reactions to his goof ups. He's possessed by Guy Fieri and Emeril.

9:09 Big headed much, Brett? THAT'S where Teddy's misplaced enthusiasm landed.

9:10 Oooh, Bobby, I'll utilize that pickle in a more innovative way.

Get a load of the look on Esquire guy's face at Michael's creation - with cawfee! Did he write Jamika's presentation?

9:11 Debbie's quick and easy BBQ. Hey, a (wo)man, a can, a plan!

Kate tackles this with all the gusto of a dietitian! She's Super Dietitian! Featuring undercooked lamb and couscous with cereal.

9:13 Hot dang, Eddie wins the challenge! Good comeback from whatever the hell he made last week.

9:16 Flavortown?

9:17 It's, erm, some kind of holiday, with the ever-glowing Giada De Laurentiis (DRINK)! We switch gears from Esquire to Good Housekeeping, and our cheftestants have to represent the holidays in their dishes. Apparently, each has to do a different holiday.

9:18 I could see Katie doing Earth Day.

9:19 It seems like most people are happy with their selections. Who the hell thought to include "Groundhog Day"?

9:20 Somehow I think Katie is missing the point of Earth Day. It's not about eating healthy. It's about helping the environment. Um, shouldn't she be developing a dish that reflects a desire to save the Earth?

I like Jeff's take on Groundhog Day - make something springlike!

9:21 Teddy is a cutie but Good Lord is the man intense! Ted, you better not mess up that crab cake! You are representin' the Chesapeake Bay, man, don't let us down!

9:23 No gratuitous references to Melissa's family so far. No drink. But Debbie admits it was dumb to burn the rice - but at least she didn't serve it! Say, does this promise to be a peculiarly alcohol-free drinking game?

9:27 Bide thy thyme, folks! (I've been waiting years to use that one.)

9:28 New drinking game rule: DRINK ONCE whenever Teddy acts "Teddy-like" (that is, SUPERENERGETICOBOYOBOYOBOY!!!)

9:28 And now the presentations:

Melissa (Mother's Day): I missed it. Did she talk about her kids? Aw hell, DRINK anyway. The judges feel she has redeemed herself!

Jeff (Groundhog Day): Because Groundhog Day reminds me of Spring, which reminds me of Mexico (?!?!?) At least he admits it. Charming, tasty, but totally missed the assignment. DRINK!

Jamika (New Year's Day): I like Jamika's discussion of family (DRINK) and Southern New Year's traditions. To my buddy Jim: For 1/1/2010, make that food SPICY! Tasty, charming.

Kate (Earth Day): Um, I would've just given them granola.

Seriously though, shrimp and white beans leads to health leads to gratuitous family allusion (DRINK). Kate's food is boring and, well, "dietitian-y."

9:32 Brett, don't leave! They'll probably kick off Kate anyway!

9:36 Teddy (Labor Day): Just start DRINKING now. Surf and turf, good crab cake. That act-y thing! THAT'S the word I was looking for! "Art-y!"

9:37 Brett (April Fool's Day): He's leaving? Nope. It's April Fools. Oh, I HATE those people who made the commercial for this week. Wacky, but not exactly April Fool's eatin'.

9:38 Debbie (Mardi Gras):Okay Deb, you're from WeHo. What part of the South is WeHo in? Why haven't we found out what state she's originally from? Food wise, they seem to like her meal.

9:40 Michael (Halloween): Definitely not a Southerner. His link to Mexico was more believable than Jeff's. Plays up the gay thing well without making fun of it! Good meal, too.

9:41 Eddie (Valentine's Day): What the hell are you talking about, Eddie? DRINK!

Women have different dietary enjoyments? (Hence the DRINK)

Oh Good Grief, that is you? Dude, no. Um, no. And it's not very good. Just tastes like roses.

9:47 I think either Brett Eddie or Katie is going home. If I had to bet I'd choose..... Brett Eddie. (NB: I originally typed "Brett" but meant "Eddie," not foreseeing the events that would transpire at the end of this episode.)

9:48 Um, Katie, you also forgot that Earth Day is about saving the planet, not healthy eating.

She's crying - CHUG EM IF YOU GOT EM!

9:49 Note: Not every gay man dyes his hair to match the color of the room. Hellooooo...

9:50 For a minute, I thought Eddie was genuinely surprised that women do, in fact, like eating the same things that men eat. The judges might keep him just out of sympathy.

Okay, don't drink again - that was just a flashback.

Is Brett in over his head? Does he really want this?

Is Melissa in over her head? Does she really want this?

9:51 Whoa, Brett: what the hell is this ambush? I like Teddy more now that he's refusing to throw anyone under any bus.

Melissa tears up, but DRINK is optional: Brett was being an ass. Okay never mind, not optional - CHUG!

9:54 I now think it will be Katie who's going home. Eddie is just so sappy and sad, I think they might feel sorry for him after putting foot into mouth like that. But he's still not out of the woods! So that's my assessment: Katie, if not then Eddie.

9:56 Woo hoo, Jamika wins this week, with Deb and Melissa in tow - our talented Southern ladies. Also kudos to Jeff, Mike and Ted.

Hey, I didn't think Teddy implied anything! That was all on Brett.

9:57 Eddie is insincere, Brett is likable but "just not what we're looking for," Katie is all health and no fun.

I still think it's Katie.

9:58 Oooh, and I'm wrong. Then it's DEFINITELY Eddie.

9:59 Whoa, I am totally wrong AGAIN! I didn't see Brett going home at all. But he's just not right for the network, as far as they are concerned. I think it was the wrong decision: the other two were clearly worse.

9:59 And next week we hae Ina!

POST-GAME ANALYSIS:


I really did not see this coming, and I still don't quite understand it. They got rid of him mostly because they don't see him as a Food Network personality. And yet, they go all out and say he is charming and all that. But I also really didn't expect his throwing Melissa under the bus (and I'm still not quite sure why she feels that Teddy threw her under, too). This wasn't the best decision. I can understand why he was in the bottom three, but not why he went home.

A Spray of Hons

Oh God my feet hurt. After roaming around Baltimore today, seeking out Italian food at the St. Anthony Festival in Little Italy, Greek pastries at the Greek Festival at St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church in Greektown* and hons galore (and my friends) at Day 2 of HonFest in Hampden, I am so glad to be sitting down. Again, y'all will see the photos later this week.

I asked "the girls" (our somewhat sizeable circle of gay male friends) if they knew of a collective noun for "hons" - like a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, a congress of baboons (fitting, no?) or an abomination of monks (that's what it's called).

Eric came up with one. I wish I could take the credit, but this goes to him. Youse listenin' at Cafe Hon? Okay:

More than one hon is a spray of hons (from all dat hairspray holding 'em bee-hahvs togevver, hon).

A pride of lions (photo courtesy of The Sun (UK))

An abomination of monks (artwork courtesy of St. Joseph's Monastery of Benedictine Monks in Natchez, Mississippi)

A spray of hons (courtesy o' dem hons what let us took 'eir pixchure today. Ain't dey just a fab'liss spray of hons, hons?)

Has a nice ring to it, no?

* I actually did not get to visit the Greek Festival, but I did get to drive around Greektown for fifteen minutes looking for parking, only to give up. Now I'm sad :(

Also, this is my very first post using SuSE Linux instead of Windows of any kind. Yippie!